Friday, July 30, 2010

Hellsing Ultimate OVA (2006)

An anime animated by Madhouse.
A very powerful vampire is on a mission and recruits a female police officer by turning her into a vampire. She joins the same group and they have adventures together on their missions.
The audio was very low in the first 3 episodes and very loud in the 4th. The video was always amazing.
This anime is among the best of the best animes of all time. It is expertly drawn, the characters are memorable and the plots keep your attention. The battle scenes are epic and the attacks and weapons are creative and innovative without leaving out classic anime weapons. If you're looking for vampire anime that will knock your socks off, this is it!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Dead Leaves (2004)

An anime directed by Hiroyuki Imaishi.
The main characters awaken with no memory and begin a crime spree. They are arrested and sentenced to jail on the moon where they break free and try to fight heir way out.
The audio and video were AWESOME!!!!
check out: The "power dong".
Violence? Check!
Sex? Check!
Wild animation style? Check!
This wild anime is so cool that it goes BEYOND a green rating. The plot and characters are really cool. The automated jail is crazy and the fights against robots and guards are even crazier. If you like crazy movies or anime, you have to see this.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (2004)

A half CG anime directed by Mamoru Oshii.
Prototype robots start attacking their owners before killing themselves. The invisible stripper's partner from section 9 goes to investigate.
The audio was in English and had English subtitles, but they didn't match. The phrasing was different. The video was good, but it seemed like a waste to use such good video for such a dull plot.
check out: We never find out if the dog is real.
This one is such a curve ball. The production quality and the characters are really good, but the plot almost put me to sleep. It's very slow moving and very long. I'll just give it an o.k. to avoid confusion.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Appleseed Ex Machina (2007)

A CG anime directed by Shinji Aramaki.
A common bluetooth headset/social networking device activates it's mind control program.
The audio was bad. All of the important dialogue was almost muted. The video was o.k.
check out: Does the beginning look like Prince of Persia with guns to anyone else?
The CG made this look like a non-interactive video game. I'm serious, the plot mirrored the plots of many video games and there was even a "final boss battle" in the climax. If I want to play video games, I'll play video games. If I want to watch a movie, it had better be a movie. That's why this one scores so badly.

Ghost in the Shell (1995)

An anime directed by Mamoru Oshii.
A cyborg special police officer from section 9 tracks a criminal call the puppet master. A road accident is reported and when the dead woman is brought in, it turns out that she has the puppet master inside her cyborg body.
The audio and video were good.
check out: I like cyborg women who strip to use their super powers.
This was really well done. Those 1990s anime movies will always be the best. The only thing I didn't like was the stale scenario of a futuristic world with a police state society. I did like the small number of characters in this.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Blood: The Last Vampire (2000)

An anime directed by Hiroyuki Kitakubo.
A vampire hunter is sent to a school on a military base to kill vampires that have been located there. The shool's nurse is dragged into the action when she witnesses a transformation.
The audio was a mix of Japanese and English with English subtitles in the Japanese parts. The video was really good.
check out: Why haven't they sued Hollywood for bastardizing their film?
When I watched the live action version of this, I was imagining the same plot in anime form, but that didn't happen. The anime is only 45 minutes versus the almost 2 hours of live action. Imagine what would have happened if American audiences watched a live action version that was true to the anime! The human sidekick in the original was a fat nurse in her 30s and the airplane chase took only a fraction of the time. There was also no bloodbath in the city and no kung fu flashback. I liked this and am giving it a green rating, but what should really happen is that I should go back and demote the live action to yellow for not being anywhere close to what it was remaking. They really should have used a different title!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Secret of Oz (2009)

A documentary by Bill Still.
This film examines the evolution of money systems and how that pertains to the symbolism of The Wizard of Oz.
The audio and video were great. Better than most movies I watch. This is because I could clearly see and hear everything. What an amazing concept!
check out: "you can't pay off your debt with loans, just like you can't drink yourself sober."
The differences between money systems backed by gold, gold and silver, nothing, and debt were explained in detail for the first half. In the second half, the symbolism of The Wizard of Oz was exposed to be an analogy for politics and money systems. I usually like documentaries to be much more shocking than this, so it's one of the better o.k.s because of production value and the truth of the situation.

Appleseed (2004)

A CG anime directed by Shinji Aramaki.
A female warrior is recruited for a mission in Utoipa. Some humans want to destroy the clones that can't reproduce, but others want to keep the clones, let them reproduce, and keep humans from reproducing.
The audio and video were fine.
I like traditional cartoon style anime, so this entirely CG film was not exactly what I expected. There's a decent amount of action involved and a complex plot, so it wasn't a total waste. I'm saying o.k. because it would have been better if it had been regular anime.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)

A live action remake of the 2000 anime. This one was directed by Chris Nahon.
A vampire who is also a vampire hunter accidentally gets a human sidekick on her quest to destroy the oldest and most powerful vampire.
The audio was less than good, but the video was great.
check out: The katana falling from heaven attack.
This was action packed and really cool. There was a lot of kung fu involved, which only made it better. I'm rating it good, but I will soon be watching the anime version and I suspect that it will be even better than this.

Erik the Viking (1989)

A comedy directed Terry Jones.
A viking is awakened to the circular reasoning of his people by a woman who he tries to rape. He then takes some of his friends on a quest to end the age of Ragnarok.
The audio was VERY quiet. The video was o.k.
This movie mocks my Norse heritage. The only part that I found funny was the Aesir gods being children. This is because I think that anyone who would want to spend eternity being an adult has lost their marbles. It's a B movie at best and I hold my blog to high standards, so this gets a bad review.

Battle Angel (1993)

An anime directed by Hiroshi Fukutomi.
A scrap hunter finds a functioning robot in a junk yard and rebuilds her. She then falls in love with the windmill repair man who dabbles in organ theft.
The audio was not so great, but the video was good.
This is a very good, but very short anime. It consists of 2 30 minute episodes, but that makes for 1 hour of really good anime. The fight scenes are the best part as the tiny robo-girl faces off against cyborgs 3-4 times her size. If you like anime, you have to see this.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Predators (2010)

A science fiction directed by Nimrod Antal.
A group of people parachute into a jungle and find that they are on an unknown planet and being hunted by a race of violent aliens.
The audio and video were worse than some old kung fu movies I've seen. It was a terrible copy.
check out: The "dogs" and what was that guy being chased by that we couldn't see clearly?
Hollywood really is the Babylon whore when the director has the same name as a Babylonian god. Despite the new world order (that's so old it should have a different name) and the ungodly lack of quality in this film, I'm about to give it a good review. This is due to a simple combination of good CG, cool aliens and lots of violence. Seriously, what more would you want from a predator movie? I plan to get a better copy when this comes out on dvd. I will not review it at that point because I've already told you it's good.

Absence of Malice (1981)

A mystery directed by Sydney Pollack.
A woman journalist tries to uncover the truth about a murder and the prime suspect.
The audio and video were o.k.
This movie was painfully boring. I took a nap in the middle of it and still had to stop it at least 45 minutes before the end. I would definitely not recommend this to anyone.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Birdy (1984)

A drama directed by Alan Parker.
A man gets back from Vietnam to find his best friend in a mental institution. The friend thinks that he is a bird and the veteran reminds him of their past together to wake him up.
The audio was bad, but the video was good.
I don't really like Nicolas Cage and I was being distracted by more important matters while I tried to watch this. I did notice some in-the-closet homosexuality going on in this. I'm calling it o.k. because I could tell it wasn't bad, but it wasn't awesome either.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986, 1990)

A horror directed by John McNaughton.
A career serial killer lives with a man whose sister moves in with them. He takes the brother as an apprentice murderer and they video tape their kills together.
The audio and video seemed a little 1970s.
check out: "Fuck the bears."
I remember seeing this film at the movie shops a long time ago. I also remember that it had a very strong warning label on it. Needless to say, it's pretty damn good. It almost fits into the category of vigilante killer films because Henry focuses on killing promiscuous women. It has 2 dates because Wikipedia says that it was made in 1986, but released in 1990. If you're reading this blog to find the wild stuff (and I know you are!), then this would be a good one to watch.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Invasion of Astro-Monster (1965)

A science fiction directed by Ishiro Honda.
A space mission to "Planet X" reveals an alien race with advanced technology and a monster problem. When the Earth people agree to help, they are betrayed by the aliens.
The audio was in English and the video was in color.
I used to like this movie when I was very young. I remember sitting through what seemed like hours of boring crap to see the cool monsters fighting. Now, I don't even appreciate the monster fights. The model scenes were easy to identify due to English signs on Japanese buildings and the seams in the monster constructions were coming apart during some of the battles. I hold my blog to some high standards, so I'm not going to just let this slide for sentimental reasons. I know a bad movie when I see it and this was definitely below the o.k. range.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The American Friend (1977)

A mystery directed by Wim Wenders.
A frame shop owner who is terminally ill is persuaded to assassinate 2 men.
The audio was a mix of German and English and subtitles were provided for the German parts. The video was good.
This is one of those films in which all of the characters lie to one another through the whole thing. This makes the plot a little more difficult to follow. I liked the assassination scenes where the target has to be followed or tracked down and an escape has to be made. Overall, it falls exactly in the center of my o.k. range.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Barfly (1987)

A drama directed by Barbet Schroeder.
A drunken writer fights the bartender at his favorite bar, meets a woman and has his story bought by a magazine. He also sleeps with the publisher of the magazine.
The audio and video were o.k.
The plot was good, but the main character got on my nerves. It was the way that he talked that bothered me. Overall, it was decent. I'm glad I watched it, so it's one of the better o.k.s.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Big Night (1996)

A drama directed by Campbell Scott and Stanley Tucci.
2 Italian brothers who run an Italian restaurant prepare for the night when Louis Prima will visit their restaurant.
The audio was very quiet, but the video was good.
check out: The timpano that contains "all the most important things in the world".
This was pretty cool. The characters develop well as the plot thickens and I like the rising action of the meal itself. I watched the meal a total of 3 times, mostly because I like the song. This is the type of film that I am confident in giving a good, solid, green rating. Movies like this one set the standard by which everything else is judged.

Boyz n the Hood (1991)

A drama directed by John Singleton.
A group of stereotypical black people in the ghetto act in a way which leaves no doubts about their ethnicity.
The audio and video were good.
This film reinforces every stereotype about black people that I have ever heard. The only thing missing was the watermelon. You could say that Cuba Gooding Jr. and Ice Cube really show their color. This film was alright.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Being John Malkovich (1999)

A fantasy directed by Spike Jonze.
A puppeteer discovers a magic portal at his new job that leads to the inside of an actor's head. His wife meets his new romantic interest from work and the 2 women fall in love when the wife is inside the actor while he is having sex with the co-worker. The puppeteer then takes up indefinite residence inside the actor as the wife finds a group of people who will soon execute their plan to take up permanent residence inside the head of the actor.
The audio was terrible, but the video was fine.
This is one of those movies that everyone likes, but I'm not impressed. I know I'm supposed to say "Oh, it was so crazy!", but come on! I've seen much stranger things. I'll give it an o.k. just to be nice.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Amelie (2001)

A romantic comedy directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet.
A young woman who works in a cafe in France finds a time capsule in the wall of her bathroom. This sends her on a quest to help the people around her and eventually lure in a romantic partner.
The audio was in French and subtitles had to be hunted down. The video was awesome.
check out: Fucking with the asshole grocer.
I normally don't like romantic comedies, but this one is different. The tasteful use of special effects and strange sense of humor that was written in make it an instant classic. The characters and plot were very good. In fact, the only thing wrong with this film is how much of a pain in the ass it is to find subtitles for.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Baby Doll (1956)

This is an update to the previous post.
I watched the whole movie and found it to be totally worthless.
A young woman is supposed to marry an unsuccessful man on her 20th birthday. She sleeps in a crib in his house and "Aunt Rose" also lives there. At night, the man burns down a competitor's cotton gin. The owner of the burnt gin shows up the next day and spends the day trying to seduce the woman. The unsuccessful man gets home at night and gets angry.
This is a film from the "most controversial films" list and I found it to be extremely tame. It's best to avoid this movie if at all possible.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Baby Doll (1956)

A drama directed by Elia Kazan.
Something happens to someone... I think. Or at least I would hope so.
The audio sounded like it had been put through a distortion pedal and the video was in black and white and full screen.
I watched this for 46 minutes and couldn't hear anything anyone was saying. The audio was that bad. I had a feeling that turning it up was not an option because it would only fuzz out more. I was told that this was a very controversial film, but when the dialogue all sounds like the teacher from Charlie Brown, it's difficult to raise eyebrows. I'll try to watch it tomorrow during the day because I have nothing else to do and can turn it up loud. This one needs to get cranked to hear anything. I'm calling it undecided due to audio issues. I will post a picture and a more definite rating later. When I can hear it.

Friday, July 9, 2010

We Live in Public (2009)

A documentary directed by Ondi Timoner.
The first man to host chat rooms on the internet has various schemes involving himself and the people around him.
The audio and video were good quality.
check out: I would totally live in the free booze free food bunker.
This documentary takes Big Brother in a different direction. The people in it actually WANT to be spied on. I think that the underground community bit was the best because of how much I would have liked to have been a part of it. I really don't think that guns should have been there though, due to the high social tensions of a closed group of people. If you're looking for an interesting movie to discuss, this is the one. I'm rating it good because of controversial subject matter.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Godzilla (1954)

A science fiction directed by Ishiro Honda.
An American journalist goes to Japan where a giant monster is destroying civilization.
The audio was low and the video was in black and white and full screen.
This being the first Godzilla movie, it was a little better than some of the others. For example, you couldn't see as clearly how fake the tiny cities and toy trains were. It was alright, but I like the ones where he faces off against wild monsters from space a little more.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Disciples of the 36th Chamber (1985)

A kung fu directed by Lau Kar-Leung.
A rebellious young man goes to train with San Te at Shaolin temple.
The audio was bad, but the video was good.
check out: Creative fight situations.
In one scene, the main character fights with his hands and feet tied. All of the fight scenes and chamber practice were really cool. That's what counts in a kung fu flick like this. The plot wasn't too bad either. I'm saying good.

King Kong vs. Godzilla (1962)

A comedy directed by Ishiro Honda.
King Kong and Godzilla are manipulated by humans to fight in Japan.
The audio was mostly in japanese with English subtitles, but some parts were in English with Japanese subtitles. The video looked old.
The radio controlled cars and model trains were demolished by these men in costumes! The little rubber treads on the tanks melted under the heat of Godzilla's attacks and those model houses didn't stand a chance. I liked the way they transported King Kong in the end because we all know the Chinese would have needed less wire to make him fly. If you like giant monster movies for humor, this is one worth seeing. It's on the good side of o.k.

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983)

A science fiction directed by Lamont Johnson.
A captain of a space ship responds to a distress call involving 3 earth women who have crashed on a planet and a large reward. Once there, he is befriended by a vagrant girl who joins him on the mission.
The audio was terrible, the video was good.
check out: Molly Ringwald in a very annoying role.
This is pretty standard cheesy sci-fi. The obstacle course toward the end was cool, but otherwise, nothing really stood out. If you like cheesy 80s sci-fi, you'll probably get a kick out of this one. I thought it was o.k.

Flight of Dragons (1982)

An animated fantasy directed by Jules Bass, Arthur Rankin Jr., Fumihiko Takayama and Katsuhisa Yamada.
A modern man is summoned to the past when wizards have a feud that they can not settle for themselves.
The audio and video were great.
Bass/Rankin is my favorite animation team. They are known for masterpieces such as The Hobbit and The Return of the King. Combine this team with a release date of 1982 and you've got a sure winner. I took most of this movie as a chance to appreciate expertly animated dragons, so if that's what you're looking for, you've just found it. The plot was a little lighter than the Tolkien films and all of the characters pronounced eachother's unique names differently. This lead to misinterpretations like people saying bad things about the Japanese metal band Galneryus and one character being referred to as "lo Dajjal" (or the antichrist). I can overlook some imperfections to see the great film that is there. This is awesome.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Starchaser: The Legend of Orin (1985)

An animated fantasy directed by Steven Hahn.
A young slave finds a mythic sword that leads him on a quest to defeat a tyrant and free his people.
The audio and video were fine.
check out: All I could think about was "Heroes of our Time" by Dragonforce "starchaserrrrrr!".
This was pretty cool. It doesn't come anywhere near ranking alongside the greats like Wizards and The Return of the King, but it's still not too shabby. It's sure as hell a lot better than any Hollywood bullshit film from the post-2000s, so it gets rated accordingly.

The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)

A drama directed by Nicolas Roeg, starring David Bowie.
David Bowie is a drunken alien. He's involved in a giant corporation and has a girlfriend. Sometimes he has visions of his home world.
The audio and video were both horrible.
Between glasses of Beefeater gin, a non-linear plot tries to develop and I would imagine that writing, planning and filming this went in the same manner. It would probably be best appreciated in a similar fashion. I'm rating it bad for poor quality and plotlessness.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

A horror directed by Phillip Kaufman.
Strange alien plants grow into pods and make copies of people while they sleep. The original is destroyed during this process. Soon, everyone is a pod and the few remaining humans try to evade their grasp.
The audio was bad and the video was a little too dark in some spots.
check out: Jeff Goldblum of Jurassic Park fame.
Most of this film was just your standard sci-fi horror, but the ending was crazy. I also like the part in the lab where they decide how many stimulant pills to take. Overall, it was nothing special so I'm rating it o.k.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Forbidden Planet (1956)

A science fiction directed by Fred M. Wilcox.
A crew of astronauts lands on a planet which the residents told them not to land on. The scientist who lives there has a beautiful daughter and access to alien technology.
The audio was fine and the video was in color.
check out: The lo-fi special effects (including sound) and the invisible monster.
Cheesy sci-fi sound effects and a scorching hot actress make up the good part of this flick. The plot leaves much to be desired and the robot is a little annoying. I'm saying o.k. because of the balance of good and bad elements. I almost burned my fingers getting a picture of Anne Francis!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Fire in the Sky (1993)

A science fiction directed by Robert Lieberman.
A man is abducted by aliens and his friends are accused of killing him.
The audio and video were good.
check out: The Hong Kong wire action onboard the alien ship.
I've heard that this film is compared to Communion. This is an insult to Fire in the Sky. This is a perfectly good film about alien abduction and it doesn't feature the Walken beast. That's why I'm rating it o.k. And it's one of the good o.k.s.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Dark Star (1974)

A science fiction comedy directed by John Carpenter.
A crew aboard a spaceship on a mission to explode dangerous planets is involved in comical situations leading to their demise.
The audio and video were poor quality and grainy.
I thought this was REALLY funny. From the dated special effects to the diary entries, it made me laugh. I also sympathize with the crew being as bored as they got. If you can see past the production aspects that put a definite date on this, you're in for a good one.

Communion (1989)

A science fiction directed by Phillipe Mora, starring Christopher Walken.
A man is visited by aliens while staying at his cottage with his family. He then tries to find out or remember what happened.
Before I tear into this like a rabid hyena, I must say that I read the book and liked it.
The audio and video were both tainted by Christopher Walken.
check out: It's as bad as Some Kind of Monster and worse than Ben-Hur.
This is "the film that should not be". The Walken creature's acting is at least as bad as that of Arnold Schwarzenegger and the other actors don't do much better. Any normal actor could have pulled this off, but Walken-stein seems like he's having fun being tortured by the aliens. He's dancing away and the scene has a sexual overtone. I can't tell if he's using a fake accent through the whole movie, or if that's something close to his normal voice, but whatever it is, it annoys the piss out of me. Every time that I see his face on the screen it makes me want to give him a good knockout punch. When he speaks, I want to close a workbench vise on his throat. The aliens in this film look faker than the children's Halloween costumes in the beginning. In fact, if I were a frugal film-maker, and saw that the aliens were child size, and had these kids around for the film... Anyway, this is some of the worst shit to ever cross my screen. If you're making a list of the worst films ever, this should be #1 or at least #2.

The Blob (1958)

A horror directed by Irvin Yeaworth.
A globular monster emerges from a meteorite and begins to consume the residents of a small town.
The audio was good and amazingly, the video was in color.
This seems to be the basic structure that all horror-monster movies are built around. The young witnesses are unbelieved by the police until the situation escalates to a certain level and a solution to the problem is found by accident. This early rendition of that plot was pretty clean and I liked the intro theme. Seeing how the year is 2010, though, that plot is so over-done it's not even funny. I'm rating it o.k. for being pretty good, but blending in with the crowd.

Contact (1997)

A science fiction directed by Robert Zemeckis, based on a book by Carl Sagan.
A woman working with SETI receives an alien signal including plans for a machine. The machine is built and she is the one to take the first ride.
The audio and video were good.
I could tell this was Carl's work because of SETI and the radio signal transmitting mathematical information. I'm going to ignore the presence of Christopher Walken because he plays a minor role. I thought the "outer space" portion was the best part and they did a good job with the CG. I'm rating this o.k. because it's a fine film and I've been too generous with the good ratings. This is one of the o.k.s that's on the good side.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Battlefield Earth (2000)

A science fiction directed by Roger Christian.
In a dystopian future, evil aliens use humans as slaves to mine gold. One rebellious human leads his friends to defeat the aliens.
The audio was a little quiet and the video looked cropped or stretched in some way.
John Travolta plays the main alien and a lesser known actor named Barry Pepper plays the hero who looks like he came from a band called Nostradameus. That band would have made a great soundtrack for this movie. This film's critical reception was horrible, but despite this I'm rating it good because I just like it. This may have something to do with the thrash metal inspired hair styles of all the human characters.