Monday, October 31, 2011

Mysterious Skin (2004)

A drama by Gregg Araki.
2 boys are sexually abused by their baseball coach at a young age. As they are growing up, they lead opposite lives. When they are young men in college, they meet and one tells the other what really happened when they were children.
At first I was confused when the film switched from one boy to another, but eventually the plot developed and made sense. The style was decent and the film was well made. The characters and plot were done very well too. The subject matter isn't what I would normally watch though. For a well made film about homosexual pedophilia, I'm rating it o.k.

In a Glass Cage (1987)

A horror by Augusti Villaronga.
A man in an iron lung used to be a nazi child abuser. One of his former victims shows up as a nurse to care for him.
The iron lung sound was the most annoying thing ever. It dominated the soundscape of this film for the 40 minutes that I watched it. Unable to bear it any longer, I turned the film off and am rating it shit.

Drunken Master Strikes Back (1978)

A kung fu starring Ting Hwa Chung.
A pair of fools are trained by a kung fu master and get into fights in town.
This is one of the worst kung fu films ever made. It follows every stereotype including having nothing to do with drunken boxing. It may have been funny in China in the '70s, but in America now it's just lame. I'm rating it shit because I had to turn it off.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

I Stand Alone (1998)

A drama by Gaspar Noe.
A butcher who has lost his shop moves in with his girlfriend's family. After arriving home late and having a fight, he leaves to go to Paris alone with very little money and little chance of finding work.
Most of the words spoken were a monologue by the main character. The film is French and the subtitles go by quickly, so I had to pay close attention. This butcher character is very angry at the world in general and likes to explain exactly why he's so pissed. I found it amusing that most of the French curse words were extremely short compared to the English equivalent. The camera-work was interesting because it had a lot of abrupt changes. I'm rating this adequate.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

World of Drunken Master (1979)

A kung fu by Joseph Kuo Nan-Hong.
A pair of young men who are caught stealing grapes learn "the 18 falls of the drunken immortals" from their master. After a fight in which their master dies, they are separated for 30 years. Both men then arrive at a meeting location indicated by their mutual romantic interest whom they believed to be dead.
The plot was obviously terrible and the characters unidentifiable. There was a lot of kung fu, but fighting for no reason doesn't make a good film. I have to rate this crap because that's what it is.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Dagon (2001)

A science fiction horror directed by Stuart Gordon.
A group of tourists crash their boat on some rocks near a town in Spain. When they go for help, they discover that the inhabitants of the town are mutant human/fish monsters.
I really regret watching this. Every film element was cheesy except for the special effects. People had tentacle limbs that looked real and there was convincing looking dismemberment. Otherwise it sucked. I'm rating it bad.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Cannibal Ferox (1981)

A horror directed by Umberto Lenzi.
In New York City, a pair of gangsters are looking for a missing man who ran away with their money. They hound his tour guide girlfriend while the police tail her. Meanwhile in the Amazon rainforest, a group of Americans meet the boyfriend while they are searching for cannibals that they don't think exist. The group of 5 Americans is taken prisoner by the cannibals.
Ifg you thought Cannibal Holocaust was gruesome, you should watch this grizzly film. There's the obligatory turtle dissection scene along with more animal deaths and some human mutilation. Every time that the city is shown, Rocky-esque "city music" plays with a strong brass section and a little bit of funk groove. The first time it was o.k., but the following dozen times it gets redundant. If I were to rate this on a gore factor, it would get a 10/10. As a film, I'm rating it good.

Five Element Ninjas (1982)

A kung fu directed by Chang Cheh.
A group of ninjas destroys a kung fu school, leaving only one man alive. He studies with another teacher and his 3 students and together they fight the ninjas.
This was actually really cool. The kung fu was good and the special effects were super cheesy. There was a great training scene and the final battle (or battles in this case) was epic. The ninja teams used themed strategies for each of the 5 elements and the kung fu guys had to come up with counter-strategies based on the ninja attacks. There was definitely enough blood and even some dismemberment. These last 2 things are not necessary, but were absolutely appreciated. I'm rating this best.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Castle Freak (1995)

A horror directed by Stuart Gordon, distributed by Full Moon Pictures.
A family is in a car accident in which the son is killed and the daughter is blinded. Soon after, the father inherits a castle and brings his family with him to see it. Unfortunately for them, the previous owner kept her son in the basement and he is still there.
It's a little bit difficult to write a review for this type of film. It was a B horror flick and everything was cheesy. Being Full Moon, I expected nice, clean camera-work. This was not the case. Most of the scenes were very dark and the camera angles were strange. Most Full Moon monsters are very clearly visible as well, but this was an exception to that rule. I'm rating it poor because it didn't meet my minimal expectations.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The War Zone (1999)

A drama directed by Tim Roth.
A young man discovers that his father is raping his sister.
The plot was sparse and there were very few characters. These factors actually worked out well for this film though. The style was as sparse as the plot and characters, leading to a congruent finished product. As always, I must comment on breasts. They were PERFECT! Not so small as to become invisible when the daughter lies on her back, but not so large as to be... What am I talking about? Too big is almost never a problem! I'm rating this o.k. because I wasn't really all that impressed.

Bronson (2008)

A comedy biography directed by Nicolas Winding Refn, starring Tom Hardy.
A tough man who likes to fight spends most of his time in prison and becomes the United Kingdom's most dangerous criminal.
What would normally be a very depressing story is presented with humor as this man raises hell wherever he goes. The main character narrates his own story from a stage in front of an unseen audience while wearing a few types of makeup. Overall, the film was very interesting and I wish I could watch it for the first time again. I'm rating it awesome.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Aftermath (1994)

A gore film by Nacho Cerda.
A man is performing autopsies and his next task is a female body. He takes time to give her "special treatment".
YUCK! SO GROSS! The film is 30 minutes long with no dialogue. Watching the lyrics to a Cannibal Corpse song being enacted on screen is not exactly my cup of tea. It was, however, very well made. The filmmakers did a great job and I give them credit for that. I'm rating it adequate.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

The Da Vinci Code (2006)

A mystery directed by Ron Howard, starring Tom Hanks.
A symbologist is called in to interperate a strange murder and is lead on a hunt for the holy grail.
I had to turn it off. This guy who was supposed to be "so smart" has trouble linking easy connections when he should have said: "oh, that's so simple! I know what's going on!". A lot of the film was in French, but no subtitles were provided, leaving the viewer guessing at what was said. Anyway, it's extremely boring if you know anything about symbolism or the new world order. I had o turn it off, so I'm rating it shit.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Nekromantic & Nekromantik 2 (1987 & 1991)

A horror/art film set directed by Jorg Buttgereit.
A man on a corpse clean-up crew brings his work home with him as an aphrodisiac for his girlfriend. She leaves him and he kills himself. He is later dug up by another woman for the same purpose that he was using corpses for.
I saw death, gore and sex. In my mind, they don't mix well. I could go for sex with blood in any amount, but this was too gross. The first film was more senseless gore and corpses than the other. The second film was more of an art piece, with peaceful outdoor settings and better music. The characters and plot are a non-issue here, as they were a minor part of the films in question. I think that the style was very unique and emphasized the gruesome details. These films clearly achieved what they set out for, and for that, I commend them. However, it wasn't what I wanted to see. I'm rating it o.k. for the execution being balanced with the execution (if you get my drift).

The Golden Compass (2007)

A fantasy directed by Chris Weitz, starring Nicole Kidman.
In a world where people have animal counterparts that are bonded for life, a girl finds out about kids being abducted. The woman that she is staying with turns out to be in charge of this operation and the girl heads off to rescue the children.
There are many things to comment on: The animals that these people have are called demons, to start with. One of the men in the film is named Azrael, also known as the angel of death with 4 faces, 4 thousand wings and a body made up of tongues and eyes equal to the human population of Earth. The ruling elite in the film push conformity in many of the same ways that the ruling elite here do it. The child abduction scheme rang a bell as well (Project MONARCH and MK ULTRA). I was especially entertained by their version of unmanned spy planes. The only thing more entertaining than that was an object that I misheard as being called an "anesthesiometer". New world order/Illuminati similarities aside, it was mainly a kids' film and about 95% CG. I'm rating it poor because I didn't like it, but it gave me something to write about.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Tales from the Hood (1995)

A horror by Rusty Cundieff.
A group of young black men meet a mortician in his funeral home, where he has promised to sell them something. He tells them horror stories while they are there.
The first segment is about corrupt cops and the second is about a boy whose mother's boyfriend abuses him. The third segment is what I would call "Tha Puppet Masta". A politician is living in a plantation mansion and is attacked by dolls. The fourth segment is "A Clockwork Watermelon". A criminal is put through "rehabilitation" for a life of crime.
This style of horror seems more like comedy to me and this WAS funny. The special effects REEK of Nightmare on Elm Street goodness and the stories are uber-cheesy. I even thought that the gangsta rap soundtrack fit very well. Overall, it was very entertaining. I'm rating it good.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The American Dream (2010)

An animated documentary by Tad Lumpkin and Harold Uhl.
America's banking system is explained in the form of a cartoon.
For all you pansies who can't take the time to watch Endgame and Zeitgeist, this is your introduction to the wool that's been pulled over your eyes. They use humorous pop-culture references to make the point about fractional reserve banking. I'm rating this good because it would be a good first video to introduce someone to the Illuminati and the new world order.

Havoc (2005)

A drama directed by Barbara Kopple, starring Anne Hathaway and Freddy Rodriguez.
A young man is making a documentary about rich white kids in Los Angeles, California. 2 of the girls get involved in a Mexican gang and cause problems for both groups.
The idea of the kid making the film about this subject was cool, but it was under-played. Most of the film was like a regular movie, when it could have been made like it was the documentary that was being made in the film. I thought the plot and characters were alright. Obviously, the style was not to my liking and I thought that it could have been executed better. I'm rating it o.k.

Howl's Moving Castle (2004)

A fantasy anime by Hayao Miyazaki.
A girl is turned into an old woman by a witch. She finds a wizard's famous moving castle and barges in. She makes friends with a boy there who is pretending to be a wizard and the fire demon who lives in the hearth. She ends up taking care of the castle and the wizard who owns it.
Miyazaki can do no wrong. All of his films have great animation style and good plots. The chaacters are always good, but there is always a "mushy" or sentimental ending. Anyway, it's good anime. I'm rating this best.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Wraith (1986)

A fantasy action film directed by Mike Marvin, starring Charlie Sheen.
A young man who was killed in a road racing accident comes back to take revenge on the gang that killed him.
The soundtrack was full of '80s goodness including Ozzy Osbourne and Motley Crue. The style of the whole film was very '80s as well, which I appreciated. The plot and characters were alright. I really liked watching the cars be destroyed in those explosives-aided crashes. I'm rating it good for entertainment value.

The Departed (2006)

A crime film directed by Martin Scorsese, starring Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon.
An informant for the Irish mafia is placed inside the Boston police force, while the Boston police force plants an informant in the Irish mafia.
This is a newer classic crime film with a pretty good cast. This means I liked the characters and the plot. Obviously, there is a lot of talking in code and lots of shooting. It's overproduced, but I think that actually helps in this case. I'm rating it good because I like it and because I'm tired of giving bad reviews.

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Brown Bunny (2003)

An art film Directed, produced, written by and starring Vincent Gallo.
A motorcycle racer drives around and meets up with various women for very short periods of time.
I still don't understand this. There is a revealing final scene about a party that the main character was at with the last girl he meets. It tries to inject some plot into the story, but it was too little, too late. The whole hour before it (of an hour and a half film) was just the guy driving around, having short chance encounters with women, usually involving a kiss and him leaving. I have to rate it poor for plotlessness.

Godsend (2004)

A horror directed by Nick Hamm, starring Robert De Niro.
An 8 year old boy is killed in a car accident and his parents are distraught over the loss of their son. A scientist comes to them and tells them of a way to clone their child, so they accept his offer. Once the new son reaches the age of 8, he begins having nightmares and acting out at school.
Mediocre and generic. It follows every 2000s high budget horror film cliche. Needless to say, the production quality looks amazing because of the 25 million dollar budget. I especially found it funny when the dad was looking up sleep problems online. They had him looking at incoherent graphs and charts while stereotypical "learning music" was playing in the background. The dad is the butt of all jokes here, as he goes like an informal private detective and tracks down a nanny who may have important information. She tells him a story (in flashback, of course) that he thinks will "blow the lid off his case". I'm rating this bad because it's overproduced, generic crap.

Factory Girl (2006)

A biography directed by George Hickenlooper.
A rich girl from Massachusetts moves to New York City and meets Andy Warhol. She becomes a regular at his parties and they make films together. When she meets another man, Warhol's support is withdrawn and she is left alone.
By the end of the film, the main character started to remind me of the Nancy character from Sid and Nancy. She was always crying or whining and always in need of drugs, but rarely got them. The characters were good, including the fake Andy Warhol who acted like the other fake one from Basquiat. I thought the plot was a little simple, but not bad. There were many scenes in black and white showing the films that were made, mixed with color scenes of what was happening. I hate to give so many of the same rating in a row, but I have to be honest about the films. Adequate.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Quick Change (1990)

A crime comedy by Bill Murray, co-starring Geena Davis.
A man disguised as a clown initiates a bank robbery. 2 of the hostages in the bank are his friends and when the police ask for hostages to be released, the 3 criminals come out instead. With the bank job a success, they try to leave the city as fast as they can, but are held up by a series of problems.
This is the only film that lists Bill Murray as a director, so his comedic style is all over it. If I didn't see the date, I would have thought it was an '80s film, as the plot and characters reek of that time period. The style was way '80s as well, with '90s production value. It wasn't anything special, but not too shabby. I'm rating it adequate.

Gerry (2002)

An adventure by Gus Van Sant, Casey Affleck and Matt Damon.
A pair of young men get lost in the desert.
More Gus Van Sant! There were only 2 characters and very sparse dialogue. The characters do some pretty stupid things like jumping off of a tall rock, keeping walking when they are clearly headed in the wrong direction and constantly changing the direction of their walk. Oh, well, it's a movie and that type of stupidity should be expected. Overall, I found it a little boring to just watch these dudes walk. I'm rating it o.k. because I've seen much worse.

Georgia Rule (2007)

A drama directed by Garry Marshall, starring Jane Fonda and Lindsay Lohan.
A mother sends her uncontrollable daughter to live with the strict grandmother, only to return and live there too. Meanwhile, the daughter is making accusations that her step-father had sex with her and the mother has a drinking problem.
I'm reminded of Black Snake Moan by the premise of this film (slut in the country wants to have sex with every man she meets). This one involved far more family dynamics and doubt over who was telling the truth. The characters were stereotypical in contrast to the complex plot. The style and production value both screamed "new movie". I'm rating it poor because I just didn't like it.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Finding Forrester (2000)

A drama directed by Gus Van Sant, starring Sean Connery.
An intelligent young black man breaks into the apartment of an old white man, but leaves his bag behind. The old man throws the bag back, with all of the notebooks in it corrected in "red pen teacher style". The boy gets accepted into a private school for free because of a test score and strikes up a friendship with the old man based on writing.
A "hidden talent" film, huh? I've seen many of these and this is no different. All the film elements are decent, but the production value stands out beyond everything else. Why is this? Is it to get people to watch the same story again? Is it to make money off the same story again? Aha! That's it! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad, it just wasn't different. I'm rating it a mediocre o.k. and it should have followed the advice given to the main character when he was getting C grades, but scored awesome on a general test.

Final Fantasy VII Advent Children (2005)

A CG animated fantasy directed by Tetsuya Nomura.
The plot of the video game, Final Fantasy VII is continued. A group of powerful men are looking for a piece of an alien and they kidnap children that have a certain disease related marking on them. The heroes from the video game must defeat these men.
The soundtrack was absolutely amazing! There were some songs from the game and some were remade into power metal. I especially liked the song from the final boss battle. The animation used the new movie technique of quick moving cameras, which I didn't like, but overall, things looked o.k. Some of the characters ended up with strange voices in the English version, but that's to be expected. I'm rating this adequate.

Elephant (2003)

A drama by Gus Van Sant.
Various teens are shown at school on the day that 2 boys bring in guns and explosives to destroy their teachers and peers.
I thought most of this film was a meaningless, meandering mess but it seemed like it was supposed to be that way. It was meant to set up the scene for the 2 attackers. What do I think about the Columbine incident that this film was based on? Insanity is the only sane reaction to an insane world and when you fill young men with mind altering prescription drugs and violent media, this is what happens. They were clearly doing what they thought they were being told to do. Anyway, I'm rating this o.k.. It didn't really impress me all that much.

Friday, October 7, 2011

A Guide to Rcognizing Your Saints (2006)

A crime drama by Dito Montiel.
A man returns to New York City where he spent his youth being a miscreant. He remembers this in flashbacks.
Almost nothing happens. Seriously. The characters don't even develop! I'm sure that I can't write anything interesting about this film. Why was it made? Beats me! I'm rating it bad.

The Beat that My Heart Skipped (2005)

A crime film by Jacques Audiard.
A real estate thug wants to be a concert pianist, like his mother. Meanwhile, his father is involved in the same line of work and while his friend is having affairs with other women, he has an affair with his girlfriend. The main character schedules an audition with a concert promoter and takes piano lessons from a Japanese woman who does not speak his language.
A complex plot, but such is life. The film was in French and the subtitles really flew by quickly. I thought the plot and characters were alright. The style wasn't really up my alley tough. I'm rating it o.k.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Extraordinary Rendition (2007)

A drama by Jim Theapleton.
A man is abducted and tortured for no reason.
The film starts with some security guards finding a beaten man and then a quote from Dick Chaney: "Men without conscience are capable of any cruelty the human mind can imagine". Way to explain yourself, Dick! What follows is the abduction of a political prisoner into a Guantanamo Bay type situation. He is not told why he is there or given a fair trial. He is tortured in every imaginable way. It happens all the time and the media does not cover it because it would incriminate their masters. I thought this film was incredibly relevant to the current state of affairs and very revealing, if you know what's going on. I'm rating it good for these reasons. However, it is not something that I would want to watch again.

Employee of the Month (2006)

A comedy directed by Greg Coolidge, starring Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson.
A slacker at a super store tries to become employee of the month to impress an attractive new female co-worker.
I've worked in a corporate warehouse before and a lot of the things that the employees do match my experience exactly. There's always a boss-ass kissing jerk who's the favorite, cool older guys and usually an underdog, the shame of the company. I was that underdog, but I had a workload that towered above all others. It drove me to suicide attempts like "If I die from alcohol poisoning, I won't have to go to work tomorrow!". This happened almost every night. Anyway, the movie. I thought it was funny and obviously, the characters were good. I liked the plot about the competition for employee of the month. The style was way "new movie", but everything else made up for that. I'm rating it awesome.

Dogville (2003)

A drama by Lars Von Trier, starring Nicole Kidman.
A fugitive comes to a very small town and must prove her worth to the inhabitants so they will let her stay.
There was no set. Everything was on one flat stage with minimal props. There were no walls on the buildings, only lines on the floor. Everything was slow, from dialogue to the movement of characters. I got 45 minutes in and looked at the timer... How much more of this can I take?... NOT 3 HOURS!!!! Hence, I turned it off and you know what that means. Shit review.

District 9 (2009)

A science fiction directed by Neill Blomkamp, produced by Peter Jackson.
An alien ship arrives in Africa, but no aliens come out. The military open the ship to find the aliens in very poor conditions. A shanty town is erected (called district 9) where the aliens can live. A new town is constructed later and the military sends people in to evict the aliens from their old town and move them to the new town. One of the leaders of this mission is sprayed with alien liquid and begins to transform into one of them.
The whole movie was gross, dirty and very rough, but I believe that this was the intention of the filmmakers. This style achieved it's intended purpose as shootouts and escapes happened. I think that the aliens were very well done, since I couldn't tell if they were men in costumes, animatronic, or CG. The few main characters were good and I liked the plot. There is a really good chase/fight scene in the end where the changing human pilots an alien robot in order to help one of the aliens. I'm rating this good.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Dirty Pretty Things (2002)

A drama directed by Stephen Frears.
A Nigerian illegal immigrant is in London, working for a cab company by day and a hotel by night. He stays with another illegal immigrant who is not supposed to be working because of her visa status, but works at a clothing factory and has to sexually satisfy her boss so that he does not report her. The hotel that the man works at is in an organ smuggling ring. Yes, the plot is complex.
The characters were very good and I think that the actors did a good job. The plot was obviously complicated, but still pretty cool. Style barely came into the picture, as keeping track of characters and plot was my main focus. Overall, it was nice, but nothing special. I'm rating it o.k.

Death at a Funeral (2007)

A comedy directed by Frank Oz.
A family gathers to mourn the loss of their patriarch, but there are many distractions.
It's so rare for me to find a comedy funny, but this one actually is. It didn't start off well, but as soon as it was revealed that one of the characters had unknowingly taken strong drugs, things just got better from that point. The standard "stupid American" bathroom and sex jokes were avoided thankfully. I'm rating this adequate.

Crying Fist (2005)

A drama by Ryu Seung-Wan.
2 boxers are down on their luck. One is in prison and the other is destitute with poverty. They both attend the same tournament and end up fighting each other in the final match.
It wasn't as depressing as I thought it would be. The switches between characters boggled things up and a dark style couldn't develop because of this. I also thought that the boxing should have been more of an Asian style, with elbows and knees applied liberally. The plot lines were as brutally tragic as advertised, but lost their momentum when switching between characters. I'm rating this o.k. because I think it deserved to be made better.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

D-War (2007)

A fantasy directed by Shim Hyung-Rae, starring Jason Behr and Amanda Brooks.
A reincarnation of a powerful heavenly warrior must protect a young woman with a dragon birthmark from a giant snake. This is in hopes that they can get to a magic cave and meet the good snake, hence turning him into a dragon.
Lots of people talk a lot of shit about this movie that it doesn't deserve. The CG is great, but that's it. Unfortunately, they roll out every type of dragon within the first half hour, leaving only one surprise dragon for the ending. I would call it the anti-climax. There was definitely enough screen time given to these mythic beasts though. It's no use covering the other aspects of the film, as they were almost non-existent. I'm rating this adequate because I like CG dragons, but it could have been SO MUCH better.

BA:BO (2008)

A drama directed by Kim Jeong-Kwon.
A mentally handicapped young man runs a toast stand and takes care of his younger sister. An old friend of his from school returns to their hometown where they are reunited. The main character's best friend gets in trouble with a gangster and his sister gets sick. The mentally handicapped man tries to help them.
This has a surprise tragic ending that makes the film worth while. The characters were all good and the actors playing them did so very convincingly. I didn't like the plot at first, but by the end of the film, I had changed my mind. I'm rating this good.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Cave (2005)

A horror directed by Bruce Hunt.
A team of scientists explores a cave that is inhabited by monsters.
This seemed like a syfy channel production, but it wasn't. It was just bad. The plot and characters were so stereotypical and it was over-produced to no end. The style sucked and they didn't show the monsters enough. With more monster footage, it would have gotten a better rating, but I have to say bad.

The Chumscrubber (2005)

A black comedy directed by Arie Posin, starring Glenn Close.
A boy's friend and drug dealer kills himself and some other kids at school want him to go and get his friend's remaining drugs for them. They try to kidnap his brother to hold hostage until he gives them the drugs.
Another black comedy with a twisted and complex plot. I see the joke about modern society, parent-child relationships and not seeing the forest because there are so many trees. There were some parts that were funny, but most things were not concluded properly. A prime example of this is the drugs in the casserole at the wedding. This just didn't do it for me. I'm rating it o.k.

Crank & Crank High Voltage (2006 & 2009)

Action films directed by Neveldine/Taylor, starring Jason Statham.
In the first film, a man is injected with a drug that causes his heart to stop and has to keep his adrenaline up to stay alive. In the second film, the same man's heart is stolen and replaced with a mechanical one, so he has to repeatedly shock himself to stay alive.
Both of these films were very "high energy", to put it lightly. The second one contained a scene that made me look away from the screen. What is it? As you know, I will watch Hellraiser without batting an eye, so there's no way I'm going to spoil such an epic cinema moment. This gruesome act was shown in high definition detail, while earlier in the same film, people having sex is blurred out. ...and this makes sense how? Obviously, I wasn't bored at any point while watching these films. I'm rating them awesome just for being so interesting.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Collateral Damage (2002)

an action film directed by Andrew Davis, starring Arnold Schwarzennegger and John Leguizamo.
A fireman's wife and son are killed in a terrace attack and he goes to South America in search of revenge.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's accent makes all of his movies good. I'm always entertained by a thick, but coherent accent. The rest of the flick was a total mind control piece. We're supposed to believe that these South Americans want to attack the CIA in America and are capable of doing so on their own? Give me a break! They're funded by the CIA, so why cut off the money supply? The CIA tells them to do this type of stuff so that they can take American freedom away in order to ensure "security" from "terrace" attacks. Yeah, I'm making fun of the way out nation's politicians say the word "terrorist". Arnold Schwarzenegger (last name translation in German = Blacknigger) earned this film a good rating, but without him, it would have been shit for brainwashing. Blacknigger there makes it a comedy.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Coffee and Cigarettes (2003)

An art film by Jim Jarmusch, starring Steve Buscemi, Bill Murray, Iggy Pop, Jack White, Meg White, GZA and RZA.
A series of short scenes is shown in which small groups of characters meet and the topics of coffee and cigarettes always come up in their conversation. Most of the characters drink coffee and smoke cigarettes.
The premise is a cool idea, but I don't think that it was executed as well as it could have been. All of the characters seemed very uncomfortable, except for RZA and GZA when talking to Bill Murray. By the way, what a great cast for a scene! It was my favorite part. If I had been in charge, I would have put someone with alternative methods of administering drugs in one of the scenes, like someone who uses chewing tobacco and drinks soda, just to throw a monkey wrench in the works. I thought it was cool, but not quite as cool as it could have been. I'm rating it adequate.

Cloverfield (2008)

A disaster film directed by Matt Reeves.
A group of friends are at a party at night, when a giant monster attacks the city. One of them was video taping the party and continues to film as they run from the monster.
This was all from the perspective of the friend who was video taping the party and there isn't a steady shot in the entire film. I found it a little annoying, but it preserved the premise very well. If I was making a monster movie, it would be all monster and probably get boring very quickly. This one showed only short glimpses of the beast, which is probably a better way to keep the viewer's attention. I'm rating this adequate.

City of Ember (2008)

A science fiction directed by Gil Kenan, starring Bill Murray.
Because of a nuclear war, an underground city was constructed. A box with instructions on how to get out has a 200 year timed lock on it. The box is eventually forgotten, so nobody knows when the lock opens. Many years later, children find the box and it's exit instructions.
This was so sappy and overproduced that I'm surprised it isn't Disney. It's really a kids film, but this fact is not given anywhere. I thought the characters were shallow and the plot a little trite. The style seemed like a combination of Disney and Scifi channel presents... I'm rating it o.k.