Wednesday, March 31, 2010

boondock saints 2: all saints day (2009)

a vigilante film directed by troy duffy
the infamous saints are back. they go to america to exterminate villains there and pick up a mexican assistant on their way. they have a new police specialist that follows their trail and a new, crappier soundtrack. some old characters appear briefly along side a new cast.
I've been using the term whisper-blast pretty frequently, but that's what's going on here. actors are told to speak as quietly as possible and the microphones for their voices are turned down. the only reaction would be to turn up the player volume. wrong. soon gunfire erupts at maximum volume. microphones must have been placed on the guns with levels all the way up. music blares from the speakers at unbelievable volume. is this what they teach at film school?
the beginning was total shite. hollywood and worthless in every way. as the movie progresses, it gets better, but enough to counter balance the initial suck factor? no fucking way! if you thought boondock saints 1 was magical and awesome, you'll hate #2 as much as I do. we're falling back into that 80s trend of sequels sucking total fucking horse cock. don't watch this movie! I watched it to report on the status so you won't have to be subjected to crap like this.

brick (2005)

a mystery directed by rian johnson
ever seen a film noir? imagine that, only modern with high school kids. a girl is murdered, bad drug deals are made, drug dealer is searched out by the "detective". it's a pretty standard plot from the 1920s.
video was excellent, but they overdid the whisper-blast technique. I had to turn up the sound to hear dialogue, only to be blown away by sound effects and music. maybe I should get a compressor for my computer.
I'm giving this a bad review because high school is not the place for a murder-mystery. I don't want to hear modern kids calling the cops "bulls" and use other film noir elements in a 2005 high school setting. unless you're a high school student who likes film noir, DON'T WATCH IT!

ocean's eleven (2001)

a crime movie directed by steven soderbergh
a man gets out of jail and immediately starts planning his next crime. he wants to rob a casino vault and gathers friends to help him. they make extensive plans on how to accomplish this, then go in an do the job.
the audio and video were fine.
it's got big stars and a big budget. it's a regular hollywood flick. why in hell's name would I like it then? beats me, it was good. watch if you get a chance.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

sideways (2004)

a buddies road trip movie directed by alexander payne
2 friends go on a road trip to the california winery area before one of them gets married. they have different plans for activities during this trip. they meet some women and the guy who's getting married gets too involved with one of them. we then watch their misadventures on the drive home.
the audio and video were fine and even though it was in english, the subtitles were on time.
I didn't like it. the main thing that put me off was a scene where the more neurotic buddy was talking to the woman he likes on the porch. he is asked to describe why he likes a certain wine and goes into a description of his emotional frailties. for a movie about wine, there sure wasn't much drunkenness. skip it.

in the company of men (1997)

a romance directed by neil labute
2 men who feel that they have been hurt by women decide to compete for a relationship with a female co-worker. one of them falls in love with her, but she has already decided that the loves the other.
the audio was in that classic whisper-blast style (voices as quiet as possible followed by thunderous music) and the video was good. it was in english and subtitles were not needed.
it wasn't my style, but if you like this sort of thing I imagine it would go over well. I'll say it's ok.

Monday, March 29, 2010

peppermint candy (2000)

a korean drama directed by lee chang-dong
the theory of the day is that people from that part of the world (korea, china, japan, etc) see "western" stuff and say "I can do it better!". this film starts at the end, but it's easier to follow than memento. basically, this guy falls in love with a girl, joins the army, injures his leg in a war, goes home to be a police man, leaves that line of work to own a business and then everything falls apart. it happens in reverse order on the screen though. in the first scene, he invades a party before intentionally getting hit by a train. I know this plot summary is not up to par, but what do you expect when the movie is backwards?
the video was good. full of shocking scenes of human suffering. the audio was in korean, but crying is always done in the same universal language everywhere in the world. it had subtitles that were on time.
I'd say watch it. it's brutal, it's hardcore, it's epic in that tragic type of way.

wings of desire (1987)

a drama directed by wim wenders
this is a movie about 2 angels. they observe various people for a day until 1 of them decides that he wants to be human. the ex-angel then sells his armor and goes to a goth-punk concert.
most of the video was in black and white, but selected parts were in color. the audio was mostly in german with some english sprinkled through. it was also a full-screen presentation.
it was good, but it left me wondering what was going on besides the very superficial plot that I related above. I guess that's what you get when you watch an art film that you know nothing about.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

harsh times (2005)

a crime drama directed by david ayer
some good old boys spread trouble wherever they go. they're supposed to be looking for jobs, but instead they decide to drink beer, smoke pot, and steal drugs and guns. one of them has a fight with his girlfriend and the next day they both get jobs. the army boy gets a job in colombia but doesn't tell anyone that important detail. they decide to celebrate in mexico after they stop at the girlfriend's house to make everything alright. they manage to screw that up and cross the border. in mexico, they visit the other guy's girlfriend and her family and find out that she is pregnant. this is where everything goes wrong and plot spoilers would be told.
the audio and video were both good.
this one was pretty wild! these guys really fuck everything up. definitely worth watching.

house of usher (1960)

an edgar allen poe horror directed by roger corman
the plot is like this: a regular guy arrives at what looks like a haunted house. he demands that the butler let him in against the will of the homeowners. the butler makes him take off his boots and gives him someone else's shoes to wear. he meets with the homeowner (vincent price) who acts weird and is a piss poor lute player. the regular guy wants to take vincent's sister away to live in the real world with him, but vincent says no. the regular guy stays at the house for a while (again against the homeowner's wishes) until the sister faints, is mistaken for dead and gets locked in a coffin. the guy freaks out and all hell breaks loose.
the audio was fine and the video looked like it was copied from the original film with all of the blotches and scrolling grain intact.
it was ok. I like lovecraft more than poe, so I'm a little biased. the outdoor shots of the house and surrounding area were my favorite part.

the cook the thief his wife and her lover (1989)

a drama directed by peter greenaway
this film relates a story of a nasty restaurant owner whose wife, fed up with his arrogance, decides to have an affair with a fellow patron of the restaurant. they do it in the bathroom, the kitchen, the meat locker, etc. as the pompous husband sits in the dining room making an ass of himself. eventually he catches on an the shit hits the fan all the way to the shocking conclusion.
the old whisper and blast technique was used in this one. most of the important dialogue is as quiet as possible, while the horrible husband's shouts shake the firmament. the dishwasher sings 1 beautiful opera number. it's a shame he repeats it a half dozen times throughout the movie. the video was a little dark.
it was a good watch. I never felt the need to turn it off as it kept me interested all the way through. it may be a little long, but it's well worth the time.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

short cuts (1993)

a drama directed by robert altman
the tragic and annoying stories of many people are followed in a disjointed manner. marital infidelity and general arguments take place for 3 hours.
the video looked fine and there was good jazz to be heard in the soundtrack.
I want that 3 hours back. never have I ever seen such a waste of time cross the screen.

Friday, March 26, 2010

badlands (1973)

a crime drama directed by terrence malick
a young man who is said to look like james dean takes a shine to a 15 year old girl. he shoots her father, burns down the house, and they ride off across the country. they settle down in the forest for a while before our james dean look-alike resumes his trail of murder.
it looked good and didn't need subtitles. there was even some good music.
I liked it. it's not the best movie I've ever seen, but it was worth watching. short and sweet, just like my description of it.

pi (1998)

a psychological thriller directed by darren aronofsky
you know how it goes, there's a guy with serious mental problems who's obsessed with numbers. he's got a jewish friend who's looking for a "god number" and another older friend who was obsessed with pi. there are stock market people following him and the people who live in the same building as him think he's weird. his computer has a glitch and spits out a 216 digit number that's supposed to be the answer to everyone's questions and he gets even crazier.
the video is in black and white. the one I watched had italian subtitles. the audio is really annoying. they put in a stupid techno track because it was the late 90s and there's a scene where the phone is ringing for at least 5 minutes straight.
despite the low audio score, I think this is good. the psychological thriller genre isn't my favorite, but this was a good one. go ahead and watch it.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

memento (2000)

a crime mystery film directed by christopher nolan
this is a backwards movie about a man with memory problems. he's trying to get the guy who killed his wife and figure out who's telling him the truth and who's lying to him. the plot was confusing because it goes backwards. the beginning happens at the end and the end happens at the beginning.
the audio and video were both good
there were some funny parts like when a woman talks shit about his wife because he won't remember anything she says, and when the same woman serves him a beer that he just watched 3 people spit in. I'd say it's a pretty good movie. worth watching if you get a chance.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

barton fink (1991)

a hollywood "black comedy" as wikipedia calls it, directed by the coen brothers
it's a story about a writer who is assigned a b wrestling movie, but can't seem to start writing until the shit hits the fan. he has meetings with hollywood big shots and a fellow writer whose secretary writes all the material. another meeting is with his new neighbor, charlie. charlie's character changes mid-picture and this is what inspires our poor writer to actually write.
the audio and video were fine, nothing to complain about, but nothing awesome either.
there were no black people and it wasn't funny, so I guess the term "black comedy" means it makes use of irony and plot twists. nothing great, just average to me.

dreams (1990)

a series of short films by akira kurosawa these shorts try really hard to get into extremes of human emotion and situations. they fall short. there are different situations on each short in different settings with different characters, but it amounts to a good way to waste some time. I won't go into the plots of each section. if you're really interested, go watch it yourself.
the audio was either chinese, japanese, or some other language from that area of the world. the video was absolutely flawless. it was a very pretty waste of time.

as you can tell, I didn't really like this. I didn't think it was horrible, but it lacks a lot of positive qualities. if I were going on just the video, this film would be great. unfortunately for akira, plot and other film elements enter the equation. if you're surfing art films on wikipedia and just HAVE TO watch every movie mentioned, go ahead. otherwise, skip it.

days of heaven (1978)

an early american drama directed by terrence malick this film follows 3 siblings through the landscape of early 1900s america. the youngest sister narrates the story. they start out in chicago where the brother has a job at a factory and the 2 sisters live with him on the street. when the brother loses his job, they hop on top of a train and head for the country. they are picked up by a group heading for farm work. when the farm owner falls in love with the older sister, they end up staying at the farm. it was in english and the audio and video were both good. well, it's an ok film. fans of brad neely's babycakes series should watch this because the younger sister's narrative and voice remind me of babycakes. otherwise, people who like that early 1900s american theme would probably enjoy it.

last tango in paris (1972)

a romance movie directed by bernardo bertolucci
this is a carnal narrative of 2 flings in paris. one between an older man and a younger woman and the other between a director and the subject matter of his film. the woman in the mixed age groups affair is absolutely beautiful, but the rest of the movie is rather dull. there's plenty of nudity and sexual references to go around and almost everyone is borderline psychotic, but it just didn't do it for me.
the audio was in fench with english subtitles that were always on time. the video was just fine.
I would recommend this movie to people who don't like the movies I like. if you don't agree with me on my analysis of films, this movie is made just for you.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

after hours (1985)

after hours is an urban adventure movie directed by martin scorsese.
this is the story of a man who has the worst, but most entertaining night ever. he gets tangled up in crazy situations with strangers and has to postpone everything he does until he gets back in a few minutes because he is still ensnared in the last drama that happened.
audio and video are both good. it came with subtitles, but I did not need them.
this movie is great. it had me talking to the screen and cheering for the main character all the way through. anyone and everyone should enjoy this film.

by the way, this movie blog idea was awesome. I'm having a blast making it. anyone reading: hope you get some enjoyment here too.

aguirre, the wrath of god (1972)

an explorer film.
this spanish looking conquistador sets off through south/central america with his band of cronies. he's got a priest, 2 girls, a black slave and some indigenous guides with him. basically, they become lost and the whole movie is them losing people due to attacks of tribes and disease.
the version that I watched was in german with english subtitles, but the actors' mouths didn't look like they were speaking german. the video quality looked great. I would have thought it was a 1990s video if I didn't see the date. the audio qualm that I had was they had a flute or pipe player with them and he was the least creative musician I have ever heard. he only played 1 tune each of the 3-4 times that he played his pipes. it was the same song each time. they may have only gotten rights to use that 1 piece for the pipe player's music.
this was worth watching. it was tragic, but kind of interesting. you might want to watch this movie if you get a chance.

cheetah on fire

this is a "kung fu" film so bad it's horrible.
I hesitate to call it kung fu due to the number of bullets used in filming it. the little plot there is sucked. it's a cops vs. illegal firearms dealers conflict. the female lead shows the best martial arts moves since the guys just brainlessly bash at eachother.
the video was grainy and high contrast. the subtitles were white, so they got lost unless a character wearing black stood behind them. the audio was low quality, as expected.
this is a crap movie. don't watch it.

legend of liquid sword

kung fu that's so bad it's good.
they used every bit of wire in hong kong to make this flick. never have I seen more flying and "long sleeve" technique. the plot was lost in translation, but humor was not. from a character called "fragrant chu" to the use of "jesus bombs", this film is about as funny as old kung fu gets.
the video was a little dark at times, like any foreign film imported via rmvb file, but it still looks good to me. the audio is a little raspy, but not so much to make it annoying.
this is a great film for kung fu fans, but others will be turned away by it's narrow target audience. it's definitely worth seeing more than once.


this is an awesome film by my favorite animator, ralph bakshi. set in a fantasy world of magic, fairies and, of course, wizards, this movie follows the adventures of a typical D&D questing party on their way to beat the bad guy. what a surprise! along the way, they are waylaid by groups of mythical humanoids. the real deal is that the bad wizard sent out robot assassins to kill off all of the magical people in the world and one of these killers is captured by the good wizard and his buddies. the robot becomes their inept guide when the good wizard decides that his counterpart needs to be slain due to his warmongering.
I wouldn't trade the cartooning for a mile high stack of dragonball z, but there is a style of siluoette animation that is a real eyesore. it looks like film stock from old war movies was imposed on a smoky background in an effort to look psychedelic. it didn't work. the musical score sounds magical, with heart felt melodies for the heroes and upbeat marches, calls to battle and german nationalist music for the armies of evil. the voice casting fits the characters very well.
this is a definite must see, even if you have to pay for it!

a woman under the influence (1974)

this is what's referred to as an arthouse film. they say the more you know about this type of movie, the more you can enjoy it. this house wife apparently goes crazy and gets sent away to a mental home full of drugs and shock treatments. unfortunately, when she's being subjected to something interesting, the viewer is subjected to something mundane. we get to see her husband at work and trying to have fun with their kids. the actress who plays mabel, the insane woman doesn't do a very good job. the best that she can muster is a lack-luster rendition of "swan lake" from atop the couch. the husband really IS crazy though. he's a typical italian working man. every phrase that leaves his mouth comes out like a command. anyone married to him should be suspected of mental problems if they act like they enjoy his tyrannical rule. the grandmother character is acting in stereotype as well. they must have just been casting for italian people.
the audio and video were fine, but the subtitles were off time.
from what wikipedia said about this film, I expected more and was sorely let down. if you've got nothing else to watch and don't pay for it, go ahead and view this. don't expect anything fantastic.

inglourious basterds

the new Quentin Tarantino flick really is as great as it should be. it's about world war 2 and people who want to trap the leading germans in a theater in order to kill them and end the war. many peoplke who don't seem to be related all turn out to be tied up into the climax of the film. it starts off slow, but at the end, you know why you were watching it.
it's a new movie, so the video is awesome and of course there is a vast range of audio volume. many of the characters whisper as softly as they can right before a round of gun-fire erupts with epic symphonic background music. headphones leveled this out very well.
it's a tarantino flick! how can I give it a bad review? I'd pay to see this movie for the first time, good thing I already watched it for free! it's awesome, go watch it.

wu xia qi gong zhu

this is one of those "so bad it's good" kung fu movies. the whole thing is about gender. a group of swordswomen are trying to get the perfect virgin technique and they are accompanied by a classic "crazy old master" character and at least one male martial artist. the plot becomes confusing very quickly, but there is humor that crosses the language barrier.
the quality of the actual film was sub-par. there were 2 sets of audio with different voices happening simultaneously through the whole thing. the video was a little blurry and dark in some spots and in the lighter scenes, the white subtitles disappear.
overall, it's worth watching if you like kung fu. if you liked legend of liquid sword, you will probably like this too.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


I've been reading for a while and thought I might divulge some secrets. I've met some aliens. I won't go into the how or the why, but get straight to these otherworldly beings.

aliens 1 &2:
these were a large and muscular african american male and a petite female of undetermined ethnicity. they were EXTREMELY helpful and guided me through a place that I was new to. they explained how everything worked in that location. the location was kind of like a cosmic train station, but there were no mass arrivals or departures. everyone entered and left alone. they explained to me that everyone was given at least one guide on their first visit. I have never returned to this area regardless of how much I would like to visit again.
alien 3:
this was a xenomorph (for lack of a better term) whose surroundings changed with it. it began as an egg traveling through a tube of green vine-like material. when it emerged (through a wall), it evolved through a set of appearances with unique abilities to interact with it's surroundings. the only form that I remember looked like it was made of lightning bolt insignias and was accompanied by the ability of super speed. it was a predatory being most of the time, almost like a tyrannosaur. this is the closest thing that I could compare to remote viewing, as I was not present with the entity, but viewing it from a short distance. it was like my eyes were there, but the rest of my body was left behind.
alien 4:
encountered at a time within weeks or months of alien 3. this being was protected by a group of elite guards for no reason. it was as deadly as it was beautiful. I made my way down a twisting hall-like structure past numerous 2 dimensional beings and into the chamber that housed this "insect alien queen" as I chose to call her. she had no facial features and her body was smooth, almost metallic. I got the impression that I wasn't supposed to be there, but since I was able to enter the chamber at the end of the hall, I was grudgingly accepted. I don't remember what the guards looked like in their true form, as they chose to represent themselves as the 2 dimensional beings in the hall in order to turn back trespassers. the best I can remember is that they looked much like their leader, but not as majestic in some way.
alien 5:
this was another humanoid or a being that chose to look human. it was not accompanied by otherworldly vistas, but the dull surroundings of my apartment. he was male and dressed as a "wigger" or in urban hip-hop fashion. I never got a good look at his face, but he kept offering me hits from a very large glass bong. I resisted and don't remember whether or not I ended up smoking from the "ghost bong"
alien 6:
encountered on the same night as alien 5. this was a small and demure female entity who didn't do much. she looked vaguely rodent-like, but at the same time, a lot like the queen that I had encountered years before. she sat in one of the chairs in my living room and when she wasn't making it seem like we were in an attic with wooden stairs leading down or a castle like cathedral setting, she just sat there and I could tell that she knew what was going on in my head.

I won't say that this is a full list with whole descriptions of extra-terrestrials that I have met. I may have forgotten some over time, or not known that they were aliens when I encountered them. I'm pretty sure that none of them touched me in any way, but what I am sure of is the fact that they ALL had/have telepathic powers that us earthlings don't have easy access to. ALL of them examined my brain, my mind, my soul, etc... and they didn't care that I knew they were doing it. they wanted me to know that they could read me like a book and if we use that analogy further, they were all speed readers. I have no way of knowing if they changed anything in or about me. the only comparison that I can give is that I am more withdrawn and less talkative after having mental contact with these beings. I feel like I can get a better and more accurate impression of my fellow humans without lots of mouth flapping. this change may have occurred for other various reasons.
for those who KNOW why and how I met the aliens, here's a link on the subject:
for those who don't know, ignorance is bliss.