A Turkish Japanese drama directed by Mitsutoshi Tanaka, starring Seiyō Uchino.
A group of Turkish sailors are shipwrecked in Japan and the people of a small village save them. Years later, some Japanese people are trying to get out of the middle east on a Turkish rescue flight.
It took that long to tell this story? 2 hours. Why? The plot was absurdly simple and characters developed some before being discarded, never to be seen again. It all looked and sounded great. The subtitles I got were a little screwy, but on time. I just don't see why it had to be so long. Sure, there's a great message about helping others. I'm not saying I dislike that, just that it could have been done quickly. I rate this o.k. because it was fine, just too long. Know what you're getting into before you dive into watching movies.
An Australian American science fiction directed by The Wachowskis, starring Channing Tatum and Sean Bean.
A young woman finds out that she is the heir of a galactic estate which includes the Earth and people are trying to take it. A young man from space falls into the role of saving her at the last second.
This is what happens when special effects become a higher priority than writing or acting. It all looked great because it was made in a computer. Actors and sets were a minor element in the visual landscape. The plot was tired before it started. When the hero was closing in on saving the female lead the second time, I found it funny. It seems like it was written by copying and pasting from other science fiction scripts. Characters? who cares about them when we've got these alien monsters and explosions? Dialogue and delivery were stale and overplayed. How many times can films repeat the same old science fiction cliches with new video technology before folks stop watching it? Apparently, not enough yet because I watched this. I rate it bad because it's a polished turd. Don't watch it.
A German French Swedish Norwegian Canadian American drama directed by Wim Wenders, starring Charlotte Gainsbourg, James Franco, Patrick Bauchau and Peter Stormare.
A man kills 1 of a pair of brothers in a car accident during a snow storm. He is depressed, but eventually becomes a successful writer. He offers to help the mother of the boys and they talk a little bit. When the surviving brother is 16 years old, he meets the writer.
This was worse than Turkish Star Wars (1982) because Wim Wenders is a good director and I was expecting something to happen. At the end of almost 2 hours, the credits rolled and there had been nothing going on since about 14 minutes in. Charlotte Gainsbourg is good at acting and I haven't seen her in any happy or boring roles. When the writer was looking outside, trying to figure out who broke into his house, she should have been there with weapons. At least Turkish Star Wars was known to be bad and had something happening. This had good people on the filmmaking team and nothing happened. I rate this shit because mediocrity should be punished more than lack of quality. I would rather watch a movie that is interesting because it's so bad than be bored by mediocrity.
A Chinese adventure directed by Wuershan, starring Shu Qi.
A trio of retired treasure hunters are living in New York City. 20 years ago, the 2 men narrowly escaped from a tomb, but lost the woman they both desired. Now one of them has returned to the area to search for the Equinox Flower. The other man follows and is accompanied by their female co-worker. The first man who returned is employed by a gang of some type and all of them enter a tomb which is rife with traps.
If you can read subtitles fast enough, this is really cool. It looked like a modern wuxia film, but there was no flying or swordplay. The sets and special effects are the main attraction here. The tomb has bridges that burn with green fire, zombies, collapsing floors and mummies which turn into poisonous dust. It doesn't matter that I could tell when the characters were in front of a green screen. The main characters were moderately developed and their back-story was revealed as the plot progressed. Somehow I was reminded of the Pirates of the Caribbean series. I rate this good and would recommend it for those who like big movies with good special effects.
A Brazilian drama by Hector Babenco, starring Willem Dafoe.
A man with cancer has trouble with his wife and brother. On a side note, he meets a Hindu boy in the hospital.
The title must be a joke because that boy was only in probably less than 10 minutes of the 2 hour movie. The non-linear plot threw me off and I watched it twice, thinking that I might understand it better. Nope. At least, I think it was a non-linear plot... Willem Dafoe is a great actor and can basically do no wrong, so he was doing a good job all the way through. I thought it was a little gross to see him with his shirt off though. The camera-work was brilliant and the editing was good, unless it was supposed to be a linear plot. Then the editing was the worst I've ever seen. Overall, it was pretty decent. I rate it adequate and would recommend it if you really, really like Willem Dafoe.
A South Korean wuxia directed by Park Heung-sik.
A female warrior seeks revenge against 2 other warriors and there is political upheaval.
Total nonsense. I watched the first hour and could barely make any sense of the plot. Questions like when things are happening should not come up. It was very pretty though. It looked as a modern wuxia post-Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon should look. The costumes, sets and lighting were all beautiful. Some of the camera-work was good, but much of it happened in shots too short to appreciate. I have to rate this shit because I turned it off.
An American drama directed by Tony McNamara, starring Mickey Rourke, Kevin Dunn and Michael Lerner.
A high school boy joins the football team, finds a girlfriend and befriends an aging neighbor. Turns out, the neighbor is a C.I.A. hit man.
I really had mixed feelings about this. Some parts were so thoughtful, had meaningful plot and made me like the characters. Other parts made me want to turn it off because they were vapid, had bad acting and dealt with the same bland subject material which so many other films have overdone. Mickey Rourke is a good actor and I liked his role in this film. However, I did want him to call Ed "bubble boy" and ask for a ride to the truck stop. The relationship between the two main characters was so interesting that it seemed like everything else was taking up time that could have been better spent. Overall, I have to give this one of those weird, pink ratings because of the contrast between good and bad.
An American stop motion animated drama directed by Charlie Kaufman and Duke Johnson, starring David Thewlis and Jennifer Jason Leigh.
The best thing about this was that it was strange. The pacing seemed to build through the duration and as the plot developed. The plot itself was not all that interesting, but it had some moments when things went nuts. I liked all of the characters only being voiced by only 3 people, regardless of age and gender. What made this really interesting is that it turns out to be a plot point. Dialogue was mostly mundane, but glimpses of insanity shone through all that much better this way. Everything being models and figures, the sets and character design was convincing and complex. Not everyone makes stop motion characters with removable clothing. I thought the camera-work was done very well. What impressed me most was correct use of focal depths. Sometimes the focal point was the only thing in focus and others showed deep focus. The audio seemed to be mixed fine. There was a little too much dynamic range on the dialogue vocals for my liking, but I turned it up just a little bit and everything was fine. This won 4/32 awards that it was nominated for, IMDb has a 7.3/10 rating listed, Metacritic lists an 88% metascore and Rotten Tomatoes shows 91% tomatometer with 70% audience score for an average of 80.5%. I think that's predictable because the whole film seemed a little on the mundane side, with little bits of interest poking through. I rate it adequate for being artfully made and a little strange, but not quite interesting enough.
A Canadian documentary directed by Zoran Maslic.
A poet left Bosnia because of war and moved to Canada, where he opened a restaurant.
It's difficult not to compare this with Zoran's other film, Annoying. This was not as good. The pacing was very slow and the interviews seemed a little too informal. It was very clear that the film was a portrait of Goran Simic, the poet, but I expected more to happen or some deeper meaning to be revealed. Way too much of the camera-work was handheld, which added to the informal style of the film. Audio was good, with subtitles even when people were speaking English. I can't really compare ratings by other critics because Zoran made sure that his website is the only place where this is mentioned, besides a vimeo page where I watched it. Overall, it seemed slow, uneventful and informal. I rate this o.k.
An American documentary directed by Calum Waddell.
Filmmakers, authors and scholars discuss 1970s and '80s Italian cannibal films and play clips from them.
A comprehensive study of the genre. The hour and a half duration went by very quickly. This had a very high information density, citing many films from the genre and discussing each in comparison to others. The interviewees were chosen very well. Who would be better for this than the original filmmakers and actors? There were also modern authors and scholars who specialize in this subject matter. Speaking of subject matter, this was a good choice to make a film about. Not only do I like Italian films, but I like horror and cannibal films as well. The camera-work could have used some work. Each interviewee was only shown from one angle. The films and interviews alternated between widescreen 16:9 and fullscreen 4:3 formats, but that was because of the clip sources. The audio was all mixed well, I could hear everyone and there were subtitles provided when the Italian filmmakers were speaking. As a whole, it seemed very academic for a documentary on B horror films. This has a 7/10 rating on IMDB, but user reviews rate it around 8-9/10. I would agree with the user reviews giving this a B+ grade. I rate it good because of the subject matter, wealth of information and opportunity to add to my list of movies to watch.
An Indian comedy drama directed by Kabir Khan, starring Salman Khan, Nawazuddin Siddiqui and Kareena Kapoor Khan.
A mute girl from Pakistan is accidentally left in India while traveling by train. An honest and well-meaning man finds her, but is not allowed to have her stay in his family's house because of national and religious differences. The man then takes the girl back to Pakistan and tries to find her home.
Way sappy and way overproduced. The 2.5 hour duration was alright I guess and the pacing was moderate, but slightly dynamic. The simplistic plot could have been told in much less time. The main characters (honest Bajrangi, mute Shahida and reporter Chand) were identifiable and memorable. I think the acting was way over the top and too overly expressive. The dialogue was actually funny in some parts, despite the language barrier. The costumes were nothing special, but the filming locations were vast. From small city rooms to majestic mountains, they filmed everywhere. I can't say that I liked the camera-work, but it was handled expertly. They knew what they were doing, I just didn't like it. As with all Bollywood, there were cheesy songs with dancing. Like a happy version of Michael Jackson's Thriller with middle eastern folks instead of zombies. The audio was all mixed correctly though. I could hear dialogue and music at the correct levels. The whole style was sap on tap like India does Precious Moments and Hallmark channel. This has 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, made shitloads of money and won a crap ton of awards. It's marketable. I rate this o.k. because I hate mainstream trash, especially when it's as sappy as this. I do have to give the filmmakers credit for knowing what they wanted and making it happen. Nothing was by accident in this movie.
A British American science fiction directed by Ridley Scott, starring Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig, Jeff Daniels, Sean Bean and Michael Pena.
A hasty takeoff from Mars leaves one astronaut stranded. He must survive with the equipment he has there while a rescue is arranged.
This was very long in duration, but the pacing and action held my interest. The writing was full of stereotypical cliches, mainly in the dialogue. The plot held my attention, but I think the characters were a little shallow and stereotypical. There were also some sections of the plot that were not believable, even in a science fiction world. The camera-work was good, including lots of shot variety, movement and good composition. I could see everything that was going on. The audio was not so great. Although the dialogue was audible, the music selection was horrid. This is from 2015, not 1975. The number of characters was astronomical, but number of locations was slightly limited. Obviously, the sets, costumes and special effects took up much of the 108 million dollar budget. I think the goal of the film was to lure the money from a general family audience. I rate this o.k. because entertainment value balanced cliches.
An Australian American action directed by George Miller, starring Charlize Theron.
Max is captured by the thugs of a corrupt leader and forced into slavery. When a renegade driver goes off-route, he teams up with her.
Predictable, boring and stupid. It was all action and nothing else. The plot was threadbare and did not fit into the established story of the series. It seemed more like a stand-alone installment. The characters were so shallow that I could almost see through them. The video was done well, special effects, choreographed vehicle chases, explosions and all that crap. The audio wasn't bad. I could hear what people said and the music. Overall, an action-packed extravaganza full of violence with no plot and weak characters. Hey, if that's what you want, go for it. I want more out of a movie. I rate this poor for the reasons stated above. You should not watch it if you're looking for depth or thought.
A British music documentary directed by Asif Kapadia, starring Amy Winehouse.
A biography of the pop star jazz singer.
This was interesting. I actually saw the beginning in one of my classes at school and it just happened to come up on my list. The subject matter held my attention because of the drug addiction, eating disorders and this British girl singing like an old black woman. The found footage style was carried through the duration and ended up working out well. Having lyrics displayed on screen was another good idea. The audio was mostly good and only low quality phone call style in a few isolated spots. Although I don't like pop stars, I do like jazz and stories of troubled times in general. I'm rating this adequate. It's worth watching.
An American documentary directed by Brett Morgen.
The life of Kurt Cobain of Nirvana fame is presented in retrospective.
I was thinking Gus Van Sant's last days, but got a doc that made Cobain look good. There were too many childhood home movies to start with. Then there was stuff about him being rebellious, which was good. Then he played in bands, which was bad because it was mostly his music (gag, choke). Then he made out with Courtney Love, they had a kid and showed their baby videos. The variety of videos with newer interviews and old home movies worked well. Do we really need to see animations on his notebooks though? The music was too much Nirvana for me because I hate the band. I got to the two hour mark and freaked out because there were only 12 minutes left for him to collapse into drug addiction, depression and death. Besides those being my favorite things in the world, I want to see them happen to someone whose music I hate. Overall, the editing was good, but it was far too positive. I rate this adequate because it was made well, but the content was not to my liking. You might like Nirvana and want to watch it, but I don't.
A Canadian music documentary directed by Zoran Maslic.
Music videos of a gutter punk duo and interviews with one of the members detail the trials and tribulations of life on the streets in Canada.
AMAZING! Thank you, Nate!!! As the plot develops, it reveals deeper depths of addiction, homelessness, childhood abuse and neglect. The characters are as unique as they can be. As I watched it, I wanted more and more to play bass for their band because they are outcasts, misfits and red-headed stepchildren like myself. The video featured mainly interview and musical performance footage. This was inter-cut with appropriate B-roll of the city, mostly at night. There was also some skateboarding involved. The audio featured some of the best music of the genre, but I suspect that the performers know a very limited number of chords and progressions. Overall, exactly the musical hobo documentary that I wanted and it gets as gritty as possible. I rate this best. WATCH IT!!!!
An American action film directed by Guy Ritchie, starring Jared Harris and Hugh Grant.
A C.I.A. agent and a K.G.B. agent team up to find a nuclear warhead and protect the daughter of the man who built it. In other words: spies fight spies.
Guy Ritchie's filmography reads like a downward spiral. It started out great with his first two films. Swept Away and Revolver were alright at best and the quality of his work just kept decreasing. The plot in this film was a little jumbled because the viewer doesn't know who is lying or telling the truth to whom and who is on whose side until the end. The characters were typical of a spy action flick. They try to act all cool with weapons, vehicles and violence, but their dialogue lacks substance. The female lead was only female in clothing. She wore dresses, but worked on cars and got violent and arrogant just like the men. The video was more like Ritchie than Swept Away, with many camera angles and lots of fast editing. There was also text on the screen that was animated into the scenes. The audio was like any other action flick: energetic music, guns and explosions. I could hear all of the dialogue, even though a good portion was not in English. This is where that animated text comes in: much of that was stylized subtitles. Overall, I had a hard time believing the same guy who made Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels made this. I rate it tolerable. You might not want to watch it.
An American science fiction directed by Neill Blomkamp, starring Watkin Tudor Jones (Ninja), Anri du Toit (Yolandi Visser), Sigourney Weaver and Hugh Jackman.
Ninja and Yolandi owe a crime boss a large sum of money for a botched heist. They kidnap a scientist who has just created a human-like consciousness for police robots and the broken robot that he is about to test it on. In preparation for a larger crime, Ninja and Yolandi try to teach their new robot how to be a criminal, but also moral values. Back at the police robot station, another officer activates his bigger robot and pilots it into a confrontation with the main characters.
This got generally negative reviews, but I really liked it. It came with "pre-loaded" characters (Ninja and Yolandi). Anyone familiar with the duo's music videos knows their characters already, meaning that the lack of character development in the film became a non-issue. The plot was a little bit disjointed, choppy and desultory. It lacked resolution to many of the concepts and events involved. The video was pretty good. The special effects were done very well, meaning the robot looked real and like he was really there. The audio featured some Die Antwoord songs, so no complaints here. I could hear the dialogue too. Some of this dialogue was admittedly poorly written and maybe a little cheesy, but this was not the focus of the film. The real purpose of this thing was that Die Antwoord teach the robot to be like their characters. I think it succeeded here. Overall, pre-loaded characters that I like, good music and good CG. I rate this best. Watch it if you like Die Antwoord.
An American drama directed by Rob Reiner.
A politician's son is always in and out of rehab centers. He has a friend who partys all the time, but never seems to get in trouble. He meets a girl at an inpatient program and they have a shaky romance. The father is more worried about his political campaign than about his son and does anything he can to push him away.
It wasn't bad. Didn't hurt to watch, but hit a little too close to home in some sections. The plot seemed to go nowhere. Nothing really changed from the beginning to the end. The characters were a little shallow. The relationship between son and father developed a little bit, but mostly characters left and were forgotten. The video was mostly good in a standard "I can see what's going on" type of way. There were some underexposed scenes in which important events could not be discerned. Landscapes and backgrounds sometimes looked great at the expense of characters and foreground elements. The audio had audible dialogue and a wide range of soundtrack music. The parts of the film that hit too close to home were the rehab facilities with their serenity prayer and vapid counselors. Fortunately, I have never been to inpatient. Overall, a standard American drama with various pros and cons like any other film. I rate this o.k.
A New Zealand comedy horror directed by Jason Lei Howden.
A high school metalhead boy moves to a new town where he befriends the dungeons and dragons dorks as well as a local miscreant, fellow metalhead. They form a band and shortly after, break into the house of a heavy metal cult celebrity in hiding. He gives them a record with papers in in before a mysterious man arrives to kill him. This man is tied into an organization looking for the papers because of their occult content. The band learns and plays the song written on the papers and all hell breaks loose.
Not too shabby, but not very consistent. High School drama just doesn't fit with the metal elements exactly right. One minute kids are getting beaten up for being nerds or worrying about teen romance, the next someone is imagining mountain top metal god status or mutilating zombies with a chainsaw. I liked the good parts and there were plenty of them to like. Some sections just did not fit into the cohesive whole. Plot was pretty standard for comedy horror, but with teen drama characters. The video varied as I described above. The soundtrack, however, was one of the best I've heard in a while. The only audio that was unclear to me were the demons' dialogue. I'm pretty used to black and death metal lyrics, but what they were saying was incoherent. Subtitles would have really helped there. Overall, Pretty cool. Despite the irregularities, I liked it and rate it good. Just so you know, Haxansword is a fictional band.
