Saturday, July 30, 2016

Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)

An American science fiction comedy directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, starring Warwick Davis.
The leprechaun successfully courts an alien princess because she is a gold digger. Unfortunately for them, space military show up and blast the leprechaun to bits. When one of the mercenaries pees on the corpse, leprechaun magic goes up his dick. He later has an erection and the leprechaun springs out of it. The military boss is a cyborg and wants the blood of the princess to make a new body for himself, but everything turns to chaos when the leprechaun is loose on their ship.
Cheesy. The bad acting is the first thing that comes to mind, followed by the overly convoluted plot. The camera-work was actually quite good. The special effects were unconvincing and prolific. We did have some Female Anatomy Points from the princess though (picture). Did I mention how much I hate constant underexposure? Anything with "in space" in the title is bound to be a craphole flick. Overall, it is best to watch the first three Leprechaun films and leave the rest alone. I rate this poor.

Godzilla vs. Hedorah A.K.A. Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster, Gojira tai Hedora (1971)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction written directed and produced by Yoshimitsu Banno.
A mutant tadpole creature from outer space feeds on Earth's pollution to become a giant monster. Godzilla cooperates with the humans to destroy it.
This was a unique Godzilla film that broke out of the same old formula. The directing was better to start with. Good camera-work and scene staging helped immensely. Some people hate the '60s psychedelic soundtrack, but I liked it. The band features a guitarist with an awesome Teisco guitar (picture). It has side-rectangle fret markers and rocker switches: a real gem. I also liked the decor of the night club with a liquid light show and animated skeletons. The little boy was almost as annoying as the "Grandma!" kid in The Witches (1990). Overall, something different to break the monotony of my Godzilla marathon. I rate it good.

Demonic Toys (1992)

An American horror directed by Peter Manoogian, starring Tracy Scoggins.
After a police shootout with illegal firearms dealers, people become trapped in a warehouse full of animated toys. The security guard and chicken delivery guy are there, as well as a hobo girl, the criminal and female police officer. They try to make their way out, but the force that animates the toys has it's eye set on the female police officer.
STUPID. This is Full Moon at it's worst. The baby doll's cussing is was stood out the most to me. I could go on and on about how cheesy this is and how badly made and poorly acted, but you've already read that. The thing that I like is the speed metal band, Joker playing on the chicken delivery car radio. Talk about shred! I also liked the girls on tricycles with gas masks. That is what the picture is, but underexposure was part of this film all the way through. Everything was so dark that only highlights stood out in their high contrast editing. Overall, a piss-poor Full Moon flick. They can and do make better than this. I rate it bad. DO NOT WATCH!

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Ebirah, Horror of the Deep A.K.A. Godzilla, Ebirah, Mothra: Big Duel in the South Seas, Godzilla versus The Sea Monster, Gojira, Ebira, Mosura Nankai no Daikettō (1966)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Jun Fukuda, starring Hideyo Amamoto.
A young man's brother is lost at sea from a shipwreck. He steals a boat that a bank robber has already stolen to look for his brother. They are attacked by a giant lobster and was up on an island where an illegal nuclear weapons factory is using slave labor. There, they awaken Godzilla while the slave labor send for Mothra to save them.
This was cheesy. I thought the surf soundtrack fit well with the marine monster and Godzilla's dance scene with the jets was hilarious. There was a scene during the monster fight where Godzilla lifts his head out of the water and Ebirah smacks him with a claw. I thought that was well-edited and the foley was funny. The monsters' acting was good, even if the human acting was sub-par. Overall, a regular Godzilla flick with some unintentional humor. I rate it adequate.

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus A.K.A. Gojira tai Megagirasu: Jī Shōmetsu Sakusen (2000)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Masaaki Tezuka.
As Japanese scientists are working on a way to rid the world of Godzilla, giant dragonflies come out of a wormhole created by their latest experiment. These turn into an even bigger dragonfly that fights Godzilla.
This was very much like the other Masaaki Tezuka Godzilla films. It featured an anti-Godzilla military team and a child who plays a small role in the plot. They tried using an unsuccessful romantic interest, but it seemed inconclusive to me. This may be the only film of the franchise where they actually get rid of Godzilla. It beats me why they would want to, after he saves the Earth from so many other monsters. Personally, I would try to train him not to wreck cities. The monster was pretty cool because it changed and the final form was artfully crafted. Overall, another Godzilla movie. Only 9 left! I rate it o.k.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Les Maîtres du temps A.K.A. Time Masters (1982)

A French animated science fiction directed by Rene Laloux.
A young boy is stranded on a foreign planet. His father's dying act is to give him a communication device and tell him to hide in a nearby forest, just before their transportation explodes. The communication device is linked to a spaceship whose pilot has taken a prince and princess on-board with stolen riches. Before rescuing the boy, they stop to pick up a friend who used to live on the planet where the boy is. There, they also gather a pair of small creatures that came out of a flower.
I learned NONE of this plot from dialogue. I may as well have been watching it in French for all that I could hear. The story is actually good, but extremely complex with many characters. The animation style was unique. As Rene Laloux is known for, it's close to a traditional cartoon, but so far away. Some of the scenes lacked interest and the "camera" held a still for far too long. The variety of alien life and locations made up for this. The planet where the little boy is trapped became my favorite and him, my favorite character. He tries to survive as a helpless child in a totally alien world based solely upon the contradictory advice that comes when he has conversations with a machine he doesn't understand the purpose of. Overall, good uniqueness and bad production. I rate it awesome because I'll take unique over anything else.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)

An American war comedy directed by Barry Levinson, starring Robin Williams and Forest Whitaker.
A new disc jockey works at an American radio station in Vietnam during the war. He is involved in drama with his bosses and the local people.
This was boring and uninteresting. I had to do 3 tries to watch it all the way through. Even Mike Leigh's British slice of life nihilism went down in 2. The plot was obscured by the shitty acting and camera-work. I didn't believe for a single solitary second that any of this was actually happening. So cliche! So cheesy! Robin Williams was in the correct role and tried his best to pull through, but that is the only positive comment I can make on this. Not everything made in 1987 has the omnipotent magic that can be instilled by that production year. Overall, not worth watching. I rate this bad.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Diner (1982)

An American drama directed by Barry Levinson, starring Steve Guttenberg, Mickey Rourke, Kevin Bacon and Ellen Barkin.
The plot centers around a group of young men who gather at a local diner to drink coffee and eat. One or more of them are considering marriage and one of them drinks too much.
This was like American Mike Leigh. Nothing happened! People talk about day to day life, one guy is poor and bums food and rides, etc... If you ask me, there's nothing here to review. I'm giving it a weird pink rating because it wasn't unpleasant and was made quite well, but lacked substance.

Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S. A.K.A. Gojira Mosura Mekagojira Tōkyō Esu Ō Esu (2003)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Masaaki Tezuka.
This is a sequel to Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla from the previous year. It continues the adventures of Godzilla, his mechanized skeleton and adds Mothra, bringing this specific plot to a conclusion.
It's good to see a sequel Godzilla movie AFTER the first one. It happened totally by chance. It's also cool that they even made a continuation, as most of these films are stand-alone entries with occasional references to previous episodes. This was very similar to Against Mecha, but I thought the camera-work and scene staging was a little less impressive. It lacked the "OH WOW!" shots like Mecha's head crashing through an office. This picture doesn't look like a screen-shot and I'll probably get in trouble for it. If it's yours', let me know and I will change it. Overall, a decent entry on the list. I rate it adequate.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Repossessed (1990)

An American comedy directed by Bob Logan, starring Linda Blair, Ned Beatty and Leslie Nielsen.
The girl from The Exorcist has grown up and has a family. Satan's spirit comes out of the TV and she is "repossessed". A parody of the duo of priests who exorcised her the first time is called in for a rematch.
This is one of the films that I grew up watching with my sister. The jokes are dated, but funny. I think that it typifies early '90s comedy. I liked the doctor getting actual cases, like boxes, of the flu at the hospital. There were so many jokes at the gym that I can't list them all. As with most American comedies, this features prolific use of sex jokes. It's really cool that they got the actress who played Regan MacNeil from the original Exorcist film to play the female lead. Leslie Nielsen is one of my favorite comic actors from this time period. Overall, dated, but high quality. I rate this awesome, mostly for sentimental value.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Godzilla vs. Biollante A.K.A. Gojira tai Biorante (1989)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Kazuki Omori.
Scientists use Godzilla cells when genetically engineering a plant. A monster results that fights Godzilla.
Those darn scientists just can't keep their filthy digits off of Godzilla's cells and genetic material. They have known since the 1970s that it doesn't turn out well, but keep doing it anyway. The unique monster for this film was alright. It's final form was only shown for a few minutes of battle time and most of the film was taken up by talking scenes about genetic engineering and G cells. Godzilla's acting was moderately expressive and his costume was one of the better ones. It even had eye articulation. I'm really becoming familiar with the Godzilla series by watching so many in a row. I would not recommend this activity because of redundancy and repetition. Overall, this is not one of the better Godzilla films. It's not so bad that you would be better off just viewing a picture of the unique monster, but it's not really worth watching either. I rate it tolerable.

Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla A.K.A. Gojira tai Mekagojira (2002)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Masaaki Tezuka.
After an accident involving tanks and cars during a Godzilla attack, a female driver is demoted to librarian. Because of her mistake, a pilot's brother was killed. When a biomechanical robot is made based on the first Godzilla's skeleton (picture), she is chosen as a pilot. The semi-robotic Godzilla initially malfunctions because of Godzilla's DNA being used in the computer. It is repaired and returns to fight real Godzilla a second time.
This was actually not bad. The plot was presented clearly and the characters were acted well. The soundtrack was effective too. I think the special effects were done relatively tastefully. My favorites were Kiryu (mecha) going through a building and later slamming into real Godzilla while glowing. In the building demolition scene, there is an interior shot of the head going through an office and then an exterior of the whole robot emerging out of the other side. The drawback here is that there were no new monsters. Overall, pretty decent. I rate it adequate.

Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster A.K.A. San Daikaijū: Chikyū Saidai no Kessen (1964)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Ishiro Honda.
A princess is the target of an assassin and claims to be a Martian, capable of telling the future. Ghidorah arrives and begins to destroy Japan. The fairies from Mothra's island call him to unite with Godzilla and Rodan to defeat Ghidorah.
This was pretty standard for Godzilla flicks. It differentiated from others by the presence of Ghidorah, one of the cooler kaiju monsters. The monster costumes/puppets were of noticeably poor quality and their acting lacked expression. The audio was very treble-biased and the soundtrack was repetitive. Overall, a regular Godzilla movie. I rate it o.k.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Godzilla 2000: Millennium A.K.A. Gojira Nisen: Mireniamu (1999)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Takao Okawara.
A giant rock comes out of the ocean. It turns out to be an alien spacecraft that transforms into a monster and fights Godzilla.
This had the simplest plot of an Godzilla film I've seen so far. The monster was pretty cool because it kept changing. They could not help but to present this clearly and there were a small number of characters. Overall, a regular Godzilla flick with some good attributes. I rate it adequate. This was very easy to review.

All Monsters Attack A.K.A. Godzilla's Revenge, Gojira-Minira-Gabara: Ōru Kaijū Daishingeki (1969)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Ishiro Honda, starring Kenji Sahara and Hideyo Amamoto.
A boy whose parents are always at work is cared for by a neighbor. The boy dreams of Godzilla and company when he sleeps. A pair of bank robbers are hiding out in a nearby abandoned factory and they kidnap the boy.
I had a VHS of this when I was younger and believe I may have worn it out from repeated viewing. It features a wide variety of monsters, but this also means a wide range of quality. Lots of the daikaiju fights are stock footage from previous films. I get the feeling that the little boy is supposed to be the child who befriends Gamera, but could find no concrete proof of this. Overall, a decent entry in the Godzilla catalog. I rate it best for sentimental reasons.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Godzilla: Final Wars A.K.A. Gojira: Fainaru Wōzu (2004)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Ryuhei Kitamura.
Aliens come to Earth. They trigger and stop attacks by all of the giant monsters. Wanting to use humans as a food source, they struggle against an elite Earth military group who call Godzilla. An old man and his grandson find baby Godzilla, but that doesn't matter at all.
This was over the top and out of the park. The Japanese film team handled special effects like a child who has found his father's gun. There was a composited fight on motorcycles and more Hong Kong wire than anyone knows what to do with. Fast editing cuts and beam weapons abounded. True to the spirit of daikaiju films, they pulled out all the stops and released all the monsters except Destoroyah and MechaGodzilla. A movie so bad that it's good, this makes reparations for those crappy '90s Godzilla flicks that I've been talking trash about recently. Overall, (and sticking with the baseball analogy) they hit a home run. I rate this awesome.

Godzilla vs. Destoroyah A.K.A. Gojira tai Desutoroia (1995)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Takao Okawara.
Use of nuclear technology has awakened prehistoric monsters that mutate. Godzilla is going through a nuclear meltdown as he fights the largest of these monsters.
This was not so hot. The monsters were really cool, but the film was so poorly made that it's almost not worth watching. The horrible plot was made worse by terrible acting. Seriously, you would be better off just looking at a picture of Destoroyah. Overall, no good. I rate this poor.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla A.K.A. Gojira tai SupēsuGojira (1994)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Kensho Yamashita, starring Akira Emoto.
SpaceGodzilla comes from outer space as Earthlings are testing methods to control Godzilla. They use Mogera, a Mechagodzilla-type robot to help in the fight.
This is the absolute worst Godzilla movie. The crappy acting is something that I'm used to, but the sparse soundtrack was what really screwed the pooch on this one. SpaceGodzilla looks really cool, but there's no music! The fight scenes were bad too. I didn't actually see any giant monster combat. Poorly made and uninteresting, this really sucks a big, floppy donkey dick. I rate this bad. NEVER EVER WATCH!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Leprechaun 3 (1995)

An American horror comedy directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, starring Warwick Davis and Caroline Williams.
The leprechaun is sold to a pawn shop in Las Vegas. A wayward teen who is in love with a magician's assistant accidentally finds one of his gold shillings that gets passed around frequently among people at the casino where she works.
This is my favorite Leprechaun movie! This one features the most limericks and best special effects. My favorite limerick is "Ahhh... lovely golden palaces completely full of riches. I'll rip 'em off and rob 'em blind, those dirty sons of bitches". My favorite special effect is the aging woman who has wished herself beautiful being perverted by the leprechaun. This is one of those films that I watched as a kid and has sentimental value. I rate it awesome. Watch it!

Terror of Mechagodzilla A.K.A. Mekagojira no Gyakushū (1975)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Ishiro Honda.
A sequel to Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974), the aliens still want to bring destruction with their robot and they enlist the aid of Earthlings when they find out about a marine daikaiju called Titanosaurus. Mechagodzilla and Titanosaurus are being controlled to fight Godzilla.
This is cited by Wikipedia as "the least successful of the entire Godzilla franchise", but I kind of liked it. The opening narration was very clear and accompanied by clips from previous films. There was another section later in the film where someone is wondering if Titanosaurus will become "one of the killers" in which previous clips were used to a positive effect as well. The plot was presented a little more clearly than in many other Godzilla films and Godzilla's acting was more expressive too. An interesting side note, I misheard one of the interpol agents introduce himself as "Murakushi, The Meat-pole" to the daughter of a scientist. Overall, it figures that I would like the "least successful" film of the franchise. I will even go as far as to rate it good.

Leprechaun 2 A.K.A. One Wedding and Lots of Funerals (1994)

An American comedy horror directed by Rodman Flender, starring Warwick Davis.
The leprechaun has chosen a descendant of his original chosen bride to wed. Her boyfriend and his drunken boss try to defeat the leprechaun and save the girlfriend.
This was alright. I watched all of these when I was younger with my sister. The leprechaun's humor is always good, like Freddy's in Freddy's Dead (1991). The special effects were actually decent. It was mostly creative editing, but used in a very appropriate way. The drinking game was my favorite part. The drunken boss orders what the bartender gives him when he is too drunk: soda and water, while the leprechaun is drinking whiskey. To tell you the truth, I watched this because I'm looking for the one with the casino setting. Overall, a decent comedy horror that goes well with the rest of the set. I rate this good.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla A.K.A. Gojira Tai Mekagojira (1974)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Jun Fukuda.
A false Godzilla flies out of Mount Fuji and begins to attack Japan. Anguirus tries unsuccessfully to stop it, but calls real Godzilla before returning underground. A pair of Japanese traditionalists are aided by a journalist and a pair of archaeologists to summon King Caesar/Shisa to help Godzilla battle the false metal replica of himself.
I seriously thought they were saying "King Seesaw", but he turned out to be a pretty cool monster. The metal pipe that the archaeologist made was cool too. The enemies gaining gorilla masks in death was another interesting point. That's about it. I rate this o.k.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah A.K.A. Gojira tai Kingu Gidora (1991)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Kazuki Omori, starring Akiji Kobayashi and Yoshio Tsuchiya.
Time travelers from the future eliminate Godzilla and replace him with King Ghidorah to destroy Japan. People of the present resurrect Godzilla to save Japan from this monster to protect their future.
Holy convoluted plot, Batman! I liked the multiple times element, but it could have been presented more clearly. Ghidorah is one of my favorite Godzilla franchise monsters. A dragon with three heads and wings will capture the fancy of any boy. Godzilla seemed inexpressive in this installment. The acting lacked the flair of vs. Megalon. I also found it somewhat difficult to keep track of the characters. Overall, not my favorite Godzilla flick, but with one of the best monsters. I rate it o.k.

Leprechaun: Origins (2014)

An American horror directed by Zach Lipovsky, starring Brendan Fletcher.
A group of teenagers visit a small town in Ireland. They are tricked by a man in a pub to stay at his house with the promise of seeing ancient landmarks the next day. A monster attacks during the night.
I really should have read the Wikipedia page before watching this because it has NOTHING to do with the Leprechaun film series. It was terrible! The plot, characters and video style fit into the "new American horror" mold. The monster was a guy in a Lord of the Rings orc mask and camera blur was the most frequently viewed element. Need I say more? I rate this bad. DO NOT WATCH!!!

Godzilla vs. Megalon A.K.A. Gojira tai Megaro (1973)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Jun Fukuda.
Nuclear testing angers an underground civilization, who release a giant beetle monster. A single father, his son and gay partner have constructed a robot. The underground people abduct the son and hot-wire the robot. Eventually, the robot, homosexuals and boy all get free and send the robot to retrieve Godzilla as the underground people are calling in another monster from outer space.
I will try not to state the obvious in my future Godzilla film reviews. The plots suck, the characters are worse and the special effects are hokey. I watch them because I like to see the daikaiju monsters and because I fondly remember watching them in my childhood. This goes for all Godzilla films, unless noted otherwise.
I had trouble understanding what the characters were calling the robot. "Dag Jagula? Jag Jagua" It was Jet Jaguar. I found it odd that such an openly homosexual couple would be pictured in 1973 raising a child, but whatever. The amount of costumes, explosives and miniature models required for these films amazes me. This one had a budget of $760,000. Most of that probably exploded during filming or got crushed by something. Hence, why they like to bring back the monster costumes repeatedly. Godzilla was acted very well in this. Although devoid of dialogue, he conveyed personality and some limited range of emotion. Overall, I think this is one of the better ones. I rate it adequate.

Monday, July 11, 2016

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II A.K.A. Gojira tai Mekagojira (1993)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Takao Okawara.
A baby Godzilla is born in a laboratory from an egg found by scientists. Godzilla and Rodan try to retrieve the egg, but are opposed by scientists who have created a robot to fight Godzilla.
Pretty lame, as expected. The special effects were actually not that bad, but the stereotypical plot made me want to shout at the screen as characters repeatedly made poor decisions. For example, here comes Godzilla because the baby is calling it: let's hide the baby! Stupid. The monsters were what made this worth watching. To quote Wakka from FFX, "Some things little boys never grow out of". Overall, pretty dismal and abyssmal with alright monsters. I rate this tolerable.

The Last Days of Pompeii A.K.A. Gli ultimi giorni di Pompei (1959)

An Italian Spanish German action film directed by Sergio Leone, starring Steve Reeves and Fernando Rey.
A thief helps the military to expose a violent gang who pose as Christians.
This was not so great.The convoluted plot was made even more complicated by having too many characters that were difficult to differentiate. The bright, colorful visual style was good and I could hear all of the dialogue. The soundtrack was appropriate. Overall, I was just not interested and it did not hold my attention. I rate it poor because Sergio Leone is capable of much better.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Trading Places (1983)

An American comedy directed by John Landis, starring Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche.
The two owners of a stock trading company set up a scam to have one of their employees reduced to a hobo and have a hobo put in his place. They bet a dollar on it, but the misplaced hobo and stock trader find out and have to set up another scam on the company owners.
This wasn't all that great. Most of the humor just was not funny. I thought that they over-expanded the plot from too simple a premise and the characters lacked depth and were not developed in any way. The pacing was my main issue. It seemed to take almost forever for anything to happen. Technical aspects of audio and video were fine, but I think it was just badly written. Overall, a well made, but mediocre film. I rate it poor because I won't tolerate mediocrity here.

Friday, July 8, 2016

The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)

An American comedy directed by John Landis, starring Donald Sutherland.
Various comedy skits are shown as if one were watching television and everything went bonkers.
This was funny. It is so rare that I see a comedy and get the humor. Although most of the material is dated and would seem absurd to today's audiences, I remember growing up when this was not a "vintage" film. The movie theater that only charges one dollar for popcorn is a stand-out moment of being dated. Isn't that shit like $15 these days? Anyway, I liked the joke commercials, news broadcasts and movie trailers. There was even a poster for Schlock at the theater. My favorite part was "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble"(picture) Female Anatomy Points! This is a film to not think about or analyze. Just watch and maybe laugh. I rate it adequate.

TerrorVision (1986)

An American science fiction horror comedy directed by Ted Nicolaou, starring Mary Woronov, Chad Allen and Jon Gries.
An alien monster enters a family's home through their satellite television. It eats people.
This was so wonderfully lo-fi and cheesy. It was made by Empire International Pictures, Charles Band's movie company before Full Moon. The minimalist plot and stereotypical characters that were badly acted actually worked in favor of this film. The casting was done wonderfully. My favorite characters were the metalhead boyfriend of the daughter and Medusa from the horror TV show. The special effects were hokey, but they did a really good job on slime and gore. Overall, so bad it's good. I rate this awesome.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

The Valley of Gwangi (1969)

An American western fantasy directed by Jim O'Connolly, starring Richard Carlson and Laurence Naismith with special effects by Ray Harryhausen.
A rodeo performer woman has found a prehistoric miniature horse that interests local cowboys and an archaeologist. Together with the help of a Mexican boy, they seek out the valley where the horse came from. There they find dinosaurs and bring back a tyrannosaurus rex. When they try to display him, disaster strikes.
This was hokey. When I found it, I was like "cowboys and dinosaurs? YES!", but it didn't meet my high expectations. The special effects were not up to par with Harryhausen's standards. When the T-rex slides down the hill, he is all stiff like they just slid the model down a model hill. The fire at the end was super-bogus too. It was very clear that the dinosaur, fire and cathedral were all separate shots. The plot spent too much time on cowboy/cowgirl drama and not enough time in the prehistoric valley. Also, who the fuck ever heard of gypsies in the old west? I liked seeing the stop motion dinosaurs, but everything else was crappy. I rate this tolerable.

The Stupids (1996)

A British Canadian American comedy directed by John Landis, starring Tom Arnold, Jessica Lundy and Christopher Lee.
A family of stupid people get involved in a real military and government conspiracy by believing in a false one. They save the world from arms dealers instead of a man named Sender who steals mail and garbage.
This was stupid. It was supposed to be. I think that John Landis was the correct director for this. His comedic works are generally reviewed positively. The casting was correct and I liked the bright visual style to mimic the children's books. This is not a film to analyze or think about, just watch it and be glad you're not watching Some Kind of Monster or Blues Brothers 2000. I rate it o.k. because it's a mediocre comedy. Nothing more, nothing less.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

The Man Who Could Work Miracles (1936)

A British comedy fantasy directed by Lothar Mendes.
Celestial sky-god type beings meet overlooking Earth. One of them wants to give all the Earthlings infinite power, but the others persuade him to start with just one. This one man gains the power to make miracles happen. He asks his friends and co-workers about it and demonstrates what he can do for each of them. Unsatisfied with their answers, he moves on to the next and the next for advice until he tires of other people telling him what to do.
Amazing! This was like a very long Twilight Zone episode. They used primitive compositing techniques on the video which amount to what the average teen can do with after effects now. There was more planning, setup, staging and creative editing involved than actual video manipulation. The question that this film brings up is "what would you do with this power?". It also states that the answer is a difficult one. What would make the world truly good? I might be tempted to go warping around, killing all the reptilians, Illuminati, politicians and bankers. I might then let the world fall into chaos and anarchy. With all of the real evil gone, us humans might find a better way of life. Maybe folks like strife, war, hatred and sorrow. My parents do. Then someones every here and there would start rebuilding the old system. All that work for nothing. The answer to the world's problems is not easy to find. This film made me think about those ideas. For that, I rate it best. A best rating comes from technical proficiency, good plot and characters or making me think. That's what this did.

That Hamilton Woman A.K.A. Lady Hamilton, The Enchantress (1941)

An American drama directed and produced by Alexander Korda, starring Laurence Olivier.
A young gold-digger woman marries an older man for his money, but falls in love with a navy admiral.
Absolutely antiquated. I'm watching Korda films because they did some good work in the fantasy adventure genre, but not everything they made is as wonderful as Junglebook Sabu and The Thief of Baghdad. This is a prime example of that fact. I was working on swapping parts on my guitar for most of the duration because it did not hold my attention in the least. Everything was shot wonderfully, another Korda fact. This time consistent through all of their movies. Overall, dull. I rate this poor.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Summer of Sam (1999)

An American drama directed and produced by Spike Lee, starring John Leguizamo, Adrien Brody and Anthony LaPaglia.
During the summer that the "son of Sam" killer was at large in New York City, a fictional drama plays out between friends and family members of Italian mob drug dealers.
This really needed a different name. It was NOT about the murderer. It was about a punk rock male stripper and his mobster friend who cheats on his wife. I don't see how they couldn't have gotten along better. They both have secrets. The video style was very Spike Lee. We had the gliding/floating character, close-ups, fast edits and even a camera spin. The audio was terrible. The dynamic range of the characters' voices included inaudible whispers and loud shouting. I had been thinking recently "what if Spike Lee did a film with an all-white cast?" and then here it is. I thought the casting was really bad though. Adrien Brody as a punk rocker? That would be like Samuel L. Jackson as a kindergarten teacher. Overall, not really what I like and it had some technical issues. I rate this poor.

Monday, July 4, 2016

Spies Like Us (1985)

An American war comedy directed by John Landis, starring Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd and Bruce Davison.
An inept duo of government agents are caught cheating on a test. Because of the need for a decoy mission, they are promoted and sent to the border of Russia. There they meet the real mission people and generally get into trouble.
This was a classic "buddies" style movie. Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase made a very well balanced comedy team of straight man and funny guy. The humor was mostly situational, with some slapstick thrown in for good measure. The "cheating on the test" scene was hilarious. The copy that I saw was a panned and scanned full screen, but it's not like this is an art film. Overall, I thought it was funny. I rate it adequate.

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977)

A British fantasy adventure directed by Sam Wanamaker, starring Jane Seymour with special effects by Ray Harryhausen.
A prince who is designated to be the next caliph is turned into a baboon by his step-mother. Sinbad and his crew go on an adventure to find a wise man and restore the prince.
This was decent. The plot was long. There were a few main characters and an army of extras. The video was as expected. What impresses me is how the human actors interact with the stop motion miniatures on screen. The audio was alright. I could hear all of the dialogue and the music was similar to the other Sinbad films I've seen. Overall, not bad. I rate this adequate. I am very tired of writing movie reviews.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

She's Gotta Have It (1986)

An American romance written, directed and produced by Spike Lee.
A slut has three boyfriends.
Not cool. There was barely any plot and the characters were annoying and shallow. The video style was decent, but not as good as Spike's later works. It was mostly in black and white, with a few color scenes thrown in, seemingly at random. The audio was good quality. I could hear all of the dialogue and liked the jazz soundtrack. Overall, it's just not my thing. I rate this poor.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Sense and Sensibility (1995)

An American drama directed by Ang Lee, starring Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman, Kate Winslet and Hugh Grant.
A rich man dies, leaving everything to his son. The son does not spread the wealth among his sisters. One of his nieces falls in love with a man. But seriously, nothing happens.
BORING! The plot was nearly non-existent and there were so many characters that it was impossible to keep track of them. The video looked good, but the actors all whispered their lines. Except the country couple. They were boisterous, rowdy and jubilant. I liked them. That was the only thing that I liked about this massive mountain of crap. If nothing is going to happen, at least have it directed by Mike Leigh and starring Timothy Spall! I can dig their "slice of life" style of nihilism, but Ang Lee directed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, for fuck's sake! Overall, entirely disappointing. I rate this shit because I turned it off at 1:33/2:16

Friday, July 1, 2016

Sanders of the River (1935)

A British drama directed by Zoltan Korda and Produced by Alexander Korda.
A British military/government leader rules wisely over the tribes of Africa. When he is replaced, conflict occurs, but he returns. The main African chief says that he has learned much from this man.
Not so great. The plot was almost interesting, but the characters were severely lacking in depth. The video was decent at best. There were some compositing scenes and I don't know how they did that in 1935. The audio sucked donkey nards. The dialogue was really quiet and the soundtrack was not to my liking. More on that in a sec. The believability was absolutely zero. AS IF the African war song was in a Jew Hollywood style and ALL the Africans AND ANIMALS could understand Morse code? Oh my fucking god! It "buggers belief" to quote David Icke. On the plus side, Female Anatomy Points for this African dancer (picture). Overall, a piece of crap. Only watch this to mock it. I rate it bad.

Sahara (1943)

An American war film directed by Zoltan Korda, starring Humphrey Bogart, Bruce Bennett, Lloyd Bridges and J. Carrol Naish.
An American tank team are in the Sahara desert during WWII. They pick up other survivors lost in the sands and make their way to a fort. The Nazis find them at the fort and there is a conflict.
This was not bad. The plot almost held my attention and they tried their best to differentiate the characters. Most of them had some back-story or developed in some way. The video style was relatively clear, but black and white. I could see what was going on and didn't find any bad editing. The audio was mid-high range biased. A little honky and a little over-trebled. Overall, not bad. I rate it tolerable.