Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1973)

An American drama directed by Hall Bartlett, starring Hal Holbrook and Philip Ahn.
A seagull wants to fly faster than the rest of the flock. They banish him for doing so and he meets other seagulls.
Total crap. This is one of the most boring films I have ever suffered through. The video looked like all B-roll and the voice-over was all whispered. If you want to know how to make me hate a movie, take this as an example. Critics hated it for good reason and Roger Ebert walked out of a theater because of it. Not even Plan 9 from Outer Space or Santa Claus Conquers the Martians can eject Ebert from a theater! My main complaint is that it was just so fucking boring. I'm done and rate it shit. DO NOT WATCH!

Scarecrow (1973)

An American drama directed by Jerry Schatzberg, starring Gene Hackman and Al Pacino.
A chance meeting between hitchhikers makes them friends and they travel together. Francis (Al Pacino) is smarter and has a sense of humor, while Max (Gene Hackman) is violent and moody. They are on their way to have Francis meet with his ex-wife before going to Pittsburgh to get Max's money and start a car wash.
Although mildly entertaining, this was completely pointless. It was severely lacking in plot and writing. The characters were developed well and had good dialogue. The casting worked and all of the acting was convincing. It just didn't go anywhere. If you're really into "slice of life" films by Mike Leigh and Wong Kar-wai, this would be ideal for you. As much as I like them and Al Pacino, this just didn't do it for me. I rate it tolerable.

Papillon (1973 vs 2017)

1973:
A French American adventure directed by Franklin J. Schaffner, starring Steve McQueen, Dustin Hoffman and Victor Jory.
2017:
A Maltese Maltenegran Serbian American adventure directed by Michael Noer.
a Frenchman is framed for a murder he did not commit and imprisoned in French Guiana. He tries to escape and is caught twice. His punishment is multiple years of solitary confinement. Between these events, he makes friends with another inmate who was forging financial documents in France.
Typical. This went exactly how I thought it would.
The 1973 film was pretty good. The plot and characters held my attention. The story seemed large and long, but I guess 2.5 hours fits lots in 1973. The camera-work was mostly wide shots and multiple people with backgrounds to solidify location. There was some shot variety, with close ups appropriately used. The audio was reasonably good and I could hear what people were saying. The writing made sense and seemed sincere. I would rate this adequate and say it's worth checking out.
The 2017 film was like a child's crayon drawing of a renaissance masterpiece in comparison. I wanted it to be over when it had barely even started. The characters and plot were clearly based on the 1973 film to the point of the Louis Dega character mimicking Dustin Hoffman's voice. Also, Aaron Guzikowski (2017 writer) did not like the writing of Dalton Trumbo and Lorenzo Semple Jr. (1973 writers) because so much of the plot changed over 44 years. I won't go into specifics, but a major point was the main characters carrying away the body of an executed prisoner instead of capturing a crocodile. The boat, poor village and native village section was all mixed up too. The camera-work was what I expected. New Hollywood's penchant for short edits of close ups was present. There were a few good shots, but not enough to merit identifying them.  As expected as well was the audio. I don't need to describe it anymore at this point. I rate this bad for the reasons listed above.

Hanzo the Razor series: Sword of Justice, The Snare & Who's Got the Gold? (1972, 73 & 74)

A Japanese samurai series directed by Kenji Misumi, Yasuzo Masumura and Yoshio Inoue, starring Shintaro Katsu.
Hanzo is a loose cannon petty officer with a big dick and a penchant for blackmail who has had enough of government corruption.
Sex and violence! Four and a half hours of Hanzo in one day is a little bit much. It started off great, but I was wishing it would end like 3/4 through the third film. The pacing was really moderate all the way through. There were a few sections where editing cuts picked up speed in fights and sex scenes though. The plot was basically the same through all of the films. There were different people involved in side-plots, but the main idea remained constant. The main characters were developed quite well. Hanzo himself identifies himself by his penis maintenance regimen in the beginning of each film and then goes on to have his lackeys lower a girl in a net onto him, who he spins while she hangs from a rope. The lackeys were criminals that Hanzo freed and act as comic relief. The constant villain is Magobei "snake" Onishi, Hanzo's superior officer, but Hanzo dispatches other bad guys in each film. The dialogue was all written well and crossed the language barrier decently. The actors all knew their roles and played their characters fine. Obviously, Hanzo was the best. The sets and costumes were evidently planned very well and fit the samurai genre to a T. The camera-work included lots of creative angles and shot composition. The first film even had an "inside the vagina" shot. Special effects included lots of blood, as would be expected and was definitely appreciated. The audio was mixed dynamically, with good dialogue levels and a funky psychedelic rock soundtrack. The overall style reminded me of Lone Wolf and Cub. On IMDB, Sword of Justice has 6.8/10, The Snare has 7.1/10 and Who's Got the Gold? has 6.7/10. I think these ratings are very low for such a good series. I rate this awesome for Hanzo's wang and excessive blood.

La Grande Bouffe A.K.A. La Grande Abbuffata (1973)

A French Italian drama directed by Marco Ferreri, starring Marcello Mastroianni, Ugo Tognazzi and Michel Piccoli.
Four friends who normally gather on weekends to cook together decide to eat themselves to death. They are accidentally joined by a female school teacher.
All I could think was Anthony Bourdain. The 2 hour duration went by quickly because of French guys cooking and fart jokes, even though the pacing was rather slow. The scenes were allowed to resolve themselves in their own time. The basic premise was augmented by the addition of extra characters and the Bugatti. The 4 main characters are pretty basic, but they are joined by whores and the school teacher who are also quite shallow. The dialogue initially entertained me, but as the end drew nearer, it became more serious and melancholic. The acting was done quite well. It's difficult to make eating come alive on screen. Basically, the only set was the house and the 4 main characters dressed like one would imagine French men in the '70s to dress. The whores added some color with their costumes and the school teacher's lingerie was revealing. Camera-work was a little bit shoddy on this. Under exposure ruled the roost and there wasn't much camera movement. The video was also quite grainy, giving it more of a horror feel. The French dialogue was mixed well with the single song soundtrack. What I really liked about the audio was the variety of fart sounds. The whole thing seemed kind of gloomy, but in a mocking way, which I liked. This won an award at Cannes the year it was released and was later replayed in the classics section of that festival. I rate it good, mostly for the first 3/4 of it than the last 1/4.

A Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973)

A Spanish French thriller directed by Jesus Franco, starring Howard Vernon and Paul Muller.
A young woman goes to visit her crazy family for the reading of her father's will.
I have a feeling that Jesus Franco either did not want to make good movies or had a vastly different definition of "good" from mine. The little plot there was in this mostly didn't make sense. I could positively identify two characters. Maybe more if I really tried. The pacing dragged sluggishly through even the shortest scenes. Video was artsy, but not in a good way. It seemed very much a product of the time, a '70s film to only be viewed in the '70s. The audio was in English. Soundtrack music fit Jesus Franco's style, being similar to some Russ Meyer flicks and Cannibal Holocaust. The scene depicted above was a tease. That means no, she did not use this item for it's intended purpose. Overall, just like every other Jesus Franco film I've seen. I rate this poor.

Eugenie A.K.A. Eugenia, Eugenia De Sade, De Sade 2000 (1973)

A Liechtenstein sexploitation directed by Jesus Franco.
A young woman lives with her step-father, who is an erotic writer. After she reads some of his books, they decide to murder people together.
This was not too shabby. The plot was simple, but seemed to not make much sense. Why are they killing people? The characters were developed a little bit, but I didn't feel like I knew them personally. The video was actually not too bad. Most of the shots were straight forward narrative style, but clearly showed what was going on. There were some more artsy shots that were in the right places and looked cool to me. The main attraction here is the soundtrack. Although not expansive or varied, it features a catchy theme that reminded me of Cannibal Holocaust. The bittersweet vocal melody is very similar. Overall, a decent piece of lascivious cinema. I rate it o.k.

The Hourglass Sanatorium A.K.A. The Sandglass, Sanatorium pod klepsydrą (1973)

A Polish fantasy directed by Wojciech Jerzy Has.
A man goes to visit his father in a hospital where time has been tampered with. There he meets a strange assortment of characters.
This was nearly incoherent, but I could tell that it was intentional. The viewer is supposed to feel the disorientation of the main character. Trying to write about this in a normal fashion is a lost cause. Some of my favorite sections were the woman in the upstairs apartment, the boy with the stamps and the father's bird scene. The technical aspects, although primitive by today's audio/video quality standards, were done quite well. The use of and lack of color in scenes was interesting to me because it came from the sets, lighting and costumes, rather than technical specifications of equipment. The graveyard scene stands out because of this (picture). Overall, it's a crazy film that would need to be watched at least twice to gain any understanding of it. I rate this adequate.

Don't Look Now (1973)

A British Italian thriller directed by Nicolas Roeg, starring Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland.
The daughter of a married couple drowns in a pond. The husband is then working on restoring a church in Italy when the wife meets a mysterious duo of older women. One of the women seems to have psychic powers and is predicting disaster in the family. The wife is called away back to England where her son in school has had an accident. The husband thinks that he sees the wife still in Italy, with the old women and goes to the police.
The pros outweigh the cons on this one, making it worth watching. The plot was a little confusing and choppy. There were some sections that were unclear, like the daughter's death. The characters were memorable and acted their roles very well. The dialogue seemed poorly written, though because it led to some of the plot confusion. An example of this is the Husband calling his wife at the school in England. It seemed like she was lying to him or evading his questions, but it turned out that she was being honest. Video is where this shines. The shot compositions, framing and editing were amazingly artsy. Everything from the English countryside with the pond to the ancient labyrinth of Italy looked good because of proper lighting and exposures. They used steady tripod shots and rough, handheld shots in all the right places and there was some compositing. The daughter appearing in the waters of Italian canals was done very tastefully. There was an extended sex scene which was interspersed with footage of the couple putting their clothes on. I know that it makes a bold statement, but am at a loss for what that statement is. The audio was another good point. I could hear all of the dialogue. Even though some was in Italian, it did more to establish the setting than drive the plot. The all-classical music soundtrack worked wonderfully to set the mood. Overall, watch this for the video aspect. I rate it good.

Godzilla vs. Megalon A.K.A. Gojira tai Megaro (1973)

A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Jun Fukuda.
Nuclear testing angers an underground civilization, who release a giant beetle monster. A single father, his son and gay partner have constructed a robot. The underground people abduct the son and hot-wire the robot. Eventually, the robot, homosexuals and boy all get free and send the robot to retrieve Godzilla as the underground people are calling in another monster from outer space.
I will try not to state the obvious in my future Godzilla film reviews. The plots suck, the characters are worse and the special effects are hokey. I watch them because I like to see the daikaiju monsters and because I fondly remember watching them in my childhood. This goes for all Godzilla films, unless noted otherwise.
I had trouble understanding what the characters were calling the robot. "Dag Jagula? Jag Jagua" It was Jet Jaguar. I found it odd that such an openly homosexual couple would be pictured in 1973 raising a child, but whatever. The amount of costumes, explosives and miniature models required for these films amazes me. This one had a budget of $760,000. Most of that probably exploded during filming or got crushed by something. Hence, why they like to bring back the monster costumes repeatedly. Godzilla was acted very well in this. Although devoid of dialogue, he conveyed personality and some limited range of emotion. Overall, I think this is one of the better ones. I rate it adequate.

Schlock (1973)

An American comedy horror written, directed and starring John Landis.
A prehistoric ape-man is running amuck. He kills people, plays piano and falls in love with a blind girl.
This was bad on purpose. They contrived every shot to be shitty because it's a joke about monster movies. The plot was threadbare and characters were like cardboard cutouts. The video sucked and the audio was worse. That's what makes it cool. They intentionally made a bad movie as a joke about bad movies. I give this a weird pink rating. Only watch this if you get the meta-joke.

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (1973)

A British fantasy adventure directed by Gordon Hessler, starring John Phillip Law, written, produced and with special effects by Ray Harryhausen.
Sinbad finds a golden amulet and encounters a vizier who wears a mask that also has one. After having a vision of a woman with an eye tattoo on her hand, he agrees to employ a man's lazy son and bring the man's slave girl with the tattoo. They search for the third golden amulet, but an evil magician is also looking for it.
This was fine. It had a fairly simple premise that expanded into a long plot. The characters were memorable, although slightly stereotypical. I was reminded of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) because of the three people/groups and three pieces of a magical item. Video featured Harryhausen's famous compositing and stop motion monsters. My favorite was the little homunuculus created by the evil magician. I could hear all of the dialogue and the soundtrack was appropriate. Overall, exactly as expected. I think I've watched this before. I rate it adequate. It's a good addition to my collection of similar films.

Westworld (1973)

An American science fiction written and directed by Michael Crichton, starring Yul Brynner.
A holiday resort of the future offers authentic historical destinations for guests. The resort is staffed by robots who play authentic roles. Everything is going fine until the robots malfunction.
I liked this one. The premise is entertaining and although the plot follows the universal plot outline, I found it to be entertaining as well. The few main characters were acted convincingly (2 guests and a robot in the western setting). All of the sets and costumes looked great. The camera-work was indeed "invisible". By showing the correct things at the correct times it did it's job of not being noticed and letting the story come through. The theme park setting would go on to become Crichton's claim to fame in Jurassic Park, where the plot and premise are basically the same as here. There's a wild new amusement park that offers the best fun for guests, but things go wrong and it ends up being far too dangerous. I was hoping for the ending to mimic the intro, with the main character being interviewed as he leaves and saying he had the time of his life. Overall, this was wonderful. I rate it awesome. WATCH THIS!

Bell from Hell (1973)

A Spanish drama directed by Claudio Guerin.
Someone makes a plaster or paper mache mask of their own face. A man is released from some type of imprisonment. There is also a mute girl who gets molested and an old man with glasses who will whip out the main character's dong for him on command.
I couldn't hear the dialogue and after 40 minutes of not knowing what was going on, I turned it off. When the characters' speech sounds like someone wrapped their heaviest parka around the microphone, that's not going to encourage folks to watch it. In accordance with my turnoff rule, I rate this shit.

Scream Bloody Murder A.K.A. Matthew, Claw of Terror A.K.A. The Captive Female (1973)

An American slasher horror by Marc B. Ray.
A murderous boy with an Oedipus complex kills his father and injures his hand. Years later, he is released from a mental institution and goes on a homicidal rampage.
This wasn't too bad. The plot and characters kept me interested and the sleazy '70s style was cool. The video was a tad grainy and oversaturated, but mostly correctly exposed. The audio was an absolute nightmare. Treble-biased harshness and an unfriendly soundtrack assaulted my ears. The pacing was fast enough to keep things moving, but not so quick as to keep the viewer from appreciating the scenes. Special video effects were used to illustrate Matthew's hallucinations about his mother. I think they looked creepy and fit well with the rest of the film. Overall, everything except the audio was to my liking. I rate it adequate. You may want to consider watching it.

Messiah of Evil A.K.A. Dead People (1973)

An American horror by Willard Huyck and Gloria Katz.
A young woman goes to a small town to visit her father. The father is an artist and had recently ceased writing letters to her. In the town, she encounters a polygamist and his pair of girlfriends. When people start turning into zombies, the polygamist and young woman become friends.
The plot is very vague and murky to the point of being confusing. The characters were not developed well either. Wikipedia has a pretty good writeup on the analysis of this film that you may want to read. The audio and video were decent quality and there were no mistakes. There were some good camera shots in the father's house, theater and grocery store. Because of how the bathroom in the father's house is painted, they used the background to create an optical illusion (picture). The main purpose of a film is to communicate and this one doesn't do that very well. Even though there was good camera-work, I have to rate it bad. You probably shouldn't watch this.

Medusa (1973)

A British Greek crime mystery directed by Gordon Hessler, starring George Hamilton.
Love affairs, family relations, murder and organized crime swirl in a torrid Euro-trash cesspool.
Totally gorgonless! How dare they name the film Medusa and not put her in it? What was there was a big mess of murky plot, barely identifiable characters and underexposed video. On the plus side, there was a little bit of good music and a side-boob shot. Inadequate. For the unforgivable crimes of not making sense and false advertising, I sentence this film to a shit rating. DO NOT WATCH!!!!

Hannah, Queen of the Vampires A.K.A. Crypt of the Living Dead (1973)

A Spanish American horror directed by Julio Salvador and Ray Danton.
A man is murdered and his son goes to investigate. The son finds that there is a vampire and tries to get help re-burying her.
This was muddy, murky and mucky all the way through. I could barely tell what was going on because the presentation was so bad and the plot was so vague. I suspected that the main character's girlfriend might have been the vampire, but can't verify this. The few main characters were identifiable, but the muddy plot and murky presentation prevented keeping track of them. The camera-work and camera angles were all very bad. The filmmaker has obviously not taken a photography course. I had to look this up on IMDB because Wikipedia didn't have a page for it and the page would not stop loading. I imagine that it was loading all the ads and that is what my site is designed to prevent. This is just more of that horrid public domain rough that I speak of finding diamonds in. I rate it bad for poor communication. It's best not to watch.

The Werewolf of Washington (1973)

An American horror comedy written, directed and edited by Milton Moses Ginsberg.
A journalist is sent to Budapest, Hungary at his request where he is bitten by a werewolf. Upon his return to Washington, he tries to warn his co-workers about this and is ignored.
It seemed low-budget and TROMAish, but there were some good things about it. The camera-work was great and they used focus and depth of field very effectively. The plot was very clear and most of the characters fit into it nicely. There was a midget doctor who was in the basement of the pentagon, working on a Frankenstein who didn't really fit into the plot. If I was making this, I would have included an Urotsukidoji style sex scene with the president's daughter and the transformed werewolf. The female "black panther" character definitely dressed to earn female anatomy points! The sitcomness of the humor being everyone ignoring the main character's warnings got old fast and wasn't very funny. I rate this o.k. and I think that it is meant to be mocked.

The No Mercy Man (1973)

An American action film directed by Daniel Vance.
A gang of thugs from a carnival are causing trouble in a small town. A Vietnam veteran has just returned from the war with deep mental scars. Conflict ensues.
I liked the folk song in the intro and ending: "love and lust are the same to him like being raped by the devil" "wave your medals in the wind before a plastic crowd" such powerful lyrics! In the first bar scene, a dork enters the bar full of hooligans and I thought this was very well done and showed some good contrast. The ending was extremely violent and this action escalated when the veteran decided to join the fight. Everything else was mediocre, lackluster and generic. Overall, it's a standard '70s flick with some good parts. I rate it o.k.