Monday, May 14, 2012

Buffalo Rider (1978)

An American western directed by John Fabian and Dick Robinson.
A gunslinger finds a young buffalo and saddles it. He rides to save a baby and get revenge on the men who killed the baby's parents.
The massive amounts of narration make it seem like a nature documentary, but this actually helps the film. Most of the men slinging guns in the film have forgotten the faces of their fathers and tend to miss more shots than they hit, including the main character. Sharp shooting alone does not make a gunslinger and the main character proves his worth through helping others and destroying the bad guys. I'm rating this good because I actually watched the whole thing and liked it.
Here's where you can watch it too:
I tried to put an image on, but fucked if I know how to make it appear in the post with this inferior interface.

Monday, May 7, 2012

The Beautiful Truth (2008)

Blogger has "updated". In other words, "mutated" or "downgraded". I believe that blogger has been genetically modified and deliberately dumbed down. The familiar interface is gone and has been replaced by a system in which I had to search for the button to write a new post. When I uploaded the image, it just put the fuckin' thing wherever it wanted. Alien software aside, my post:
An American documentary by Steve Kroschel.
A 15 year old boy finds out about a worldwide conspiracy network to destroy human life.
This film presents plenty of important topics about food and health in a cohesive manner. A solution is even given! This puts it miles above other conspiracy documentaries which only present a problem (I'm talking about you, Alex Jones). The style and production value are good as well. I'm rating this awesome because it is everything that any documentary should be: cohesive, coherent, concise and conclusive.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Star Wreck In The Pirkinning (2005)

A Finnish science fiction comedy by Samuli Trossonen.
A space captain who is stuck in the past goes to Russia and builds a spaceship with which he conquers the world. When things are not going well on Earth, he goes back into space to look for things to conquer.
This is actually one of the better free movies available. The plot and characters make sense and the humor is good. Everything is named with a pun that I found amusing. The style and production value were not bad at all. I'm hesitantly giving this a good rating. It wasn't really up my alley, but it was made very well.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Route 66 an American Bad Dream (2004)

A German documentary directed by Stefan Kluge.
A trio of young German men travel to the united states to drive an old Cadillac across the country. The car turns out to be problematic and they spend more time fixing it than driving.
This was actually a decent film. The production value was good, but the style was too artsy-fartsy and screwed up the presentation. The characters were not developed at all, but the plot was good. It was a balance of good and bad things that I can live with. It earned an adequate rating.

Pentagon (2008)

A crime film by Davor Radic.
A pair of young women are holding hostages and drinking booze. A hit man wanders aimlessly.
This film was nearly plotless. The production value was absolutely bad. I liked the characters and it gets alcohol points. I'm rating it poor.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Oceania (2008)

A film by Harry Dehal.
Some strange sexual situations cause problems for people.
The plot was muddy and unclear. The characters were not developed. The style was overly artsy-fartsy. The production value was great. Let's call it a golden piece of shit. I'm rating it bad. Hoping for a picture? tough luck. I can't find any either.

Seven Dead Men (2009)

A crime drama by Brett Koonce.
pairs of people in seemingly unrelated situations turn out to all be involved in the same crime deal.
BORING! The plot was generally hidden and the characters were involved in such mundane tasks. The production value was like a porno without the music. I'm rating this bad.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Tunnel (2011)

An Australian horror directed by Carlo Ledesma.
A reporter hears of conflict over using underground areas as water storage because of the homeless people living in them and disappearing. She chases after the story and sneaks a film crew into the area to investigate.
This was the scariest thing I've seen in a LONG time. It was done Blair Witch style, with a news camera and a hand-held, so it looks very real. Alternating with this is interview segments that make it look more like a documentary. The underground maze gives the film a great creepy setting and provides the possibility of the characters becoming lost. It scared the shit out of me, so I'm rating it best.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Riverpool (2010)

A film by Davor Radic.
A woman walks through a city.
There was no sound and there was no plot. I turned it off at 32 minutes. Rating it shit.

Point of Departure (2005)

A German mystery by Retsina Film.
A group of people wake up naked in a hotel bed together. The try to figure out what's going on and why they are there.
Initially, I thought that the video was terrible quality, but it's just dark. As the film progresses, it gets lighter and things become visible. The plot was unique and the characters were alright. The style is good and the production value turned out to be not so bad. This is a pretty good film and totally legal for anyone to traffic any way they want. I'm rating it adequate.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Yes Men Fix the World (2009)

An English documentary by Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonanno.
2 men pose as representatives of large companies and propose ideas that clash with the mentality of the companies.
I thought this was a great documentary. All of the information on what was going on was given in a coherent manner. The makers were trying to do something good for bad companies, but they got caught every time. They were trying to do what the companies themselves should have done in these scenarios. Obviously the didn't end up fixing the world because the world is still eft up. I'm rating this good because these people think for themselves.

Zenith (2010)

An American psychological thriller by Vladan Nikolic.
A young man is given a video made by an older man who was researching the Illuminati and conspiracies. The young man tries to find the whole series of videos in order to watch the whole story.
I was able to get the first 2 parts of the film legally, so that's all I can review. What I saw was great. The plot and characters were very interesting. The style was cool and the production value was high quality. I'm rating it awesome. It would get a best rating if I were able to watch the entire film.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Unknown Island (1948)

An American science fiction adventure directed by Jack Bernhard.
A Man and his girlfriend hire a ship's captain to take them to an island populated by dinosaurs. The captain knows a man who says he escaped from that island and he is brought along against his will.
The dinosaurs look SO FAKE! It's almost funny how bad they are. The plot and characters were alright. The style was clear, but the production value was not good at all. I'm rating it o.k.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Vengeance Valley (1951)

A western directed by Richard Thorpe, starring Burt Lancaster.
A cattle herder causes multiple types of trouble for people he knows when he overdraws a bank account, gives the money to a woman who will not identify the father of her child, starts a fight between the woman's brothers and his brother and then tries to sell his boss' cattle behind his back.
The plot was complex and the characters were hard to keep track of. The style was definitely unclear and the production value was bad. Since I can't say anything nice about this film, I'm rating it bad.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Little Shop of Horrors (1960)

An American comedy horror by Roger Corman.
A young man who works in a flower shop grows a plant that eats people.
The plot and characters were pretty simple. The sense of humor was a little odd and I didn't find it funny. The production value was low. I'm rating this poor.

The Boat (1921)

An American comedy by Buster Keaton.
A man builds a boat indoors and wrecks the building when getting it out. He takes his family to an undefined body of water and together they launch and sail the boat.
The boat is called the Damfino and this is used as a running joke through the film, implying the phrase "damned if I know". I'm rating the film o.k. and this is the LAST Buster Keaton film I'm reviewing. I'm getting tired of them and it's preposterous to watch a 30 minute film and review it.

Sherlock, Jr. (1924)

An American comedy by Buster Keaton.
The projectionist at a movie theater is trying to be a detective.
This was another silent film full of physical humor. In one scene, the main character walks into the movie screen and interacts with the film that is being projected. In another, he is riding on the handlebars of a police motorcycle when the policeman falls off and the motorcycle keeps going with the main character perched on the front. The motorcycle rides through some dangerous areas and has a few close calls with disaster. I'm rating this adequate.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

One Week (1920)

An American action comedy by Buster Keaton.
A man and his wife build their own house, but don't do it right and have problems because of this.
Another of Buster Keaton's classic physical comedy films. The plot is simple and the production value is low. That's why I like it. At only 20 minutes in length, it's like film candy. I'm rating this good for being short and amusing.

Here Be Dragons

An American mind control video by Brian Dunning.
A man appears on screen and spouts lies.
I caught this dude lying at least once per minute and usually more often. He says that our bodies do not have energy fields and are not effected by magnets. Please explain then, why people are electrically shocked back to life. He doubts the benefits of all natural organic foods as if chemical additives and pesticides are good things and genetically modifying food is a benefit. He makes a racist remark about people who eat rice having black hair. He's an obvious fraud and Illuminati pawn. I guarantee he meets up with his freemasonic brothers quite often. I'm rating his video shit because it's a bucket of lies presented by a new world order tool.

The General (1926)

An American action film by Buster Keaton.
During the civil war, a man tries to enlist in the army but is turned away because he is a train engineer. A girl that he likes is on his train when it is stolen so he alerts the army and they have him conduct a train to chase the stolen one. He takes off without the cars and chases his train alone in hopes of saving it and the girl.
There was a lot of physical comedy in this film, as in other silent films like The Adventurer. The music was interesting, but extremely repetitive. That's all there was in the film, so I can write no more. It entertained me moderately, so I'm rating it adequate.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Fifteen Shorts

A series of short films by Brandon Fulcher.
A simple plot is played out in each film, from fake commercials about alcoholic mouthwash to police detectives killing people.
Oh man, it was weird. All of the shorts are under 5 minutes and they are all different. The style is bizarre and the production value is very low. This is some underground stuff and it's free for anyone to download however they want. I'm rating it adequate because I like the variety. I think the image is of the guy who made the films. Don't persecute me if I'm wrong on that.

Charade (1963)

An American black comedy mystery by Stanley Donen, starring Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn.
A woman's husband dies and she finds out that he was one of a group of men looking for a large sum of stolen money. These men initially harass her, but eventually they honestly work together to try to find the money. The other men are gradually killed off by an unknown attacker to keep them from getting the money.
This is a very strange movie. The sense of humor seemed like it was from another planet. Being a mystery, nobody's telling the truth and you have to watch the whole thing to figure out what's really going on. It gets points for being weird, but that still only earns an o.k. rating.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Painted Hills (1951)

An American action western directed by Harold F. Kress, starring Lassie.
Lassie is given to a boy by a gold miner and exhibits poor health. The buy returns her to the miner, only to find out that he had an accident and that's why Lassie wasn't eating. The boy and the man sent to watch over him mine gold with the gold miner and get quite a bit of it. The guardian schemes to take all of the gold for himself, but Lassie disagrees with this.
The canine actor played a good female lead. Since dogs can't cross-dress, nobody noticed that Lassie was male. The film was very mediocre except the ending, which I won't spoil. I myself was slightly amazed by the acting dog. The poison scene would land a human thespian an award. I'm rating this adequate because I was slightly amused.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Outlaw (1943)

An American western romance by Howard Hughes.
Billy The Kid has Doc Holiday's horse and they at first butt heads, but agree to work together. Billy is injured in a fight with the sheriff and recovers in Doc's girlfriend's house. The girlfriend falls in love with Billy when he recovers and when Doc returns, the sheriff begins to hunt this duo again.
This was a very standard western. Everything about it was stereotypical and normal. The only thing I can say is that these gunslingers have not forgotten the faces of their fathers, say thankee. They do not shoot with their hands, they shoot with their minds. And egads, are they good shots. The female lead gets female anatomy points for reasons that are never uncovered, but still prominent. I have to rate it adequate because of gunslinger and female anatomy points.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Meet John Doe (1941)

An American drama directed by Frank Capra.
A newspaper woman gets "downsized" and before leaving, writes an article about a man who is upset with the state of things and is going to commit suicide. Her article is a hit and she manages to keep her job. The newspaper finds a man to pretend to be the writer of the letter and he becomes a celebrity. As he pretends to lead this movement, he realizes that he believes in it.
The plot and characters were great. If this had really happened in 1941, the world would not be in such a state as it is now. The production value was decent for the '40s. If you're into anti-new world order, anti-masonry and anti-illuminati reading material or speakers and documentaries, this would be a good one to watch. You can even download it for free because it's public domain. Traffic it to everyone and let's start our own "John Doe" clubs. I'm rating it awesome.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Kept Husbands (1931)

An American drama directed by Lloyd Bacon.
A working class man marries a rich woman.
The plot was pointless and the characters were 2 dimensional. The production value was terrible. There was a popping sound when the camera angle switched. Obviously I have to rate this shit because of how bad it is.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Father's Little Dividend (1951)

An American comedy directed by Vincente Minnelli.
A man's oldest daughter is pregnant and everyone looks to him to solve all of their problems.
The film was decently made and the characters played their roles well. Everything was alright technically, but I just didn't like it. This being a matter of taste and personal opinion, I'm rating it poor.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

The Driller Killer (1979)

An American slasher film by Abel Ferrara.
A poor artist lives in an apartment with his girlfriend and her girlfriend. After seeing a commercial for a portable power pack, he buys one. A rock band moves into the building and plays all the time, driving him crazy. He decides to use the porto-pak in combination with his electric drill to kill hobos.
I have to give it points for uniqueness. "female anatomy points" were gathered during a lesbian shower scene. Otherwise, I can't think of anything good to say about it. I'm rating it poor because it's a bad movie, but got some mandatory points for some elements.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Rain (1932)

An American drama directed by Lewis Milestone, starring Joan Crawford.
A ship is held up because of weather conditions and the passengers all have to stay at a general store on an island. Two of those passengers are an insane priest and a wild and free party girl. The priest sinks his bible-thumping claws into this young woman and brainwashes her with religious dogma.
Being a devout atheist, I liked the plot and the characters very much. The priest played his role very much like most religious nuts and the poor girl was clearly tormented past her breaking point. Joan Crawford was a real scorcher in this film. The style and production value were absolutely prehistoric and left much to be desired. I'm rating it good anyway because the ending (which I'm not spoiling) was the way that I would want it.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Nothing Sacred (1937)

An American Comedy directed by William A. Wellman, starring Carole Lombard and Fredric March.
A newspaper man finds out that a young woman has radium poisoning and goes to Vermont to interview her. It turns out that she is perfectly healthy, unbeknownst to the newspaper man, but he takes her and her doctor to New York anyway. There, she is the talk of the town and a celebrity because of her fake illness.
I was surprised to see a colorized film from 1937. Apparently, Technicolor was invented in 1916, but obviously not widely used. The plot and characters were simple and direct. The style was very clear and the production value was good for the time. I daresay I liked it! Rating this good.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Love Affair (1939)

An American romance by Leo McCarey.
Two engaged people meet on a boat and fall in love.
The plot and characters were so simple that a 3 year old could have put this together. The style was very basic and the production value was prehistoric. I can't say anything good about it, but it didn't piss me off, so I rate it bad.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)

An American science fiction by Tom Graeff.
Young space explorers land on earth in hopes of raising giant lobsters there. One of them voices contrary opinions and is arrested, but gets away. One of the others stays to catch the rebel and the others leave to fetch giant lobsters. The rebel is taken in by an earthling family and the other alien tries to track him down and recapture him.
I give them points for the UFO. It was a stereotypical disc with a twisting thrust drive, as depicted in many ancient drawings of pyramids. For more info, go to
Otherwise, the movie sucked. The plot and characters were simple and stereotypical. Also, the style was lame. I'm rating it bad.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Royal Wedding (1951)

An American musical romance directed by Stanley Donen, starring Fred Astaire and Jane Powell.
A brother and sister dance team visit England and both find romantic interests there.
The plot was exceedingly simple, but the execution was good. The choreography was absolutely brilliant, with moving belts that the dancers stood on and moving set pieces. There was even a scene in which the male lead danced with a coat rack that was genius. Also, there was a scene in which the same man danced in a room that was turning over so that he could dance on the walls and ceiling. I don't usually like musicals or romances, but this was done so well that my prejudices didn't hold up. I'm rating it good.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923)

An American drama directed by Wallace Worsley, starring Lon Chaney.
An aristocrat falls in love with a commoner and the classes of society clash over this. Meanwhile, a mutant is hanging around a cathedral.
That's all of the plot that I could convey without spoiling it. The film is just so old that it is boring to my modern senses. I turned it off at about the hour mark because I didn't feel like watching another hour of black and white film with text screens. Normally, I rate shit for a turn-off, but this wasn't shitty, just boring. I rate it bad.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Little Princess (1939)

An American drama directed by Walter Lang, starring Shirley Temple.
A girl's father leaves her at a boarding school while he goes to fight in a war. The girl is given first class treatment because her father has money. When news that the father has died comes through, the girl is made into a maid. She repeatedly checks the army hospital for signs of her father, whom she believes to be alive.
Shirley Temple was probably an MK Ultra mind control slave who was given a photographic memory by means of trauma based mind control programming. How else would a child of her age learn so many songs, dances and acting sequences (lines, postures)? Google results say that this could be a definite possibility, as when I typed in "Shirley Temple mind control" I got what I was looking for. This film, like others, features her as an abandoned child who makes friends with older men. This is similar to what her activities outside of acting would be (sexually pleasuring rich old men). Notice the masonic fleur de-lis atop Shirley's crown in this picture. It ain't there by accident. I actually liked the movie for some odd reason. It must have held my attention with it's pedophile mind control triggers. I'm rating it good, mostly because it gave me something to write about.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Algiers (1939)

An American drama directed by John Cromwell.
The police are trying to get a wanted man who is hiding in an old and nasty part of the city.
The plot was extremely boring and not much happened. Otherwise, it was just another crappy old movie. I'm rating it bad because it is.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Angel and the Badman (1947)

An American western written and directed by James Edward Grant, produced by and starring John Wayne.
An injured gunslinger meets a farming family on his way to deliver a message. Once the message is sent, the gunslinger loses consciousness and is nursed back to health by the family. He sheds a little more blood of other men before things change drastically.
John Wayne has not forgotten the face of his father (except for that time when he did a comedy). He's a real gunslinger in this film, say thankee. This may have been a partial inspiration for The Dark Tower, with characters referring to eachother as "thee". I was waiting for Andy, the robot to come marching onto the screen, but it didn't happen. Overall, the film was a little lack-luster and half-assed. It just wasn't very interesting. I'm rating it poor, but not with a vengeance.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Of Human Bondage (1934)

An American drama directed by John Cromwell, starring Betty Davis.
A painter in France moves to England to become a medical doctor. He meets a tearoom waitress who he falls madly in love with, but is not interested in him at all.
The production value looked like pre-1920 and the plot was painfully dull. I don't blame the copyright holders for letting this one slip. I would have too. I'm rating it shit because I had to turn it off.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

McLintock! (1963)

An American western comedy directed by Andrew V. McLaglen, starring John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara.
A man's long separated wife comes into town to greet their daughter's return from school. The town is having troubles with the Indians in the area at the time and the man and his wife are having relationship problems.
John Wayne in a comedy? I don't say thankee. The plot was simplistic, but absurd and I don't blame the copyright holders for disowning it. There were fist fights, but no real gunslinging going on. The style was typical of a comedy and the production value was mediocre. I'm rating this poor because John Wayne isn't funny.

Monday, March 12, 2012

His Girl Friday (1940)

An American comedy by Howard Hawks, starring Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell.
A newspaperman's ex-wife comes by the office to tell him that she is marrying another man and moving away. He talks his way into lunch with them and then talks the ex-wife into working on one last story for the newspaper. From there, everything happens so fast it isn't worth outlining here.
This was like a Dragonforce solo in black and white. The events happen fast and the characters talk fast. There wasn't a second of silence or a moment of rest in the whole thing. It's unique and I like it, so I'm rating it good. Whoever let the copyright run out on this should regret it, but I thank them now.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Go For Broke! (1951)

An American war film by Robert Pirosh.
A unit of Japanese American soldiers is lead by a Texan officer who starts out as bigoted and prejudiced, but soon learns that his unit is one of the best.
I don't get war films. They all seem the same to me. The only part that I "got" about this one was what I typed in the plot description. This film gets musical instrument points for ukuleles. I think ukuleles are great and I believe that the actors were really playing them. That brings this up to an o.k. rating.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

A Farewell to Arms (1932)

An American war romance directed by Frank Borzage, starring Gary Cooper and Helen Hayes.
A soldier falls in love with an army nurse. They are separated when the soldier is sent off to fight and their letters are stopped by an army official.
It wasn't a bad film, but not good either. The characters were decent and the plot was clear. The style and production value reflected the time period, but there were some creative shots like when the soldier was on the stretcher and the camera followed his view of the scene. They were going through an arch roofed religious building and the camera settled on the highest peak of the structure. I'm rating this o.k.
Google, I know you read every word I type, so: I downloaded a public domain film via peer to peer sharing. Read it and weep. You can't stop this blog.

Friday, March 9, 2012

The Lookout (2007)

A crime film by Scott Frank.
A young man is in a car accident and has a brain injury. Years later, he works as a night shift cleaner at a bank and lives with a blind man. He meets a new friend who turns out to be a bank robber and is assigned the duty of lookout when the bank robber and company decide to rob the bank that he cleans.
The characters are good and the plot has an interesting twist. The style is alright and the production value is top of the line because of when this was made. I was undecided until the plot twisted. As soon as that happened, I decided to rate this good.
On a side note, the buck stops here. This is the last new movie that I was able to download, so you may notice a change in the content here. I'm not stopping the reviews by any means. I still have a ton of DVDs to review. Unfortunately, to watch anything I haven't seen a trillion times, it can't be subject to copyright. Coming up next: Films that are no longer copyrighted in America! More John Wayne, some really old stuff, and the Illuminati secrets behind Shirley Temple!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Children Of Huang Shi (2008)

A drama directed by Roger Spottiswoode.
A British journalist goes into a dangerous area of China during a war and has a terrible time. He meets Chinese people there who send him to an orphanage far away from the fighting where he takes over with the help of a white female doctor who visits occasionally. When the fighting nears the orphanage, they begin a journey to an abandoned monastery in the north.
The whole beginning of the film was useless to me. I hate movies about politics. When the Englishman is at the orphanage, the film gets better because it changes subject matter. It becomes a film about a dude who has to help people in need and I like it more like that. The plot and characters become decent at that point. The style and production value are the same throughout. I'm rating this adequate because it goes from bad and boring to interesting and almost good.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Wolf Man (1941)

An American horror by George Waggner, starring Lon Chaney, Claude Rains and Bela Lugosi.
A man is trying to court an engaged woman and they go to a gypsy fortune teller. When the woman's friend leaves the fortune teller, she is attacked by a wolf. The man kills the wolf, getting bitten in the process. A man is found where the wolf was killed and the main character turns into a werewolf.
This was so hokey, as expected. The werewolf makeup involved the actor waking on tip-toe to simulate wolf feet and they just glued a bunch of hair on him. The plot was basic like the style and the characters were 2 dimensional. I'm rating it poor because it's not that great a film.

The Quest (1996)

An American action film by Jean-Claude Van Damme.
A man who takes care of homeless kids in New York City has to run away to avoid being wrongfully arrested. He makes his way onto a boat where he is chained and forced to work. The boat is attacked by the comic relief and they take him to Thailand where he supposedly learns Thai boxing. When he meets the comic relief again, they have a romantic interest with them and all of them plan to attend a secret fighting tournament by posing as the American champion's guides.
It was cheesy above all else. The style was swiss, the characters were cheddar and the plot was pepper-jack. The main character did not demonstrate any ability to fight like a Thai boxer. This was demonstrated by a gentleman from Siam at the competition. I did find it amusing to watch this lame film, so I won't rate it too bad. Let's call it o.k. for being bad enough to enjoy making fun of.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Soldier Blue (1970)

An American western adventure directed by Ralph Nelson, starring Candice Bergen.
A woman is being taken to a fort to meet her fiancee and the army patrol taking her there is attacked by native Americans. Only one soldier survives the encounter and together they try to reach the fort.
Besides the opening music seeming to be sung through a tremelo effect, this was great. The plot was good and the female lead was strong and all kinds of ooh la la. Definite female anatomy points there (like it needed them). The ending is death metal lyrics brutal, but that's all I'm giving away. The bulk of the plot is the soldier and the woman trying to survive the perils of the wild west and it's so cool. I rate this film awesome.

Shane (1953)

An American western by George Stevens.
A man enters the ranch of a farmer with an annoying son. The son learns the new man's name and doesn't stop saying it. A bunch of ranches in the area are being bullied by a team of harriers from town who want them off that land.
Unlike Casino's "fuck" and The Witches' "grandma", this film is named after the word that is said most frequently. The camera work was really bad and the sound was horrible. Never mind the plot and characters: when a film is this annoying, they don't matter. I'm rating this shit and ranking it among the worst films ever made.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Rio Bravo (1959)

An American Western by Howard Hawks, starring John Wayne and Dean Martin.
A sheriff in a small town arrests an outlaw for murdering a man in a bar. The previous deputy is there because he is looking for a drink. The previous deputy helps in the fight that ensues and is given back his badge. He left the law enforcement trade because he had run away with a woman who later dumped him and had turned to drinking. A caravan of wagons comes into town with a young gunslinger on board. The sheriff, the previous deputy and the young gunslinger end up fighting the outlaw's gang with the help of a female gambler who was on the caravan of wagons and the old-timer who watches the prisoners in jail.
This is an epic western, say thankee sai. It's long (2 hours and 20 minutes) and the plot is a little more complex than the average film. Everything is communicated very clearly thanks to the basic style and there is even a good musical number in the middle. The gunslingers pictured in the film take very few shots to kill a certain number of men, so they have not forgotten the faces of their fathers. Given that there's nothing bad to say about it and only praise to give, I'm rating it awesome, may it do ya fine.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Last Man Standing (1996)

An American film noir western by Walter Hill, starring Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken.
The plot of Yojimbo is played out on the Mexican border. A man comes into town and finds two gangs in conflict. He takes employment with both of them and increases the conflict until they destroy each other.
I liked the original more and I rated that o.k., so how does this one rate? Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken are obviously not my favorite actors. The film was remade into something weird and not so great. The main character is obviously not a gunslinger because it takes him like 8 shots to kill a man. He even has 2 guns! He has obviously forgotten the face of his father. All points against it. I'm rating it bad because I can be a hard-ass like that when the mood strikes me.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Johnny Guitar (1954)

An American western directed by Nicholas Ray, starring Joan Crawford.
A woman opens a casino in an area where a railroad will soon go through and hires a musician to play guitar there. The locals dislike the businesswoman and the guitar player turns out to be a gunslinger.
Standard western, say thankee. The characters and plot were alright as well as the pacing and the style. I'm not concerned about production value on films from this era because it would be a detriment to their ratings. The guitar playing was so fake that a non-guitarist could tell he was faking and an audio track was being played. There was also a fake background scene in which the characters were obviously standing in front of a backdrop. What I saw was a decent western and I'm rating it adequate.

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Shootist (1976)

An American western directed by Don Siegel, starring John Wayne.
An old gunslinger goes to see a trusted doctor and finds out that he has very little time to live. He takes up residence in a local boarding house where they find out who he is despite his lies. This causes the boarding house woman to wish him elsewhere and her son to invest a great interest in the gunslinger. The gunslinger takes care of his final business and arranges for a few old enemies to meet him in a saloon.
Come come commala, John Wayne's gonna falla. Commala come come, his life will be done.
The main character is treated like a harrier by the boarding house woman, but he's really a gunslinger and proves it to her through the course of the film. The characters and plot were good and it communicated very clearly. These '70s westerns are really cool because technology was just advanced enough to allow freedom of expression, but not so advanced that everything looks too perfect and fake. I'm rating this good because I think it's well made and coherent.