Saturday, January 31, 2015

Revolt of the Zombies (1936)

An American film directed by Victor Halperin, starring Bela Lugosi's eyes.
A team of westerners go to Cambodia to find out about zombie making.
What a load of horse shit! This was boring, stupid and pointless. The plot was not communicated clearly and the characters left much to be desired. The editing and general production value was extremely sloppy, with dead air, pops and hiss making up much of the audio content. I'm getting really tired of poorly made films from the '30s and '40s. I rate this shit. All copies should be destroyed.

Rehearsal for Murder (1982)

An American made for TV mystery directed by Robert Papazian, starring Jeff Goldblum.
A theater star died a year ago and her boyfriend invites his friends to read a play that he is writing. The play turns out to be about his girlfriend's murder and he accuses his friends of killing her.
This was duller than dirt, but I liked the ending. The characters were believable and the plot twisted like a corkscrew. It was actually really well made, but I just didn't like it. It won an Edgar award in '83 (as in Allen Poe for mystery productions). Sitting through the hour plus of crap to get to the good ending was nearly intolerable and I almost turned it off. I'm giving one of those weird pink ratings here for something top quality that I just didn't like.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Night of the Demons A.K.A. Halloween Party (1988)

An American horror directed by Kevin S. Tenney.
A group of teenagers have a party in a haunted house. A demonic force is released that turns them into monsters.
It was alright I guess. This is yet another case of awesome cover art on a film that does not meet the standard that is set thusly. It fell into the stereotypical late '80s horror cliches all the way. The teenagers, the deaths, the evil demon/ghost possession. It was all totally stock. The audio and video were decent. I thought the plot and characters were stereotypical. There was one thing that stuck out. The token black man survived. I rate it o.k. The cover art is better than the movie.

Watchers (1988)

A Canadian American horror directed by Jon Hess, starring Corey Haim, based on the book by Dean Koontz.
A scientific laboratory explodes and some research specimens escape. One of them is a smart dog and another is a monster that wants to kill the dog. A boy finds the dog and is chased by government agents who want to reclaim it.
Not too shabby. The style was way '80s and the video looked really good. The plot and characters kept me interested. The overall presentaion was very clear as well. The monster looked a lot like fluffy from Creepshow (1982). I don't have much to say because things were done correctly. I rate it good.

One Body Too Many (1944)

An American comedy mystery directed by Frank McDonald, starring Bela Lugosi, Jack Haley and Jean Parker.
When a rich man dies, his relatives gather at his house to read his will. They are obligated to stay until the correct tomb can be built or not get money. A life insurance salesman shows up and gets drawn into their escapades as well.
I had to turn this off at about the hour mark because it was stupid, pointless and badly produced. The video was underexposed and the plot and characters were annoying. Nothing more need be said. In accordance with my turnoff policy, I rate this shit.

Oasis of the Zombies A.K.A. The Abyss of the Living Dead A.K.A. Bloodsucking Nazi Zombies A.K.A. Treasure of the Living Dead (1982)

A French horror written and directed by Jesus Franco.
After a battle during World War 2, folks go to a certain oasis seeking gold, but find zombies.
This was terrible, horrible and many other negative adjectives. The soundtrack was the worst, featuring headache-inducing repetitive organ and synth sounds that seem to never end. The video was grainy and blurry and the dialogue was at a very low relative volume. Plot was minimal, vague and murky. Characters were difficult to identify, keep track of and seemed to come from nowhere. The zombie makeup effects were pitiful and most looked like masks made out of paper mache. There was a weird shot in the beginning where the camera focused on the butts of the first 2 characters for no real reason (picture). I would rather have that ass-admiration shot on my blog and computer than the bad zombie pictures. I've said before that 4 titles means it's something special and that still holds true. This is an exceptionally bad film. I could make a better movie with my phone. In fact, I have actually done so. One of the titles reminds me of a Breaking Bad episode in which the Jessie's friends are discussing video games that include Nazi zombies. I rate this shit. DO NOT WATCH!!!!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

The Curse A.K.A. The Farm (1987)

An American horror directed by David Keith.
A re-telling of H.P. Lovecraft's The Colour Out of Space. A strange meteor falls near a farm and contaminates the water, poisoning the vegetables, animals and people.
This was way '80s and moderately cheesy. The plot and characters were adequate as well as the production value. The soundtrack was a little repetitive with "doot... doodoot" comprising 99% of the musical score. It was also a gross-out horror, which generally displeases me. I tend to go more for gothic fantasy horrors with cleaner vampires and monsters rather than bugs, worms, gore and pus. The family drama aspect of this was overplayed, probably to make it last long enough to be a feature film. The original story was not very long. Overall, I'm glad I watched it because it was one of those VHSes that I would see at the rental stores when I was too young for my parents to let me watch it. I rate it o.k.

Nightmare Castle A.K.A. Gli Amanti d'oltretomba A.K.A. Night of the Doomed A.K.A. Lovers Beyond the Grave A.K.A. The Faceless Monster (1965)

An Italian horror directed by Mario Caiano.
After a man catches his wife cheating on him with the butler, he begins torturing both of them. The wife reveals that she has changed her will to give all of her money to her sister. The man kills his wife, kills the butler and marries the sister. When he brings her to live in his castle, she has horrible nightmares and her doctor is brought in.
This was pretty lame. The simple plot would have fit in a Twilight Zone episode and the characters got confusing somehow. There was an extra woman in the second half (that the murderous husband was having an affair with) who just appears out of nowhere. There were some editing mistakes in the English dubbed version that I watched with the audio not matching the video. The most obvious case was in the end when the dead wife and butler are laughing with their voices, but not their mouths. Overall, I just found it boring. I rate this poor. Watch something else.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Naked Massacre (1976)

A West German, Canadian, French, Italian slasher horror directed by Denis Heroux.
A soldier is in England on his way from Vietnam to America. He enters a house where a group of nurses live and kills them.
Female anatomy points! This movie has boobs and as Smeagol would say, "they are young they are tender they are nice" (picture). The plot took a long time to actually get to the point and the characters weren't developed. I don't think that this was meant to be a great film. I believe the filmmakers knew it was about boobs and blood from the very start. If that's what you're looking for, this is it. I rate it o.k. because I would prefer a little more from a film, but appreciate what it has.

Messiah of Evil A.K.A. Dead People (1973)

An American horror by Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz.
A young woman goes to a small town to visit her father. The father is an artist and had recently ceased writing letters to her. In the town, she encounters a polygamist and his pair of girlfriends. When people start turning into zombies, the polygamist and young woman become friends.
The plot is very vague and murky to the point of being confusing. The characters were not developed well either. Wikipedia has a pretty good writeup on the analysis of this film that you may want to read. The audio and video were decent quality and there were no mistakes. There were some good camera shots in the father's house, theater and grocery store. Because of how the bathroom in the father's house is painted, they used the background to create an optical illusion (picture). The main purpose of a film is to communicate and this one doesn't do that very well. Even though there was good camera-work, I have to rate it bad. You probably shouldn't watch this.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Memorial Valley Massacre A.K.A. Valley of Death A.K.A. Son of Sleepaway Camp (1988)

An American slasher horror directed by Robert C. Hughes.
A modern day caveman is causing trouble at a tourist campground.
Eegah 2 is what I call this. Unfortunately, we have to make due without a magical musician that sounds like a whole band this time. Fortunately, they knew what to film. RV? KABLASTO! Bulldozer to ranger shack? CRUNCH! Teenage girl with tight clothing? Wet T-shirt contest! This seemed like it was supposed to be so bad that it's good and it was. The simple plot and stereotypical characters worked great. The film actually mocks itself for you in this case. The audio and video were not bad. There were some good camera angles that showed very clearly what was going on. I'm not saying it's a creative masterpiece, but a functioning work of humor for horror movie fans. I rate this adequate. Watch it if you want to laugh about a horror film.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Medusa (1973)

A British Greek crime mystery directed by Gordon Hessler, starring George Hamilton.
Love affairs, family relations, murder and organized crime swirl in a torrid Euro-trash cesspool.
Totally gorgonless! How dare they name the film Medusa and not put her in it? What was there was a big mess of murky plot, barely identifiable characters and underexposed video. On the plus side, there was a little bit of good music and a side-boob shot. Inadequate. For the unforgivable crimes of not making sense and false advertising, I sentence this film to a shit rating. DO NOT WATCH!!!!

Maniac A.K.A. Sex Maniac (1934)

An American horror exploitation film directed by Dwain Esper.
A mad scientist and his assistant are trying to bring dead people back to life. The assistant shoots the scientist and to cover up the crime, pretends to be him.
This was made as the motion picture production code was beginning to be enforced, so we've got nearly naked women, drugs, inferences of sexual perversion and murder. All things that the code was designed to prevent being shown on movie screens. The plot was simple to fit the 50 minute duration, but they put as many characters as they could in this little bugger. The audio and video showed their age and there was some sloppage, but no real errors. The nearly naked women get about 7/16ths of a female anatomy point since they were not actually nude, but looked good to me (picture, I think I see nipples!). The text screens between "talkie" scenes indicate a transition from the silent film of the 1920s to the talkies of the 1930s. I rate this o.k. because the more you know about it, the more enjoyable it is (to a point).

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Invisible Ghost (1941)

An American horror mystery directed by Joseph H. Lewis, starring Bela Lugosi.
A rich man has a house where people keep getting murdered. His brother comes to visit and solve the crimes.
Boring. Everything was very standard for the early '40s and it failed to hold my attention. Bela Lugosi seemed type-cast into his role, but played it well. Seeing how this role was so similar to his role in Dracula, he was type-cast correctly. Restating the obvious, but you wouldn't beleive how boring this was. I rate it bad. Don't watch.

I Bury the Living (1958)

An American horror thriller directed by Albert Band, starring Richard Boone.
A businessman is appointed as chairman of a committee in charge of a cemetery. The groundskeeper shows him a map with white pins for reserved spaces and black pins for occupied spaces. When the chairman accidentally puts black pins in reserved spaces, the people die shortly after.
The director, Albert Band is Charles Band's (of Full Moon fame) father. I can see a little bit of family resemblence in how the film was made. There were some dark and menacing shots that were done well and correctly exposed like Charles would do. What I'm trying to say is that the style reminded me very vaguely of Full Moon films. The plot was relatively simple and only the main character was a dynamic character, changing as the events took place. The video was black and white, but correctly exposed and there were no editing mistakes. The audio was a little trebbly, but not bad. I rate this o.k. as in it's o.k. to watch once.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

How Awful About Allan (1970)

An American made for TV thriller directed by Curtis Harrington, starring Anthony Perkins and Julie Harris.
A man accidentally caused a fire which killed his father, scarred his sister's face and left him partially blind. After a hospital stay, he is released into the care of his sister, who is still living in the house where the fire took place. His ex-fiancee visits and tries to help him get back to normal, but has difficulties. The sister takes in a college student who rents a room in the house, but is never seen. The main character sometimes sees a shadowy figure and hears it whispering his name.
The shadowy figure whispering "Allan" was actually scary. It's one of those nebulous fear of the unknown deals and was done quite well. The complex plot and variously developed characters kept my interest well as well. The video was a little dark in some spots, but generally alright. The main character's partial blindness was illustrated by showing his view using an out of focus camera shot, which I thought was appropriate. Add to this the dark form (picture) and a creepy voice and you can understand how effective it was. For a made for TV flick, this wasn't bad. I rate it adequate. You may be as pleasantly surprized as I was.

Hands of a Stranger (1962)

An American horror by Newt Arnold.
A concert pianist is in a car accident and his hands are badly damaged. The doctor replaces them with the hands of a killer.
Hands hands hands hands. It was the most commonly used word in the film. The simple plot and shallow characters did not make for an interesting viewing. Although technically sound, with proper exposure of video and no editing mistakes, I was not impressed. The soundtrack was mostly piano music, which was appropriate for the emphasis on the pianist's hands and mental breakdown. The carnival scene was the only interesting part, as they made the happy carnival seem menacing through creative camera angles, editing and a cacophony of music. I rate this poor. You may not want to watch it.

From Prison to Paradise (2003)

A Canadian documentary by David Icke.
One of David's earlier talks pre-George W. He focuses on the ideas of how reality works, political dynasties and the concept of mutual return.
It's interesting to watch ALL of David's talks and compare them, noting how his speech has changed over time. That said and having seen all of his talks, they are indeed very similar. I've seen him talk about the Arc De Triomphe in Paris before in detail and when he started up on the subject, I was egging him on "Show the dick! Show the dick!" but he would not comply. Thing is: if you look through the arc, the outline of negative space is phallic. The version that I got of this was very bad. It did not download all the way, but still played and the videos that David shows as part of his talk were edited out. I rate it adequate because it's good, but I still prefer Freedom Road evan after watching everything else.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Funeral Home A.K.A. Cries in the Night (1980)

A Canadian slasher horror directed and produced by William Fruet, starring Lesleh Donaldson and Alf Humphreys.
A young woman goes to stay with her grandmother at the house that her grandfather used as a funeral parlor. The house has been converted into a tourist hotel since the disappearance of the grandfather. Guests arrive and stay for a short time before they too disappear. The granddaughter starts dating a young man in town and together with his brother who is on the local police force, they try to figure out what's going on.
This was really weird and didn't make sense in some parts. The main mystery is the black cat. Why is it there? The plot and characters were alright, but the production was very poor. The video was all underexposed and some of the scenes were totally black-screened. I can't figure out why they would make it so difficult to see what's going on. Poor lighting choices and poor camera operation led to black-screening even in daytime shots. The audio was not the best, but what do you expect from an underground Canadian slasher film? I have to rate this poor because the production sucked. If you're REALLY into low-budget slashers, watch it. Everyone else should not.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Fog Island (1945)

An American mystery thriller directed by Terry O. Morse, starring George Zucco.
A man lives on an island surrounded by fog with the daughter of his murdered wife. He invites business associates there and gives them clues to solve a puzzle with the promise of treasure. The guest fight amongst themselves, trying to find the treasure.
This was a little on the shitty side. When the camera can't even be kept still to film a shot, something is definitely wrong. The plot was standard '40s intrigue that would also qualify as standard 2010s in-fighting. The characters were not developed at all. The audio had that signature dead air hiss that we all know from the 1940s and seemed a little muffled, although it was treble-biased. Style was nonexistent, with all aspects of the film falling into standard, stock methodologies. I'm going to have to rate this poor because it was not painful to watch, but extremely lacking in any value of any kind. Being mostly distracted by other tasks for the entire duration may have led me to rate this better than it deserves. You may want to skip this one.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Drive-In Massacre (1977)

An American slasher horror by Stu Segall.
A series of murders occurs at a movie theater. All of the victims are couples and they are all killed with swords. When the police investigate, they find that multiple men working at the theater used to be sword swallowers.
Standard '70s slasher. If you like the teenagers to get chopped up, they do. Otherwise, not really worth it. The video was blurry, grainy and underexposed in that '70s way that makes it look dirty and maybe a little sleazy. The plot was easy to follow and the characters were identifiable, but the ending was inconclusive. I liked when the guy with the white car said that he has tools to do his own rim-jobs, but not when the guy in the warehouse was yelling "little girl" repeatedly. It's not a complex film and does not need a complex review. There is gore, death and a police investigation. If that's what you're looking for, this has it. I rate it o.k.

Doomed to Die (1940)

An American mystery directed by William Nigh, starring Boris Karloff.
A shipping tycoon has just lost a shipment of illegal bonds from China and is in the process of telling off his daughter's suitor after writing his will and mentioning suicide, when he is shot in his office. The daughter and a detective investigate the murder case.
More of the same boring shit. William nigh has already proved to be one of the most boring directors of the '40s and I'm not a big fan of Boris Karloff's work. The plot did not hold my attention and the characters were not memorable. The style was way '40s with inferior black and white video and loud dead air hiss. This is also a sequel to The Fatal Hour (1940), which I have, but was uninformed of the relationship when I watched it. The sequel being released the same year as the original is not a good sign. I'm rating this poor because it was very standard and boring.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Peopletoys A.K.A. Devil Times Five A.K.A. Tantrums A.K.A. The Horrible House on the Hill (1974)

An American horror thriller directed by Sean MacGregor and David Sheldon.
Some friends, lovers and co-workers are on vacation at a snowbound mountain resort. The icy roads nearby have cause the crash of a minivan transporting a group of children from a mental institution. The groups meet.
Any movie with no links on the credits in Wikipedia and 4 titles has got to be really special. I'm talking style here. STYLE! The acting was perfect and the characters made sense to me. My favorite line was in the beginning: "Hot damn, got me a knife! WOOOOH!". I had another favorite part, but it's the best part in the movie that I won't spoil for you. Obviously I liked the plot, with the premise being to my strange tastes. The audio and video were a little on the shitty side, but sometimes that's alright when what's going on is interesting enough. There were some slow motion sections that I thought were far too long and drawn out. Maybe a few seconds of slow motion would be o.k., but this was just too much. That was my only beef with this film. I call it successful and rate it good. This is definitely one to watch if you like obscure horror.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Dementia 13 A.K.A. The Haunted and the Hunted (1963)

An American horror thriller directed by Francis Ford Coppola.
After accidentally killing her husband by a stress-induced heart attack, the wife visits his family in an attempt to have herself written into her mother-in-law's will. It turns out that the family has dark secrets regarding the death of one of the siblings as a child.
Boring. The pace was so slow as to induce mental illness and the characters never developed in all that time. The simplistic plot didn't seem to merit an hour and 14 minutes. Being made in 1963, color film was available, but some really poor quality black and white was used instead. The audio was full of 1940s dead air hiss and the style seemed '40s to me. I was shocked when I read the date that this film was released. The only indication of the real date was a Guiness beer ad in the bar that wouldn't have been there in the '40s. There was a scene in which the main character stripped to her bra and underwear, nearly earning female anatomy points (picture). So we've got a boring film with maddeningly slow pace that looks 20 years older than it actually is. I rate it poor. You might want to skip this one.

Deep Red A.K.A. Profondo Rosso A.K.A. The Hatchet Murders (1975)

An Italian thriller directed by Dario Argento.
A pianist investigates the murder of a psychic woman who lives in the same apartment building.
I hate Dario Argento's work. The video is always underexposed and the audio is always uneven. The unevenness of the audio comes from whispered dialogue and music that is too loud. Whisper-blast audio so to speak. The plots in his films are usually very similar as well as having similar settings. The similar cast of characters always includes a detective or someone acting as one. He also always gets all artsy-fartsy with camera angles and framing. I think he would have been a better photographer than film director. One-trick pony, Dario delivered EXACTLY what I expected in this film. I rate it bad.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Lily C.A.T. (1987)

A Japanese science fiction horror anime directed by Hisayuki Toriumi.
A spaceship is travelling to a distant planet and the human inhabitants are in extended hibernation. The ship picks up an item floating through space and a message from Earth. The item turns out to be a virus and the message tells them that there are 2 crew members who are criminals and not supposed to be there.
An anime version of Alien (1979) is what I saw. Complete with Jones, the cat. This wasn't a bad thing though. Emulating such a famous and well-made film is not an easy task. They really nailed the tense atmosphere that defined Alien. The animation style was really good and showed some effects that would have been used in live action, like selective focus. The plot was decent, but I don't think that the characters were all that great. The monster was cool and unique, but not really what I wanted. Overall, it was well executed, but shorter and shallower than I would have liked. I rate it good.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Dead Men Walk (1943)

An American horror directed by Sam Newfield, starring Dwight Frye, George Zucco and Mary Carlisle.
A man dies and becomes a vampire. He feeds on a young woman who is being cared for by her boyfriend and a doctor.
This was a stupid, cheap and inferior Dracula knock-off. The stale plot, forgettable characters and bad video complete the package. The only good thing was the intro. It featured a man's face superimposed on a fire as he spoke some menacing lines about the undead. The title got a Dead End song, Dead Man's Rock stuck in my head although a more appropriate tune would have been Alice Cooper's Ballad of Dwight Frye. I rate this bad. DO NOT WATCH!

Curse of Demon Mountain A.K.A. Shadow of Chikara (1977)

An American adventure thriller directed by Earl E. Smith.
A dying civil war general tells a soldier of buried treasure. The soldier recruits a tracker and a teacher to help him find and identify the treasure. They meet a woman along the way who joins them. As the group nears the location of the treasure, they find that they are being followed by someone or something.
The real mystery is the plot. Everything was going along fine until the end when the film basically just stops. There was some sleazy '70s style that reminded me of Jeremiah Johnson (1972), meaning the audio and video were to my liking. Some creative camera angles and good framing made things look good and the folky song set things off correctly by being played during the battle scene. The characters are developed some, relatively memorable and identifiable. I think the cover art is really cool (picture). Overall, I thought it was a fine film until the abrupt and inconclusive ending. I rate it adequate.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Hannah, Queen of the Vampires A.K.A. Crypt of the Living Dead (1973)

A Spanish American horror directed by Julio Salvador and Ray Danton.
A man is murdered and his son goes to investigate. The son finds that there is a vampire and tries to get help re-burying her.
This was muddy, murky and mucky all the way through. I could barely tell what was going on because the presentation was so bad and the plot was so vague. I suspected that the main character's girlfriend might have been the vampire, but can't verify this. The few main characters were identifiable, but the muddy plot and murky presentation prevented keeping track of them. The camera-work and camera angles were all very bad. The filmmaker has obviously not taken a photography course. I had to look this up on IMDB because Wikipedia didn't have a page for it and the page would not stop loading. I imagine that it was loading all the ads and that is what my site is designed to prevent. This is just more of that horrid public domain rough that I speak of finding diamonds in. I rate it bad for poor communication. It's best not to watch.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Bloodlust! (1961)

An American thriller directed by Ralph Brooke.
A group of teenagers land their boat on a seemingly deserted island. They are taken into the custody of a rich hunter who lives there and are suspicious of his hospitality. Other people living with the hunter inform them that their fears are well founded. When the escape attempt of the long-time residents fails, the hunter announces that he will hunt the new arrivals.
The Most Dangerous Game is the classic story of a rich man hunting whomever he pleases. This was not a good retelling of that plot. My favorite would have to be Surviving the Game (1994). The plot really gave the viewer the old runaround and the characters were not developed. There weren't any technical errors, but the overall quality was low. During the film, I found myself thinking "ugh, not more of this shit", "this is so stupid" and "why am I even watching this?". Needless to say, I did not enjoy it. I rate this bad. It would have been best left unwatched.

Bloody Pit of Horror A.K.A. Il Boia Scarlatto (1965)

An Italian horror directed by Massimo Pupillo.
A crew of photographers and models breaks into a castle to find the owner home. He allows them to do their photo shoot after initially telling them to leave. While they are there, he goes (or they realize that he is) insane and starts killing them in complex ways.
This was so lame that it was almost cool. The '70s audio and video made the style sleazy and cultish. The actresses who wore very little clothing or lost some of what they were wearing helped a great deal. As always, I would have liked to see more than was shown (a.k.a. not enough nudity to award female anatomy points). The complex methods of torture and murder were a little over the top. What comes to mind here is the spider web scene where a man wriggles on the floor for a few minutes while a bound woman tells him not to. The spider was actually the best part of the film to me (picture). The pacing was painfully slow and the special effects were stupid, but there were no editing errors. Overall, it might be fun to mock. I rate it poor.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

A Shriek in the Night (1933)

An American crime mystery directed by Albert Ray, starring Ginger Rogers and Lyle Talbot.
A rich man dies by falling from his balcony and rival news reporters try to figure out who killed him.
SO BORING! The simple plot and barely identifiable characters made watching this a chore. Even though the actors were moving quickly onscreen and the duration was only an hour, the slow pacing made the film plod and drag unbearably. The audio was low quality and I noticed some sloppy editing, mostly in the video. The only positive aspects were the good looking female lead (no female anatomy points though) and the black maid refusing to enter the morgue. Overall, it was just so boring and so pointless. I rate this bad. Don't watch it.

Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)

An American Puerto Rican comedy crime horror film directed by Roger Corman.
A boat full of criminals helps Cubans escape during the revolution. An American spy is among them. The criminals plan to kill the Cubans, take their money and blame it on a sea monster. The real sea monster shows up and starts killing people.
This was terrible in a bad way. The plot was messy and vague, with uneven character development that didn't make any sense at all. The audio was muffled and poor quality enough to make discerning what was being said difficult. To top it all off, the monster was lame. It looked hastily constructed and generally inferior. Some low budget public domain films are cool because of poor quality. This is not one of them. I rate this shit. It would be best not to watch.

Black Dragons (1942)

An American mystery directed by William Nigh, starring Bela Lugosi.
After a dinner party, guests from that party begin to be murdered. The host is hiding in his room and has a strange visitor in his house. The host's niece finds this situation and asks a detective to help her.
William Nigh and Bela Lugosi team up to create a steaming pile of bullshit. The plot was predictable and the characters shallow. The editing was sloppy and the audio was muffled. Above all that, it was BORING! The only thing to note is the pre-war use of the word "Jap" when referring to the Japanese and the fact that the supposed Japanese people shown were white guys (picture). I rate this bad because it's not worth watching.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

An American horror adventure directed by Coleman Francis, starring Tor Johnson.
A Russian scientist gets lost in an American desert near a nuclear bomb test site. The radiation turns him into a monster and he hunts for people to kill. Meanwhile, a family stops for gas nearby and their children get lost in the same desert.
This was horrible. Even though it was less than an hour in duration, I had to turn it off because it was so bad. The heavy narration is what really kills it. The narrator sounds like he is from a hokey old instructional video and the "monster" is the lamest I've ever seen. The pacing is so quick that one is unable to get into the film at all because it is so rushed. I have to rate it shit because it's worse than Some Kind of Monster (2004). DO NOT WATCH!!!!

Cathy's Curse A.K.A. Cauchemares (1977)

A French Canadian horror directed by Eddy Matalon.
A father and daughter die in a car accident. Years later, the son (who was with the mother at the time) moves into the family house. His already insane wife can't cope and his daughter becomes possessed by the spirit of her dead aunt.
Style style style! So unique and so identifiable! The video was total garbage and the audio was horrid, but it seemed intentional and worked out for the better. The simple plot and basic, shallow characters worked too. I really liked the potty-mouth starlet. "All women are bitches" and "extra rare piece of shit" were some great lines. The cheesy synthesizer music absolutely made my day. A diamond in the rough, anyone who knows anything about films loves this. I have to rate it best because it's better than many things that I have rated thusly in the recent past. Don't just watch it, own a copy because you're going to want to see it more than once!

There's No Place Like Utopia (2014)

An American documentary by Joel Gilbert.
The filmmaker travels in America and interviews people about progressivism, communism, socialism and how The Wizard of Oz relates to Barack Obama.
I think that there may have been too much humor involved in this film and not enough focus on the subject matter. Joel haphazardly visits various places and talks to people, including bad areas like detroit with abandoned buildings. The concept behind the film of "look where this got us" is something that I approve of, but I don't think it was done very well. It seemed like it was supposed to be more entertainment than education. I rate this poor. You may want to skip it.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Thrashin' A.K.A. Skate Gang (1986)

An American sports action drama directed by David Winters, starring Josh Brolin, featuring skaters Tony Alva, Tony Hawk, Christian Hosoi and Steve Caballero.
A young man visits his skater friends to participate in a skateboarding competition. A rival skate gang decides not to like them, but the main character falls in love with the rival gang leader's sister.
It's a little bit like Romeo and Juliet on skateboards mixed with Rad (1986). The skating is very dated and there are some signature '80s moves that are no longer performed like the hand sliding downhill move. The style was classic '80s like I like, which basically made the movie. I have to question what age group this was targeted for because of the sex scene, driving and dangerous sporting activities, but also the ambiguous age of the characters, lack of jobs and "notes from mom" in the beginning. Teenage sex, mace jousting and skating with a broken arm would not be things to show younger, more impressionable viewers. The camera-work was actually good, as they got many creative angles to shoot the skateboarders (my favorite photography subject). Overall, I think it's worth watching if you like '80s flicks. I rate it good.

The Brave (1997)

An American drama thriller by Johnny Depp with music by Iggy Pop, starring Marlon Brando.
A poor Native American man agrees to be killed for money to get his family out of the slum where they live. He is given a large amount of money and a week to live before he has to report back to his employer and have his death video taped.
The plot was very good and the characters were interesting. The style was very late '90s almost too perfect, but retained the late '80s/early '90s charm and realism. The pacing was a little slow, but you would want it that slow too if you only had a limited time to live. The camera-work was way '90s and cliche. There were some interesting questions to mention: Why are the Indians listening to Mexican music? How would it feel to have sex sitting on rocks? Why is a white man playing a Native American part? Whatever the answers to these questions may be, Johnny sure likes his screen time. Overall, I thought it was fairly well made and definitely held my interest. I rate it good. This would be one to watch.

Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story (1987)

An American biography by Todd Haynes.
The story of Karen Carpenter's anorexia is told using Barbie dolls.
I think that using Barbies was extremely appropriate because of the societal implications of the Barbie doll itself. Apparently, the filmmaker modified the Karen doll by whittling to reflect the appearance of the main character. The plot was interesting and the short duration made it easy to watch. Most of the film was extremely underexposed, leading to a very dark look. Because of this, the black text onscreen could not be read. There was a copyright lawsuit because the filmmaker did not get permission to use the songs and Richard Carpenter did not approve of the film. All copies were supposed to have been destroyed. Overall, it was creative and unique, but not technically sound. I rate it adequate.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Zis Boom Bah A.K.A. College Sweethearts (1941)

An American musical directed by William Nigh.
A Vaudville star has been apart from her family for a long time, sending them her money to fund her son's education. She goes to visit her son who does not know her and finds the situation not to her liking. She then purchases the local diner where the college students hang out and turns it into a night club where the students perform.
The plot was vague, inconclusive and very lame. I didn't like the characters and the audio was horrible. I could hear loud dead air, pops and distortion in the sound. The music was old and hokey, but the bad audio prevented any enjoyment there. The waiter at the diner was comic relief and I didn't find him funny at all. In fact, there wasn't anything to like about this film. I rate it bad. You shouldn't watch it.

The Girl Said No A.K.A. With Words and Music (1937)

An American musical directed by Andrew L. Stone.
A bookie falls in love with a dance hall girl who is trying to cheat him out of money. The bookie decides to trick her back and convinces her that he can get her into a broadway career. The bookie and his friends set up everything to put on a fake broadway show using an out of work troupe of Gilbert and Sullivan performers.
The plot and characters almost held my interest and there were no technical flaws. The style was of the times and pacing kept things moving. I'm reminded of Topsy-Turvy (1999) in which the troupe perfoms the same opera, The Mikado. I actually like The Mikado more than I like this film. Basically, this is just another late '30s flick with starstruck flappers, shady gangsters and a sappy moral ending. Obviously post-code. I rate it poor because it was mediocre and didn't stand out.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Ring of Power II: The Zion King (2012)

A documentary by Amenstop productions.
Prince William is pointed out as the antichrist, Israel and zionism are examined as well as Illuminati art in famous places.
Just as good as Ring of Power 1. This addition features the same narrator making the same style of accusations on the ruling elite. I think that they used a little more humor this time and I appreciated it. There were a few propositions made by the film which even I tend to doubt. These mostly dealed with numerology adding up to 666. You can manipulate any numbers into 666 if you try hard enough. When they showed the 2012 olympic logo, I was waiting for it to form a pentagram, but this never happened. Same as the first Ring of power, quit reading about it and WATCH IT! I rate it best.

The Werewolf of Washington (1973)

An American horror comedy written, directed and edited by Milton Moses Ginsberg.
A journalist is sent to Budapest, Hungary at his request where he is bitten by a werewolf. Upon his return to Washington, he tries to warn his co-workers about this and is ignored.
It seemed low-budget and TROMAish, but there were some good things about it. The camera-work was great and they used focus and depth of field very effectively. The plot was very clear and most of the characters fit into it nicely. There was a midget doctor who was in the basement of the pentagon, working on a Frankenstein who didn't really fit into the plot. If I was making this, I would have included an Urotsukidoji style sex scene with the president's daughter and the transformed werewolf. The female "black panther" character definitely dressed to earn female anatomy points! The sitcomness of the humor being everyone ignoring the main character's warnings got old fast and wasn't very funny. I rate this o.k. and I think that it is meant to be mocked.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Ring of Power (2008)

A documentary by Amenstop productions.
A heavily narrated presentation about the ruling elite and how they control the world.
This is one of my favorite conspiracy films. I remember talking about it with my friend who "woke me up". The audio and video quality were a little uneven on the version that I got and it was obviously a VHS rip. This film tilts my documentary scales in the right direction with more talk than techno and more education than entertainment. With about a 6 hour duration, there is enough information presented to get deep into the subject matter. Don't read my review of this film. Watch it! I rate it best.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Up in the Air (1940)

An American comedic mystery directed by Howard Bretherton, starring Frankie Darro and Mantan Moreland.
A message boy at a radio station pretends to be a boss, trying to get a date with the new receptionist by having the janitor play piano so she can sing at a fake audition. He is amazed by her voice, but gets in trouble with the real boss. All 3 of them are later present when the current radio starlet is shot. The message boy drags the janitor along as he tries to solve the crime.
Standard, stale and stock. I'm not even going to rip into this because it was so mediocre. The only thing that made it watchable was Mantan Moreland playing his type-cast role. We all know what that role is and it has to do with his manner of speech and the color of his skin. I rate this bad. If you want a good Mantan film, watch King of the Zombies (1941).

The Town Went Wild (1944)

An American comedy drama directed by Ralph Murphy.
In neighboring houses, fathers fight and eldest children wish to marry. They make their way to another town where they are told that they need to file a document 3 days in advance before being married. With the document filed, the clerk of the office finds out that children from the 2 families were switched at birth. Now brother and sister are engaged and facing jail time because of it.
More of the same. Everything was standard for the 1940s including the accidental pan-and-scan job that cut a little bit off the sides of the frame. The sitcom style "humor" was not funny in the least bit. The "stock" (Some Kind of Monster) plot and characters did not impress me. I noticed a Freemasonry-style not-so-secret society of Mooseheads which raised the only chuckle of the film. I rate this bad and would advise against watching.

Esoteric Agenda (2008)

A Canadian documentary by Ben Stewart.
Information regarding how religious and political systems work, war and the nature of reality is communicated.
Too much repetitive techno! I swear they must have recorded less than 10 minutes of music to use for the whole 2 hour film. There's a drum track that plays for the first section, a section without music in the middle and then a keyboard/synth sound for the third section. These tiny tracks repeat ad nauseum. The information in this film is great and I think that it would be an awesome introduction film for anyone who is just getting into this subject matter. The many strands of the web of control are touched upon and it would give a new researcher ideas of what to look into. There's a gentleman in a suit towards the end who says that in a room full of darkness, a single candle can make a big difference, but no amount of darkness can enter a room full of light. I rate this adequate and would recommend it as one of the first few conspiracy/new world order documentaries to watch. Unfortunately for this film, the inferior musical score prevents a higher rating.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Topper Returns (1941)

An American comedy mystery directed by Roy Del Ruth, starring Joan Blondell and Carole Landis.
A young woman and her friend move into a house owned by her family. They switch bedrooms and the wrong girl gets murdered. She goes to Mr. Topper for help solving the crime.
More time killer films. Ugh. The plot and characters were standard as well as audio and video. Eddie Anderson did his best Mantan Moreland impersonation for this film and fooled me. This character was the only part of the film that stood out to me or raised any interest. Otherwise, it was just standard standard standard. I rate it poor for being too mediocre.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Kymatica (2009)

A Canadian documentary by Benjamin and Daniel Stewart.
Ideas of scale and "as above, so below" are explained, using cells, humans and our planet as examples.
I've begun to distrust these guys. Maybe they don't know everything. Their films go heavy on techno/light on talk and seem to me more entertainment than education. It's all in the presentation. When they use artsy-fartsy video with techno music constantly playing, I take it as a sign that they're not as serious as they claim to be. Am I watching a music video or a documentary about serious shit? Make up your mind! Some correctly exposed footage without video effects or music would REALLY help their case. There is some good information in this film, but it's mostly an art school jack-off session. I rate it poor for not being a good enough art film or good enough documentary.