Friday, September 30, 2011
A drama directed by Matt Hannon.
A carpet cleaner is called back a few times to the same place. He steals presents from the place that he is cleaning, but the woman invites him to stay at her house when he loses his job and has nowhere else to go. He tries to be a better person, but it backfires on him.
This was apparently made by High School students and intended to be "shared" on the internet. The plot and characters were good and the production value was amazingly good, considering the circumstances under which it was made. There was a lot of wind noise on the microphones, but it didn't spoil the sound too badly. The style was very "independent film" and I liked that. I'm rating this good. The High School kids did a good job.
A black comedy by Clark Gregg.
A man who works at a colonial theme park has sex with strangers and intentionally chokes on food at restaurants. He also has a crazy mother who is in a mental institution.
This is one of those black comedies that barely makes any sense. The main character was the only one who was developed, but this was done confusingly. Obviously, the plot wasn't very clear. The style was not anything to get excited about either. I'm rating this poor.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
A science fiction romantic comedy by Sean Ellis.
A young man is distraught over a break up with his girlfriend and cannot sleep. He takes on a night job at a grocery store and finds that he can freeze time. He also falls in love with a co-worker.
Style and originality are where it's at and this film has both. The style was really cool, with good camera angles and good production value. The plot was original and the characters were also good. The premise of freezing time worked out very well for an art student drawing customers at the grocery store. I even thought it was funny that the kung-fu guy couldn't be a good goalie when playing soccer (aka football). The 2 co-workers who would do anything but work reminded me of co-workers that I've known. I'm rating this best because it;s absolutely brilliant.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
An action film by Mel Gibson.
The final 12 hours of Jesus' life are shown. He is punished by being beaten, scourged, mocked and made to wear a crown of thorns. He is then sentenced to crucifixion and crucified.
I was cheering the whole time: "Hit him again!" "YES!" "More blood!". Obviously, I enjoyed this film. However, the manner of my enjoyment is probably not as was intended for viewers. The Roman guards all played great roles and looked like they were really into torturing Jesus. My favorite scene was the scourging, as it was clearly the most violent. I'm rating this awesome because we all know that the Christian version of Jesus never existed. It's merely a re-telling of a very old story.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
A western comedy directed by Joachim Ronning, starring Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.
A pair of women from different backgrounds decide to rob banks in order to benefit the Mexican people. One has been schooled in Europe, while the other is a farm hand.
There was a lot of slapstick comedy and some wire-work involved in this film. I believe that the costumes and shots were designed to show the breasts of the actresses. This is not a bad thing, as they had good ones. The plot and characters were cheesy and so was the style. I'm rating this o.k. because it's mass-produced Hollywood bullshit.
A music biography by Kevin Spacey, co-starring John Goodman.
The life and career of Bobby Darin is shown.
The film starts with a failed rendition of Mack the Knife that segues into Bobby Darin making a film about himself. The boy who is supposed to play him as a child says he knows more about Bobby than Bobby does. This leads to Mr. Darin discussing his life with the boy in the form of one long flashback. I like Bobby Darin's music (especially Mack the Knife), so this was a little fun to watch. I was disappointed by the lack of drug problems, but all stars aren't junkies. I'm rating this adequate.
Monday, September 26, 2011
A documentary directed by Stephen Judson with music by Queen.
A man and 2 friends climb the Eiger in the Bernese Alps.
This was really uninteresting. I can't see any reason for making a film like this. It seemed to me like this rich dude decided to take a vacation and have it made into a movie. Everything looked really scripted like it was "reality" TV. I'm rating it shit.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
A drama directed by Craig Brewer, starring Samuel L. Jackson, Christina Ricci and Justin Timberlake.
A black farmer finds an almost dead slut on the side of the road and nurses her back to health. Her boyfriend, who has joined the army, but has left goes looking for her.
I liked the extremity of the situation and how the farmer had to keep the girl chained to his radiator. The plot and characters were alright, but not anything that I would call good. The style was standard for 2000s films. I have to again rate a film adequate because there wasn't anything wrong, but I didn't think it earned a good rating.
A drama by Michael Polish, starring Billy Bob Thornton and Bruce Willis.
A farmer builds a rocket to go into space.
Seeing Billy Bob Thornton playing a sober role is strange to me. He made such a reputation with Bad Santa that it's a little bit strange to see him without a bottle of whiskey in his hand. The behavior of the government that is pictured in the film is strange as well. There's no way that they would allow this guy to construct and launch a rocket. The part about them denying that he launched is way accurate though. Another strange coincidence, the main character was a farmer whose last name was Farmer. Just a little odd. Overall, something about this film doesn't sit right with me. Other than weird observations, I liked the plot and characters. The style was pretty standard and I thought the pace was right. I'm rating it adequate because it was somewhat entertaining and interesting. I wish that I could pinpoint the strangeness and have an explanation for it, but I'm stumped.
An adventure directed by Oliver Stone, starring Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer and Anthony Hopkins.
The story of Alexander the great's campaign is told, out of sequence.
This film starts out with a big battle like 10 years into Alexander's campaign and keeps switching between before he left and after the battle. Obviously, there is new world order ideology and symbolism throughout. Most of the women wear snake themed armbands and globalism is a central theme of the entire film. There is also mention of bloodlines and characters being descended from certain mythical figures. Homosexuality is played off as normal in this film, with men kissing and talk of men "lying together" and the benefits that this brings. The 2 main characters, Alexander and Hephaestion are even involved in an implied homosexual relationship. Overall, it made me want to watch the less new world order driven Reign: The Conqueror anime series. I'm rating this poor because it's new world order mind control that is way over-produced.
Friday, September 23, 2011
A science fiction drama by Steven Spielberg.
A child robot is made that is programmed to love. He lives with a family until they cast him out. He then goes in search of the blue fairy from Pinocchio so that he can become a real boy.
Steven Spielberg always puts new world order agendas in his films. This one starts out with Al Gore's global warming scandal! It proceeds through robot-human hybrids and introduces grey alien looking robots near the end. Besides the mind control aspect, I thought it was good. There was entertainment value and it was way over-produced, but in a good way. I'm rating this adequate because it's a very well made piece of brainwashing propaganda.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
A drama directed by Martin Scorsese, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.
Howard Hughes becomes a successful film director and builds unsuccessful airplanes as his mental illness worsens.
This was way over-produced, but not really bad in the way that most over-produced films are. The main character going crazy was the best part. I won't tell any more about that, as I don't want to spoil it. Besides the main character, the others seemed replaceable and inconsistent. The plot was alright, as was the style. I'm rating this o.k. because that's exactly what it is.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
A science fiction directed by Andrei Tarkovsky.
A scientist goes to a research space station that is gathering information on another planet. He finds that the planet is driving people in the station insane.
This was in Russian with English subtitles and it was almost 3 hours long. The pace was slower than molasses in January. Obviously, it was so boring that I had to turn it off. Turn offs = shit ratings.
A documentary by Morgan Spurlock.
A man eats only McDonalds for a month to prove that health problems are related to their food.
The new world order wants you to eat at McDonalds. It's a FACT. Obviously, fast food is unhealthy and will cause health problems. Not only physical health is affected, as this man has mental health issues because of this diet as well. The Illuminati want us fat and stupid and fast food restaurants are doing this very effectively. My favorite scene in this film is about the school for bad kids where they feed them healthy food and their behavior improves. There is good information presented in a slightly entertaining manner. I'm rating this good.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
A drama directed by Kirsten Sheridan, starring Robin Williams.
A woman meets a man on the rooftop of a party. They have sex that night and conceive a child. They are separated due to circumstances beyond their control and the woman gives the son over to foster care. The son runs away to New York City, where he is found by a man who keeps musically gifted children in his warehouse and makes them busk on the street. He then escapes from child slavery to be taken in by a pastor, who enrolls him in music school. Meanwhile, the mother and father's lives take them to New York City and all 3 paths converge at the son's concert.
The plot was definitely over-complicated. All of the son's "learning music" scenes show him getting far too good far too quickly. I guess they did it to save time, but in order to get this child to Juilliard by the age of 12? In what world is that realistic? I'm rating this adequate because there was some entertainment value and the production value was amazing.
Monday, September 19, 2011
A musical biography directed by Ken Russell.
The life of classical composer, Tchaikovsky is shown in flashbacks and nightmares.
The production value of this film was extremely low. There were places where a shot switch was obvious. Characters would skip words and the video would skip to having them in different positions. In one super obvious example, an actor is explaining something while picking up a glass. When the shot switches, he hasn't finished his word and he's drinking from the glass that was only an inch from the table less than a millisecond before. The plot was actually good and full of human suffering. Most of the main characters go completely insane by the end of the film, but most of them started out crazy anyway. I'm rating this o.k.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
A crime comedy directed by Ronny Yu, starring Samuel L. Jackson.
A drug chemist goes to England to sell his formula, but when he gets there everything goes wrong.
Samuel L. Jackson is a good actor. I like the roles that he plays in films, but in this one, I thought he was under-cast. He has way more potential than this role allowed him to exhibit. The plot and characters were stereotypical of the genre and the style was "new movie", so I didn't enjoy it very much. I'm rating this bad because it is.
An action film by Yukihiko Tsutsumi.
2 young Japanese women share an apartment and are trying out for the same role in a film. One night, minor disagreements escalate to a battle to the death.
Cool. I mean REALLY COOL! There are only 2 characters and one setting (a la My Dinner with Andre), but they are used better than some films use a thousand people. These girls' cruelty to one another is unmatched, as they attack with any item at hand. The style and camera-work are great and the pacing is really fast once the action gets going. I'm rating this best.
A war film directed by Clint Eastwood.
A story about American soldiers who went to Vietnam is related.
I think I got about half way through this before turning it off. This is everything that I hate about war movies: it's just so boring! Somehow they even manage to make the battles boring too. Maybe I'm just not interested in war. Well, since I had to turn it off, I'm rating this shit.
A horror directed by David Slade.
A town in Alaska is about to begin a period of darkness for 30 days, when a group of vampires shows up.
This was a stereotypical horror flick. The plot and characters were predictable and the style was dark. The production value and pacing were good. If you like regular horror films, this would be a good one to watch. I'm rating it adequate.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
A science fiction horror directed by Danny Boyle and Juan Carlos Fresnadillo.
A disease turns people into ferocious zombies and a few survivors try to stay alive.
These films are among those called "post-apocalyptic" and generally follow the same outline. The style of this film is very dark and the almost doom metal sounding soundtrack fits this very well. When I hear about the illuminati wanting a population reduction of 95%, this is the type of scenario that would produce those results quite quickly. I'm rating this good because the elements of the films fit together very well. However, I must say that the first film was the better of the two.
Friday, September 16, 2011
A drama directed by Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu, starring Sean Penn, Naomi Watts and Benicio Del Toro.
The lives of seemingly unrelated characters intertwine as a man kills a husband and his daughters in a car accident and the husband's heart is transplanted into a man who falls in love with the widowed wife.
This is a prime example of non-linear plot. This film element is over-used to the point where the story almost doesn't make sense. I had a hard time figuring out WHEN some scenes were taking place, as nothing was in any sort of logical pattern. Aside from that, the plot is decent and the characters are developed well. Obviously, the style and pacing are all fucked up. I'm rating this poor because of the non-linear plot. If it were in order, it would probably get a good rating.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
A disaster film directed by Roland Emmerich, starring Dennis Quaid.
Giant storms freeze the earth. A son is in New York City and his father heads out through the storm to rescue him.
This was stereotypical and so overproduced. It also tries to back up Al Gore about his climate change hoax. The earth's temperature is regulated by the sun (imagine that!). When the earth is far away, it is cold. When the earth is close, it is hot. This has nothing to do with greenhouse gasses or carbon taxes in any way. I'm rating this film poor because it's basically pointless.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
A musical science fiction directed by John Coney, starring and music by Sun Ra.
Sun Ra finds a planet that he decides to populate with black people, in hopes of a better future. He goes to earth to recruit black people whom he finds to be worthy.
Let's talk about lo-fi! '70s recording equipment was obviously too limited for Sun Ra's vision of this film, as most of the sounds became extremely annoying (unless that is what he wanted). I believe that he made his career out of intentionally playing dissonant keyboard sounds. He plays standard style in the dance hall scene in the beginning, but soon turns to a less organized approach. Obviously, the plot and characters (which are a minor element) are super cheesy. Overall, it was annoying but original. I'm rating it bad instead of shit.
A fantasy directed by Guillermo Del Toro. A girl must complete a series of perilous tasks in order to regain her place as a princess in another world. Meanwhile, her mother is married to a war captain who is fighting stray bands of rebels in the countryside. I always talk about how bad CG is and how I don't like it, but it turned out to be good in this film. The fantastic CG beings were actually the best part! It was in Spanish with English subtitles. The style was very good and it gave a good impression of the fantasy world being connected to the real world, but not entirely the same. Overall, I think it was cool. I'm rating this good.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
A mystery by David Lynch, starring Naomi Watts.
The plot is the mystery here. There are people in Hollywood, but their roles change so frequently and dramatically that the plot can not be explained.
This is so far out there that it's hard to rate. The production value and style are unmatched, but the plot and characters are so confusing it isn't funny. That's really all there is to say about it. I'm rating this adequate because I like how crazy it is, but still don't understand it.
Friday, September 9, 2011
A drama by Claire Denis.
Ordinary people go about their lives. Seriously.
So, why did this film have to be made? Nothing really happens, characters are not developed (The similar looking black guys from the beginning were still a mystery to me at the end) and the style basically sucked. They COULD have made an awesome movie about depraved drunkenness and a wild night on the town, but no. Who would ever like this shit? Is your life SO BORING that you have to watch a movie about normal people doing normal things? UGH! I'm rating it shit! The curse of bad movies has fallen upon me!
A music documentary by Ken Russell.
The life and music of the composer, Edward Elgar is shown.
This film was SO BORING! They used black and white video segments and still pictures, accompanied by a dry monologue and some of the composer's music to tell his story. It would have been better represented with a recording accompanied by written material. Since I wish this film hadn't been made or I hadn't watched it, I have to rate it shit. I want the last 56 minutes of my life back!
An animated adventure by Martin Rosen.
A pair of dogs escape from a research facility. They draw attention to themselves by killing sheep. This attracts a fox who acts as their guide.
Oh, the old days of animated films... Pixar can't do anything this cool! The plot and characters were good and I liked the realistic animation style. The dogs' movements were animated very well and I liked the "camera angles", if you could call it that. I'm rating this awesome.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
A romance by Sofia Coppola, starring Bill Muray and Scarlett Johansson.
A celebrity and an unsatisfied bride are bored in a Japanese hotel. They meet and become friends, developing an almost romantic relationship.
I normally don't go for romance, but this was a little different. I like Bill Murray as an actor and there was a little comedy involved. So, the plot and characters were alright. I think I liked the style best of all. The film did a good job of portraying a chance encounter of bored strangers developing an unexpected relationship. I was really surprised that there wasn't even an implied sex scene, but I think that made it classier. I'm rating this adequate.
An action film directed by Ridley Scott, starring Russell Crowe.
A famous war leader is sentenced to death when the old emperor dies. He escapes, only to find his family killed and his land burned. He is captured and becomes a gladiator.
This was total bullshit. They even used a scene from 300 with the wife and child standing together in a field. I'm serious, it's the exact same scene! The plot and characters lacked depth and the style was so stereotypical of 2000s films. I have to rate this bad, because it is.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
A drama directed by Cristian Mungiu.
In a city where abortion is illegal, a pregnant girl's roommate helps her to arrange for an illegal abortion to be performed and cares for her after the fact.
This was in Romanian with subtitles. The dialogue was minimal, but also most of the film. It was a very sparse film with that "independent" style. There were very few main characters, but they were good ones. The deal that the girls make to pay for the abortion is a great scene. I'm rating this adequate because it's low budget and un-commercial enough for me, but there wasn't much there.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
A remake science fiction directed by Francis Lawrence, starring Will Smith.
A man who thinks that he may be the last human on earth after a medical apocalypse tries to live a normal life and eventually finds other humans.
Will Smith is a piece of shit and 2007 was not a good year for films. The plot and characters were almost a repeat of the other "omega man" films that were made before this, except for the '00s ending. I really think that after like 50 years, a new scenario could be thought of, but no. The film industry is set on remakes. In the first Will Smith scene, there are a herd of CG deer. It's totally pbvious that they are CG too. No attempt was made to make them look real. I'm rating this poor because of the CG deer and a reused premise.
An animated fantasy directed by Bill Melendez.
A group of children walk through the back of a magical wardrobe and into a "hidden world of awesomeness" where they must help a Christ-figure lion to defeat an evil witch.
The '70s animation style in this is so raw and primitive that it's cool. The plot and characters come from the original book, published in 1950. I thought that the plot was a little simple and stereotypical, but still nice for entertainment. Aslan is the fabled "savior" lion who is sacrificed by the witch, only to return from the dead. Some people equate this to Jesus and I know there are other similarities, but can't think of them now. I grew up with this, so I'm rating it good for sentimental value.
Monday, September 5, 2011
An adventure directed by Nicolas Roeg.
A father goes on a picnic with his daughter and son. The father begins shooting at his offspring, until he decides that they are going to avoid his shots. He then sets the car on fire and shoots himself. The older daughter salvages what she can from the picnic and the siblings run away, stranded in the Australian outback. They wander until they are on the brink of death, at which point they find an oasis that dries up overnight. They decide to stay there the following day, in hopes of the water returning. At this point, an aboriginal young man appears and becomes their guide. They can't help but follow him until they can find a way back to civilization.
Great film! It starts out tragic and disastrous, but turns into a psychedelic spiritual journey at some point. The camera goes wild in the outback, shooting whatever and showing short clips of the characters. Eventually things become coherent again as the native Australian is on a killing spree. He kills any animal in sight, and where they are, there are a lot of animals. Suddenly a jeep with shotgun hunters passes by and he sees them killing animals at about 1 animal per second. I saw jealousy in his eyes at this point, in awe of greater killing machines. He eventually goes insane and hangs himself in a tree after meditating among the bones of the dead in skeleton paint and scaring the sister by dancing provocatively, leaving the siblings on their own. At this point, a unique truck passes on the road. Now, I've heard of "18 wheelers" before, but never a "42 wheeler"! I have to rate this best. This is going into my collection.
A horror directed by Alexandre Aja.
A pair of young women on break from school stay at one of their parents' houses. During the night, a serial killer enters, slays the parents and kidnaps the girl. The other girl follows from safe hiding places, trying to rescue her friend.
This film has a very inconclusive ending that brings up questions about who the characters really are. I won't spoil it here because I'm not sure if I completely understand it myself. The style is very dark, as is the setting (it all happens at night). This picture is being used because it depicts the coolest weapon in the film, a stake wrapped in barbed wire. Fuck the concrete saw, this is way more brutal! If you like gory and intense films, this may be a good one for you. I'm rating it good because it reflects the title very well.
A thriller directed by Tom Tykwer, starring Dustin Hoffman.
A young man with an extraordinary sense of smell learns the perfume trade and murders women to capture their scent.
The plot and characters are great. The setting is perfect and the style is very well done. There is a contrast that is emphasized of clean vs. dirty. The filthy streets and alleyways of the cities are contrasted with nobility and women who smell so good to the main character. Being a longer film (over 2 hours), the pace seems right, as it just goes right by very smoothly. I'm rating this awesome because it really impressed me.
A kung fu directed by Rob Minkoff, starring Jackie Chan and Jet Li.
A modern American boy is transported to ancient China when he tries to help a pawn shop owner defend his shop from robbers. The shop owner tells the boy to return a magic staff from the shop to it's rightful owner. Once in China, the boy makes friends with a fighter who knows the owner of the staff is the monkey king, whom the jade warlord has imprisoned in stone. Quest time.
This had so much potential. They could have made such a great kung fu film that anything else would be absurd. They did nothing of the sort. They made an absurd, over-done disasterpiece. The pace was so fast and jumpy and the plot so complex that the viewer has no time to enjoy what's going on. The kung fu and the wire work are good, but there is way to much CG for the tastes of die hard fu fans. I'm rating this adequate because it has entertainment value, but could have been done so much better.
A drama by Todd Haynes, starring Julianne Moore and Dennis Quaid.
A seemingly happily married couple in the '50s have problems. The husband is gay and the wife is attracted to a black man.
The plot and characters left much to be desired. Maybe I just didn't like them... I thought the style and production value were good, but the pace was very slow. I'm rating this poor because I got bored and it wasn't what I would choose to watch.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
A science fiction drama directed by Michel Gondry, starring Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst and Elijah Wood.
A couple have their memories of each other erased and then meet again.
This film starts at the end and ends where it started. It's so appropriate that the characters reunite in Montauk, because that is where the government has been centering their trauma based mind control experiments for quite some time. The plot was good, but I didn't like the characters and I thought they were under-developed, despite the fact that their whole past together was shown. The style was kind of cool as it skipped around while the guys messed with Jim Carrey's brain. I'm rating this o.k. for a balance of good and bad things.
A science fiction directed by Alfonso Cuaron, starring Clive Owen, Julianne Moore and Michael Caine.
In a post-apocalyptic future, nobody has been able to have children for over 18 years. A man's ex-wife asks him to escort the first pregnant woman in years to safety.
This was a very dark film. The style conveyed the plot very well. It's a film that is years ahead of it's time, meaning that this is a possibility in the future. Why? Bisphenol A is a chemical that is used in the manufacture of food and beverage containers, money, receipt paper and ink, cosmetics and clothing. It leads to higher risks of getting cancer and it damages hormones. Some people say that it could cause infertility. Suddenly science fiction just becomes the future, as always. I'm rating this film good because I think that it was made very well and has a pertinent theme.
A drama by Cameron Crowe, starring Fairuza Balk.
A young journalist travels with a rock band while writing a story about them.
Why did I list this film as starring a very minor character? Because it's Fairuza Balk, of course! Theplot and characters are good and I liked the style. The pace was quick, but the film was still very long (almost 3 hours). The soundtrack is made up of classic rock like one would find on a radio station, with bits of the fictional band mixed in. I had seen bits and pieces of this before, but never the whole thing. I'm rating this good because I just like it.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
A drama directed by Claude Faraldo.
A blue collar worker abandons his normal life to live like a cave man.
This was way strange. It was in French, but I don't think these people were speaking French. It sounded like gibberish, but the dialogue was so minimal that it didn't matter. What little plot there was was great. I greatly enjoyed seeing this regular dude bellowing at people until he gets his way and smashing the side of his apartment open. If you like crazy stuff, here it is! I'm rating this awesome just for being so weird.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
An animated adventure by Martin Rosen.
Following the advice of a young visionary, a small group of rabbits leave their home and try to form a new one far away. They run into a large group of rabbits in a totalitarian society. The tyrant of this civilization decides that the heroes are enemies.
I was reminded of human world war 2 stories when watching this. The political themes are very similar. Overall, the plot was decent, but the characters were difficult to pick out, all being rabbits. The animation style was representative of the time it was made, with a mostly realistic look, but some stylized scenes. I'm rating this adequate.
A mystery directed by Robin Hardy and Neil LaBute, starring (1973) Christopher Lee, (2006) Nicolas Cage.
A police officer goes to an isolated island because he receives a letter about a missing child. The people on the island don't like him and confuse him, but he persists in his search for the girl. He finds out about pagan rituals performed there and tries to stop them from killing the girl.
These were 2 very different films! They had some similarities like the same basic plot, hating the main character and a wild ending. They had way more differences though, like: The 2006 film changed everything it could without changing the basic plot and it had a wilder ending that I wish had happened in real life. In the 1973 film, there were naked women and good music, but in 2006 we get man hating feminists. The production value of 1973 is not so great, but 2006 is way over-produced, with stupid flashback scenes every few minutes. To give you a hint about my preference, Nicolas cage is in the second one (hate his guts!) and that's why I like the ending more. I'm rating the set o.k. because the 2006 film redeemed itself for all of it's sins in the end.