A Chinese kung fu directed by Chao Lu-jiang, starring Donnie Yen and Wu Ma.
NOT a sequel to Iron Monkey (1993). A corrupt crime overlord is dealing in guns. A poor conman is trying to trick a stranger out of his money, but the stranger is related to a blind man in town. The stranger and conman end up fighting the crime lord.
What a disappointment. I did not look it up before watching, so I thought this was supposed to be a sequel. It looked and sounded worse than some 1970s kung fu films I've seen. The plot was not communicated clearly and characters were not made clear either. They were definitely shallow and undeveloped. The only thing that I can say in praise of this is that I liked the beginning of the ending fight. The heroes used ladders as weapons, trapping their foes, knocking them down and such. That was it. I rate this bad. You would be better off not watching it.
An American comedy directed by Jason Bloom, starring Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin.
A pair of young men accidentally get locked in an ecological experiment with scientists for a year.
Not bad. First, a quick observation on Pauly Shore films. In this as well as Encino Man (1992), Pauly Shore plays an entertaining idiot whose best friend is just a plain idiot. I'm not specifying whether the idiot is Dave or Link. Maybe it's both. Regardless, the idiot friend has much less dialogue than Pauly. I'm not sure about his other films and should probably add them to my list. The plot of this film had many smaller branches shooting off from the basic premise. The characters were mostly shallow and static, but some of them did change a little bit. Camerawork and editing looked good to me, but I like the time period in film that this is from. Audio was mixed well and there was some variety to the soundtrack music. However, it was mostly mid-'90s pop songs that sucked and got overplayed. There was some bisexual innuendo to mention. The guys are in a car and talk about "going both ways". Given that they have girlfriends and are clearly in love with one another, it is believable. I rate it adequate just for being entertaining. If you haven't seen it, you might want to check it out, but it is listed among the worst films ever made.
A Danish British drama directed by Lars von Trier, starring Emily Watson, Stellan Skarsgard and Udo Kier.
A religious woman in a small town marries a man who works on a nearby oil rig. he is injured at work and returns, but she thinks that her prayer caused his injury because she was praying for his return. He tells her to have sex with someone else and tell him about it, so she begins to fornicate her way through town.
Pretty strange, but that's why I like it. Besides the chapter headings, everything was shot with handheld panavision super35mm cameras. The film was then transferred to digital video and back to film again. This created a surreal effect of heavy outlines and some serious grain or grit. The chapter headings used a tripod. The plot was sparse, but held my interest as the characters developed. Bess and Jan (wife and husband) were dynamic characters, as Bess went crazy and Jan was injured, causing him to go a little crazy too. The only thing that I will mention about audio is that the chapter headings included 1970s mainstream rock music. I used to not like that genre, but have been getting into progressive rock from that time period recently. The pacing was slow to match the sparse plot, but that ended up working out alright. I'm rating this adequate because it's definitely too unique to be just o.k. You may want to watch it. Also, look up Lars von Trier and Thomas Vinterberg's "Dogma/Dogme 95" movement for more information about production style.
A Romanian American science fiction series directed by Ernest Farino, Frank Arnold and Mark Manos.
A boy gets into the middle of an argument between 2 scientists from the future over a world-changing device. He then visits various times and places as the scientists continue their duel.
So cheesy. At least it was cohesively so, unlike Trancers. The plots and characters were a joke and the pacing left much to be desired. What should have been quick was slow and what should have been slow was quick. There were clear fabrications of action scenes, as evidenced by the fact that no human is stupid enough to make the mistakes which caused them. The props and sets were pitiful. It all looked vacant, like there was not enough money to furnish anything appropriately. The boy goes crazy over finding a girls' bike in the second film. Did I mention that the writing, dialogue and acting were terrible? If there were any reason to watch this, it was to see how far special effects have come since 1996. To really get down to the root of the problem, I think this was grossly under-funded. I rate it poor because I watched it all and have seen much worse.
A Danish American science fiction drama directed by Albert Pyun, starring Sue Price.
A female body-builder has conversations with guys that have stuff stuck to their faces.
This was horrid! Plotless rambling with talking heads the whole time. The plot was so sparse as to be non-existent. The conversations were drawn out so long and then there was a little bit of action before the next conversation. The characters are accurately described in my plot summary. Imagine He-Man with boobs. That's the main character and she is not shy about naked scenes. Then add a regular, average looking guy who has paint, sequins and "cyborg parts" (A.K.A. bits of plastic) on his face. The video could have been done better by a child with an iPhone. At least they would have gotten better shot variety by mistake. The audio had clear dialogue... Overall, I think I've torn this a new one just about enough. I turned it off somewhere around the 50 minute mark. I rate this shit. NEVER EVER WATCH IT!!!!
An American courtroom drama directed by Rob Reiner, starring Alec Baldwin, Whoopi Goldberg and James Woods.
A lawyer brings back a case of a black civil rights leader who was killed 27 years before.
I wish I hadn't decided to watch Rob Reiner's directorial filmography. All of his films are very standard and formulaic. This is no exception to that. Anything that I would normally write about can be described with those words. I would like to add a few, just to emphasize my point: stale, boring, predictable, trite, conventional, stock, uninspired, and cliched are just a few that come to mind. The best part was the lawyer's youngest son copying his father's curse word: shit. Overall, I want the last two hours of my life back. I rate this poor for being so mediocre (there's another good word!).
An American crime drama directed by Barry Levinson, starring Kevin Bacon, Robert De Niro, Dustin Hoffman and Brad Pitt.
After a prank goes horribly wrong, four boys are sentenced to a juvenile detention center where they are abused by the guards. Years later, two of them kill the guard who treated them worst and a trial is held.
This was pretty good. The plot held my attention and the characters were memorable. I thought the video style was a little over-dramatized, but the audio was good. I could hear all of the dialogue and the soundtrack was appropriate. I think Kevin Bacon gets type-cast as a child abuser quite frequently. Overall, a regular movie that fills in all the correct check boxes on my list of criteria. I rate this good.
A British Canadian American comedy directed by John Landis, starring Tom Arnold, Jessica Lundy and Christopher Lee.
A family of stupid people get involved in a real military and government conspiracy by believing in a false one. They save the world from arms dealers instead of a man named Sender who steals mail and garbage.
This was stupid. It was supposed to be. I think that John Landis was the correct director for this. His comedic works are generally reviewed positively. The casting was correct and I liked the bright visual style to mimic the children's books. This is not a film to analyze or think about, just watch it and be glad you're not watching Some Kind of Monster or Blues Brothers 2000. I rate it o.k. because it's a mediocre comedy. Nothing more, nothing less.
A British drama written and directed by Mike Leigh, starring Timothy Spall, Brenda Blethyn and Phyllis Logan.
An adopted daughter finds her birth mother. The mother's brother runs a photography business and has a run-in with his old boss. The identity of the adopted daughter is revealed at a family gathering. But seriously, Brits sit around and have tea.
More slice of life from Mike Leigh and Timothy Spall. They have really grown on me. The plot (as always) was minimalist and uneventful. The characters were developed quite well, as usual. It was interesting that black characters were included this time. The video and audio were good. Everyone knows I can't get enough of British accents. This was all about the mother of the adopted daughter and her emotions. Overall, not too shabby and as expected. I rate it o.k.
A Chinese comedy directed by Stephen Chow.
A famous television chef turns out to not be good at cooking. He meets street food vendors and helps them. He then takes part in a cooking contest against the man who replaced him as top chef.
Stephen Chow is so weird. It really came out in his style with this film. The plot was complex and the characters were interesting. I really liked the ugly street food vendor woman with bad teeth. The video style involved lots of editing, good shots and some compositing. The shot of the final food judge rolling on meat was priceless. Chow's deadpan delivery of humor shines here. Overall, exactly what I expected. I rate this good because I like Stephen Chow and this gave me what I wanted.
An American comedy drama directed by Francis Ford Coppola, starring Robin Williams, Jennifer Lopez, Bill Cosby and Fran Drescher.
A baby boy is born 7 months premature because his internal clock is fast. By the time he is 10 years old, he seems to be in his 40s, but enters elementary school. There he makes friends that will literally last the rest of his life.
General issue Hollywood crap anyone? There were some '90s pop-culture references that I understood and the pacing was quick enough. A very few of the jokes were funny. Namely the fart jokes and eating mixtures of nasty stuff in the treehouse scene and Williams' seemingly innocent sexual innuendo when he posed as the principle. So what if I'm still entertained by fart jokes? Obviously, mainstream dramedies are not the place to showcase brilliant camera-work or deep dialogue. This was WAY more interesting to me than Gardens of Stone, but if you're looking for a really good film, keep looking. I rate this o.k. because it had a balance of immature humor and a shallow emptiness only found in mainstream Hollywood bullshit.
A Canadian British thriller directed and produced by David Cronenberg.
A man gets into a car crash on his way home from work. The other survivor is a woman in the other car who exposes her breast to him. They eventually develop a relationship as well as joining a car crash sex cult. From there, things get out of hand.
This is the Cronenberg that I know and love. I went through the whole film with a WTF feeling and was left with the same. That being said, the plot (as strange as it was) was linear and kind of made sense. The characters were dynamic, developing new fetishes as the film progressed. The cult seems to spend their time smoking joints and jerking off to car crash videos, which seems a little unnerving to me. Although associated with vehicular manslaughter and infidelity, I'm awarding female anatomy points. Overall, it was a controlled kind of crazy. I know I've done this frequently and recently, but I rate it adequate.
An American action film directed by John Carpenter, starring Kurt Russell, Stacy Keach, Steve Buscemi, Peter Fonda, Cliff Robertson and Pam Grier.
In a further dystopian future, Los Angeles has detached from North America in a earthquake and become a deportation zone for criminals. The president's daughter has stolen military technology and is hiding there. The same famous criminal is sent in to retrieve this technology and kill her.
This was better than Escape from New York. I think that better technology and the updated all-star cast led to a better film. There was lots and lots of compositing and visual effects usage. From the earthquake intro to the surfing scene, someone had fun making this. The plot and characters were much clearer this time and the video style was not as dark. It was still dark, but better cameras helped to achieve correct exposure and maintain detail. The pacing was very fast all the way through. I'll rate this adequate. If you like action films, this would be one to watch.
An American action film by Jean-Claude Van Damme.A man who takes care of homeless kids in New York City has to run away to avoid being wrongfully arrested. He makes his way onto a boat where he is chained and forced to work. The boat is attacked by the comic relief and they take him to Thailand where he supposedly learns Thai boxing. When he meets the comic relief again, they have a romantic interest with them and all of them plan to attend a secret fighting tournament by posing as the American champion's guides.It was cheesy above all else. The style was swiss, the characters were cheddar and the plot was pepper-jack. The main character did not demonstrate any ability to fight like a Thai boxer. This was demonstrated by a gentleman from Siam at the competition. I did find it amusing to watch this lame film, so I won't rate it too bad. Let's call it o.k. for being bad enough to enjoy making fun of.
An American film noir western by Walter Hill, starring Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken.The plot of Yojimbo is played out on the Mexican border. A man comes into town and finds two gangs in conflict. He takes employment with both of them and increases the conflict until they destroy each other.I liked the original more and I rated that o.k., so how does this one rate? Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken are obviously not my favorite actors. The film was remade into something weird and not so great. The main character is obviously not a gunslinger because it takes him like 8 shots to kill a man. He even has 2 guns! He has obviously forgotten the face of his father. All points against it. I'm rating it bad because I can be a hard-ass like that when the mood strikes me.
An American fantasy adventure directed by Rob Cohen, starring Dennis Quaid and the voice of Sean Connery.A king dies in a battle against peasants and his son is wounded. A dragon donates half of his heart to save the prince (now king) and they are linked via hearts. The new king is a merciless tyrant. A knight who was at the heart-joining ritual swears to hunt dragons and when he comes upon the dragon with half a heart, they become friends.My downloading of this film alerted Frontier that I was distributing copyrighted material. Was it worth it? No. The film is not so great. The plot is inferior and the characters are stereotypical. I never should have downloaded such mainstream Hollywood bullshit in the first place. I have a feeling that these qualities are what lead to my detection on the Illuminati's radar. Ordinarily, this would get an o.k. rating because of CG monster points (the dragon was ravishing), but under the circumstances, I was not able to enjoy it. I'm rating this bad, not because it's a bad film, but because it got me fucked over royally. You can look forward to reviews of public domain films. Also, I have a long list of DVDs that I have not reviewed yet.
A crime drama by Billy Bob Thornton.A man who had killed his mother and the man who was raping her gets out of a mental institution. He makes friends with a boy and his mother after getting a job at a lawnmower repair shop. The boy's mother has an abusive boyfriend.The plot and characters were great. The style and production value really fit the film well. I was also surprised to discover that it was all Billy Bob Thornton. The main character's speech was a large part of the film "I reckon I'd like some of them french fried taters, mmhmm.". It's a great movie and should definitely be watched if you haven't seen it. I rate it awesome.
A comedic horror directed by Lloyd Kaufman, starring Lemmy.The story of Romeo and Juliet is retold and altered into a Troma film.For those unfamiliar with Troma, it's the absolute worst film company ever. They make cheesy and disgusting horror films, relying mostly on gross-out factor with extremely low production value. This was indeed Romeo and Juliet and also a Troma film. The movie was absolutely terrible, but I think it was a unique idea, so I'm just rating it poor.
A comedic drama directe by Richard Linklater.A group of friends gathers at night outside a convenient store. One of them is a famous musician who returns to his hometown that night to see the others.Pretty much everything about this film was mediocre. The soundtrack was horribly mediocre, as it was all '90s alternative rock. The plot was the best (and by best I mean tolerable) part of this film. I'm rating it poor for being on the shitty side.
A comedy directed by Mike Nichols, starring Robin Williams, Nathan Lane and Gene Hackman.A gay couple run a drag show club. One of the men's sons will soon be marrying a senator's daughter and the girl's family decides to have dinner with the boy's family.The funny part about this is Robin Williams playing himself (a gay man). The characters were good, but the plot was a little "sitcomish". I've said that I don't take points away for openly gay movies and with this film, that holds true. I'm rating it adequate.
