Lekce Faust (1994)

A Czech, French, British, German, American fantasy directed by Jan Švankmajer
A man receives a map from men passing them out on a street corner. He follows it and becomes an actor in the role of Faust at a theater production. As the story progresses, stop motion fantasy elements are added and he turns into a marionette, but goes back to being an actor between scenes, while still in a deal with the devil.
Jan Švankmajer also made Alice (1988) and Little Otik (2000). This belongs in the same category as those: weird and wonderful. I liked Little Otik the most, but this was pretty cool too. The stop motion all looked good and there were some great scenes. The heads rolling through areas looked good and the small marionettes in the signature scene were great. My favorite was when the jester was trying to catch a bird. He repeatedly summoned and banished a devil with some humor involved. The audio was in Czech, but the version I watched had on time English subtitles. I rate this good just for being so strange. You should probably watch it.
Sorry, no image. Blogger is broken again.

About a Boy (2002)

A British French German American romantic comedy directed by Chris and Paul Weitz, starring Hugh Grant, Toni Collette and Rachel Weisz.
An independently wealthy man decides that single mothers are good to date and gets himself in trouble by lying about having a son. Through a friend of a friend, he meets the 12 year old son of a suicidal single mother and they become friends.
I think I like Chris Weitz as a director. I recently watched A Better Life (2011) and saw the similarities between these 2 films. His films don't jump out and grab the viewer like those of Alejandro Jodorowsky or Quentin Tarantino, but these realistic dramas about families are made well and hold my attention. They seem to have a tendency to get a little sappy at the end, but I can see past a little maple syrup when the rest is this good. Something about this one that I really liked was the heavy double narration. The man and the boy both had voice-overs spaced through the duration. I'm rating this good. If you like this or A Better Life, you should watch the other and possibly other films by Chris Weitz.

8mm (1999)

A German American crime mystery directed by Joel Schumacher, starring Nicolas Cage, Joaquin Phoenix, James Gandolfini and Peter Stormare.
A private detective is sent by a rich woman to find the origin of a snuff film.
I did not like this one bit. It was formulaic and forgettable. The only good character was the guy who worked at the porno shop and he got dismissed quickly. He had clear back-story and could have worked well with Cage to solve this case. It's not that I have moral qualms about porn or snuff films. Folks can masturbate to whatever they want. Humans kill animals all the time and think nothing of it. I don't see how humans killing humans is all that different. I don't even want to write about this because I was counting down the minutes until it was over. I rate it shit. Do not watch!

8½ Women (1999)

A British Netherlands Luxembourg German drama directed by Peter Greenaway, starring Toni Collette and Amanda Plummer.
An old woman dies, leaving her husband and son together after the funeral. Being astronomically wealthy, hey decide to build a harem for themselves and collect women who sign contracts to be their concubines.
Excellent! I would put this in a folder with La Grande Bouffe (1973) and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998), labeling it "too much of a good thing". The plot took a little while to develop clearly, but it definitely got interesting. I liked the middle section most, which is weird because I usually like film beginnings most. The characters weren't that great, but this was more about plot anyway. Amanda Plummer played Lydia in The Fisher King (1991), Yolanda/Honey Bunny in Pulp Fiction (1994) and Claude's mother in Ken Park (2002) (one of my more popular posts). Toni Collette played Princess Yum Yum's Nanny Witch in The Thief and the Cobbler (1995), Mandy Slade in Velvet Goldmine (1998) and Lynn Sear in The Sixth Sense (1999). Video all looked good. I liked how each section started with script text. There were also manufactured earthquakes which looked convincing. An odd note, this movie about sex has no graphic sex scenes. Audio was terrible. Everything except the helicopter landing was really quiet. The father spoke mostly in whispers. I'm rating this awesome because it's a keeper. If you like the weird, but coherent stuff like I do, this would be a great choice. Watch it.

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

A German American crime action sequel directed by John Singleton, starring James Remar.
A racecar driver is now working with the cops and together with an old friend, they make a deal to deliver money to a crime boss. The cops are in on the plan and want to catch everyone.
Oh yeah, car racing is absolutely the most interesting thing to watch. He's driving faster, now the other guy drives faster. Clearly, the plot did not hold my attention. I thought the characters were shallow too. The video had lots of quick editing, but some creative shots like going through the back of the car into the bag of money. There was also more correct exposure than I expected. The audio had crappy music, but dialogue was all clear. It was at least mixed well. What we've got here is "just another American car chase" like I said about "just another Japanese gun fight" before. I rate it bad because it's not worth watching and should never have been made, but at least it didn't hurt to watch. Don't watch it.

House of the Dead (2003)

A German Canadian American action horror directed by Uwe Boll, starring Clint Howard and Jürgen Prochnow.
Young people go to an island where a party was happening, but it has been disrupted by zombies. The outlaws who gave them a boat ride there and the cops chasing the outlaws are also drawn into the events.
I never want to see another slow motion bullet or fight move with the camera circling around what is depicted. Sadly, I will see these things again. I will also again regret watching a film based on a video game. This seemed like a 1980s campy horror flick done with 2000s technology. That is a very bad thing. At least in the '80s it seemed genuine. By 2003, characters should know to avoid blue smoke and fog at any cost. We also all know that jumping while shooting makes the bullets do more damage. I am so tired of writing about crappy movies when nobody reads it. I rate this bad. Really, don't watch it.
On a lighter note, I found an alphabetical list claiming to be every film ever made with title and year. Since I had been working on making a "movies to watch" list for so long and it has gone in so many directions that I no longer care what is on it, that is what I shall be using.

The Headsman A.K.A. Shadow of the Sword, Henker (2005)

A British Austrian Swiss Luxembourg Hungarian German romance drama directed by Simon Aeby, starring Nikolaj Coster.
During a time when the church is acting crazy, a pair of boys are split when they are young. One goes into the clergy and the other marries the executioner's daughter, becoming an executioner.
Mediocre crap. I found this while searching for Shadowless Sword (2005) and figured I would just get it anyway because it had English audio. I can see the production meeting: "This movie sucks. What can we do to get asses in seats?" "Let's make it look like Lord of the Rings!" The plot was rambling and uninteresting. The characters were shallow and the dialogue was poor. Audio was terrible too. People were either shouting or whispering. The ending was so cheesy that even if I spoiled it, nobody would care. It consisted of flashbacks and a ride into the sunset. But it all looked really modern and professional. I'm thinking there is some kind of digital setting or filter used to make films look this way (image). The era of proprietary cameras is over and digital footage is infinitely malleable. It should be easy to get the Peter Jackson look. Maybe a lighting setup? I rate this bad for being mediocre and boring. Don't watch it.

Every Thing Will Be Fine (2015)

A German French Swedish Norwegian Canadian American drama directed by Wim Wenders, starring Charlotte Gainsbourg, James Franco, Patrick Bauchau and Peter Stormare.
A man kills 1 of a pair of brothers in a car accident during a snow storm. He is depressed, but eventually becomes a successful writer. He offers to help the mother of the boys and they talk a little bit. When the surviving brother is 16 years old, he meets the writer.
This was worse than Turkish Star Wars (1982) because Wim Wenders is a good director and I was expecting something to happen. At the end of almost 2 hours, the credits rolled and there had been nothing going on since about 14 minutes in. Charlotte Gainsbourg is good at acting and I haven't seen her in any happy or boring roles. When the writer was looking outside, trying to figure out who broke into his house, she should have been there with weapons. At least Turkish Star Wars was known to be bad and had something happening. This had good people on the filmmaking team and nothing happened. I rate this shit because mediocrity should be punished more than lack of quality. I would rather watch a movie that is interesting because it's so bad than be bored by mediocrity.

Dr. T & the Women (2000)

A German American romance directed by Robert Altman, starring Richard Gere, Helen Hunt and Laura Dern.
A gynecologist has many problems with many women.
I've rated bad audio before because of not being able to hear things. This time, I'm pointing it out because of hearing too many things. There were scenes with rooms full of women, all speaking at the same time in a cacophony. I could tell this was written by a woman (Anne Rapp) because the men spoke like women when they were out hunting or golfing. Everyone was rich and (bringing back a 1970s/1980s theme) had a big bottle of liquor in their desk at work. I really didn't notice anything else about it. The plot was convoluted and there were too many characters. The camera-work looked alright and the editing was probably pretty quick. I rate it poor because I wish I had not watched it.

Confession of a Child of the Century A.K.A. Confession d'un enfant du siècle (2012)

A French German British period drama directed by Sylvie Verheyde, starring Charlotte Gainsbourg.
A rich young man falls in love with a widow a few years older than him and they have problems.
Whisper acting all the way through. I couldn't hear much dialogue, so it was difficult to know what was going on. For example, therre was a scene in which the 2 main characters were discussing Charlotte's (I never heard her character's name) journal while sitting on a bed. The movement of sheets was so loud that I feared for the safety of my speakers, but the dialogue was not audible. This is a film ruined by bad audio mixing. It could have had a great plot. I have no way of knowing whether it did. What are the characters' names? Couldn't hear that either. The audio was mixed this way with theaters in mind, knowing that the volume would be nearly deafening. I can't imagine what the music would have sounded like in theaters if the volume was up enough to hear dialogue. I have to rate it shit because the only way to watch it and hear anything would have been in the theater.

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

A German Canadian American action directed by Wych Kaosayananda A.K.A. Kaos, starring Antonio Banderas, Lucy Liu and Terry Chen.
Secret agents fight over family members and a microscopic device which kills people.
Total crap. The director and writer, Wych/Kaos (see above) and Alan B. McElroy have only been involved in terrible action films like this one. It was light on plot and heavy on action. Lucy Liu's high kicks were a sign of the times, but her origami is Japanese and she is Chinese. I think this was part of a theme of appealing to the lowest common denominator. An action film without much plot has an Asian actress, so she must know martial arts and origami, right? Same with the motorcycle chase. It seemed more like a decision to include a motorcycle chase at this certain time than anything motivated by the plot. The camerawork was great and everything looked fine, even if it was edited very quickly. Production value was great, but writing and directing really fell through. I rate this shit because normally, I would have turned it off as soon as I figured out what it was. I'm currently watching "worst"s, so bring me the biggest dung heap of a film possible. DO NOT WATCH!

Paterson (2016)

A German French American drama written and directed by Jim Jarmusch, starring Golshifteh Farahni.
A bus driver writes poetry and meets other poets. His wife decorates their house, makes cupcakes and orders a guitar so she can be a country singer.
I thought Jim Jarmusch could do no wrong, until I saw this. It was 2 hours of total pointlessness. This fits with the bad run of movies I've been watching recently. Most of it has been Dogma 95 and Wong Kar-wai romances. It has all been so dull that I don't even want to write a scathing review of it. When one of my favorite directors makes something that fits this mold, I have to type something. I sat here the whole time, waiting for something in the plot to change, but it never happened. The video all looked good: camera movement, composition, framing, blocking, editing... all great, but nothing happened. I have to rate this shit because of disappointment which has lead to distrust. DO NOT WATCH! ...and if you like Jim Jarmusch films, REALLY DO NOT WATCH!!!

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016)

A German British American French Canadian Australian action film directed by Paul W. S. Anderson, starring Milla Jovovich.
Alice finds that she has a time limit to reach the origin of the zombie apocalypse and release an antivirus.
Total fucking shit. This is competing with Ben-Hur and Some Kind of Monster for worst movie ever made (self-reference cliche). It starts out alright with a recap of the story and into a fight with a giant bat or moth type monster. Then you realize that the editing is too fast for your eyes to follow. I'm talking like single frame cuts at 60fps here! Once you realize that you will never be able to process what is happening, you also realize that the plot is almost vacant. Hero woman has to get somewhere in a time limit and stuff is in her way. That's all there is. I rate this shit because I want the past 1:38:04 of my life back. I really wish that I could sue these horrible filmmakers for time. I would be immortal with all the crap I've seen.

Dear Wendy (2005)

A British Danish French German crime drama directed by Thomas Vinterberg, written by Lars von Trier, starring Bill Pullman.
A group of young people take an interest in guns and marksmanship which gives them confidence that they were lacking. A new member is added, who has had a long and unspoken rivalry with the main character. The new member had been in trouble with the law involving guns and his grandmother was a maid for the main character's parents. Because the old woman is afraid of gangs and hesitates to visit a neighbor, the group escort her on the proposed 2 minute walk.
I haven't mentioned style in a long time, but this has it. when good writing, acting, shooting and editing come together, good style is the results in a product which equals more than the sum of its parts. The plot held my attention and I would say the main characters were dynamic. Pacing felt right (why not bring back another term?). Lots of the camera-work was Dogme 95 style, with lots of handheld long takes. The costumes of the main characters are a point to mention. If these were worn in a Harry Potter style film, they would have been a hokey joke. In a film by such accomplished and independent filmmakers as von Trier and Vinterberg, the outlandish costumes fit and make sense without seeming contrived. Audio was not so great, but I could hear most of it. Diegetic dialogue was obviously going to be low. The narrator's voice was about twice as loud as that and the music was twice as loud as the narration. It's easy to see how layered audio levels like this can get out of hand. I really liked this movie and rate it good. You should probably watch it.

Nymphomaniac A.K.A. NYMPH()MANIAC (2013)

A British Danish Belgian French German adventure directed by Lars von Trier, starring Charlotte Gainsbourg, Stellan Skarsgard, Christian Slater, Uma Thurman, Willlem Dafoe and Udo Kier.
A man finds a woman injured and lying in an alley. He takes her to his apartment where she tells him about her life.
Beyond amazing. Camera-work and editing blew me away. The plot and characters held my attention the whole 5 and a half hours to the point that I wanted to watch it again as soon as it was done. Speaking of time, make sure to watch the longer version/director's cut. It's worthwhile. This film is not for the squeamish. If graphic depictions of sex and violence make you squeam, don't watch it. Also blasphemy, racism and foul language. More genitals crossed the screen than I'm used to, but that's o.k. for a movie this good. I can't think of anything that would improve this besides better audio editing, but that could be improved in most films. I rate this best. it's a keeper. Watch it!

Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)

A French German Japanese American crime film directed by Jim Jarmusch, starring Forest Whitaker, Henry Silva and Isaach de Bankole.
Mobsters decide to kill one of their assassins who follows samurai traditions and communicates with them only through notes on pigeons.
Out of the Jarmusch I've seen so far, this is not his best work. It seemed too new, too Hollywood and too violent. I'm not really one for guns anyway and this guy practiced with a sword that never got used. Also, if he's such an honorable samurai, why does he go around stealing cars like it doesn't matter? The video had lots more fast editing and close shots than I would have liked and the mobster's daughter spoke 1 line of audible dialogue and like 5 lines inaudible. Overall, not really what I like to watch. I would advise Jarmusch fans to skip it and I rate it tolerable.

The Red Turtle A.K.A. La Tortue Rouge, Reddo Tātoru: Aru Shima no Monogatari, レッドタートル ある島の物語 (2016)

A French Belgian German Japanese animated adventure directed by Michael Dudok de Wit.
A man is shipwrecked on a deserted island. Every time he tries to build a raft and sail away, a giant red turtle comes to break his raft. One night, the turtle lands on the beach.
This has been called something like a "silent masterpiece" because there was no dialogue. The only word in the version that I watched was "help" in English, not in any of the languages of the countries which the film came from. I would classify the plot genre as more of a fable than adventure, but I want it to come up in the adventure section on my blog. The animation was unique. The backgrounds and landscapes were artsy and almost like a Hiroshige print, but the characters were more traditional and simplified anime style. The classical music and sound effects fit well and were of appropriate volume levels. Other critics seem to think that this is just absolutely astounding and beautiful. I would just call it good and keep it with the rest of the Miyazaki and Ghibli films. It didn't go far enough above and beyond to be called awesome.

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)

A British German drama directed by Jim Jarmusch, starring Tilda Swinton, Anton Yelchin, Jeffrey Wright and John Hurt.
A female vampire in Tangiers goes to visit her husband in Detroit, but her sister shows up and drinks the husband's zombie. They kick out the sister and both go to Tangiers in order to avoid being known.
Every once in a while, a truly goth movie comes along. I definitely appreciated the two hour duration and still wanted more. It went too quickly, even though the actual pacing was moderate. The plot was pretty sparse, but this was like a "slice of life" Mike Leigh film that doesn't need constant action and conflict. The characters were very much to my liking. I cared what happened to them, their dialogue was written in character and the actors did a great job playing their roles. These vampires are of the cleaner Hollywood style. They don't even drool blood like Radu from Subspecies. I liked that the husband wore all black and the wife wore light colors. The husband's house looked like musician's heaven (probably all real equipment) and Tangiers looked convincing. The camera-work and editing were seamless. The only time that I really noticed what the camera was doing was in spinning overhead shots and during the first blood drinking scene. All of the vampires drink blood from small wine glasses and are followed by the camera as they lean back, like in Trainspotting. The audio is where I have to get negative on this. The dialogue was audible and correctly mixed, but the music genre was not to my liking. The whole style, flavor and feeling of this was very cohesive and dark. Other critics give this film about a B average, which I think is abysmally low for something so gloomily beautiful. I rate this best because I wanted to watch it again right after it ended.

I'm Not There (2007)

A German American dramatized music documentary directed by Todd Haynes, starring Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere and Ben Whishaw.
Something about the life and career of Bob Dylan is supposed to be communicated.
Holy multiple non-linear plots, Batman! So, we've got 6 plots based on different and undefined periods in Bob Dylan's life and they are alternated through the duration. This tells me that they did not want the viewer to understand what was going on. There were so many characters that thinking or writing about them would make my head hurt. The video and audio were done quite well and it was a technically sound film. I could see and hear everything that was going on. There were some nice shots and creative visual compositions. The music was mixed well with the dialogue to the point that they were inseparable. Overall, a beautiful, but incoherent mess. It was done in such a way to make me think that this may have been intentional. I rate this adequate. Don't plan on understanding it, at least on the first viewing.

Citizenfour (2014)

A German American documentary directed by Laura Poitras.
The American government is spying on citizens and this information gets leaked out.
This was boring. The subject matter did not hold my interest because I already knew that the government is spying on everything everyone does. The whispered dialogue did not help this fact. There were inexpertly done interviews like when the fire alarm goes off in a hotel and they keep filming. These were intercut with news footage from TV. Overall, not worth watching. I turned it off at the hour mark, which is half way through the duration. I rate this shit. DO NOT WATCH!!!