A British war film directed by Walter Grauman, starring Cliff Robertson.
A group of pilots must bomb an enemy rocket fuel factory.
I'm glad this was about pilots and planes because I didn't give a flying fuck about it. The plot was predictable and characters stereotypical. It was the first widescreen Panavision film, so it looked great. One thing that I noticed was a man with a very fake hook hand and some terrible compositing. When the pilots were flying, the view through the cockpit cover windows was composited poorly, but when the enemy guns were shown firing at them, it was composited extremely unconvincingly (image). I rate this polished turd poor. I could see and hear what was going on and it had a plot that I could follow. However, what was going on made me wish it were not. You probably should not watch it.
A British documentary directed by Paul Almond and Michael Apted.
Beginning at the age of 7, 14 British people are interviewed every 7 years.
This was definitely interesting. There is a 2019 film, but I was not able to find a copy. Given that I watched over 13 hours of material in a few days, I did get a little tired of repetition. If I had watched them on TV when they came out, I would have enjoyed it more and that is why the repetition was there. TV viewers are not expected to remember what all 14 people were doing for the past few chapters. I think the idea was a good one, if a little intrusive into the lives of these chosen people. I find that I share the most similarities with Neil. He was the one who was homeless before becoming a politician. I'm not saying that I am either of those things, but like him, I am viewed as an eccentric. There were some great quotes from the whole series and none of the people were boring. It was not quite as deeply informational as I would like from a documentary, but it was not completely entertainment either. There was no techno and mostly talk, so that was good. I rate it adequate and wish I had watched a few less of the episodes.
An Italian French West German thriller directed by Mario Bava, starring Cameron Mitchell.
A murderer is killing beautiful women from a fashion house.
This is why I hate watching '60s Italian horror. The plot was not communicated well and did not hold my interest. The characters included some good looking women, but none were developed at all. I haven't mentioned pacing in quite some time, but the slow pacing of this film made it nearly unbearable to watch. The video was actually the best part. They had creative camera angles and lighting, but it failed to show what was going on in a coherent manner. The audio was in Italian with English subtitles that were a little bit late. The soundtrack was very much of the time and genre and very annoying. Overall, this would be a good one to skip. Nay, a good genre, country and time period to skip because they're all like this. Same with those accursed peplums. I rate this bad. DO NOT WATCH!!!
An American sexploitation directed by Russ Meyer.
A man goes to work in a salt mine on the day of his wedding anniversary. His co-workers make fun of him and say that his wife is sleeping around, causing them to get into a fight. Meanwhile, the wife is unhappy with her husband's sexual performance and thinks that he has forgotten the date. She meets an escaped criminal and has a short, but lustful relationship with him.
This was pretty tame for a Russ Meyer flick. The plot was simple, but used the simultaneous scenes that are part of his style. The characters were not developed very well, but better than some Meyer films I've seen. It turns out that the female lead was three months pregnant during the filming. On another related note, this whole film took a total of 13 days to make. That includes writing and filming. The video was all in black and white 4:3 aspect ratio. I think they got some good shots. The ending fight was not planned well. Here we have two men with the same hairstyle, body-type and clothing fighting. The audio was standard of Meyer's work: music too loud, dialogue too quiet. Overall, there are much better examples of Russ Meyer films. I rate this poor.
An American romantic comedy directed by Russ Meyer, starring Miriam Hopkins and Ulli Lommel.
A lost young woman goes to an employment agency where she is picked up by the owner of a brothel. She meets and falls in love with a sailor accidentally. When he goes to sea, his ship sinks and he is believed to be dead.
This is not Russ Meyer's usual fare. There was no nudity. It featured a more complex plot than the few other films by him that I have seen and more developed characters. The storytelling elements were all in order and functional. The production is where we run into trouble. It was all in black and white to indicate the victorian date of the setting. The costumes were all like 16th century and the dialogue followed suit. The amount of characters, comedic element, absurdity and general chaos reminded me of Cheech & Chong. The audio on the version that I watched was really sketchy and unstable. Same with video. There were pixelations and tracking lines going across the screen. "London Bridge is Falling Down" got really old after like the 3478956th repetition. Overall, it has merits and flaws like most films. It didn't really hold my attention. I rate this tolerable.
A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Ishiro Honda.
Godzilla attacks Japan after a giant egg is found. Mothra fights and dies before the egg hatches. A pair of small women are connected to these events.
Standard issue Godzilla flick. If there ever was a standard to judge Godzilla films by, this is it. It's just cheesy enough to notice and conforms to all of the Godzilla criteria. The human drama is meaningless and the monster fight doesn't make sense. The special effects are crude, but functional. Overall, middle of the road in mediocresville. I rate this o.k. so it can blend in and normalize like it wants to.
A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Ishiro Honda.
A princess is the target of an assassin and claims to be a Martian, capable of telling the future. Ghidorah arrives and begins to destroy Japan. The fairies from Mothra's island call him to unite with Godzilla and Rodan to defeat Ghidorah.
This was pretty standard for Godzilla flicks. It differentiated from others by the presence of Ghidorah, one of the cooler kaiju monsters. The monster costumes/puppets were of noticeably poor quality and their acting lacked expression. The audio was very treble-biased and the soundtrack was repetitive. Overall, a regular Godzilla movie. I rate it o.k.
An Italian West German Spanish spaghetti western directed by Sergio Leone, starring Clint Eastwood and Gian Maria Volonte.
A lone cowboy enters a town controlled by two rival gangs. By working for both of them, he plays them against one another to their ultimate destruction.
This is Yojimbo (1961) with cowboys instead of samurais. The greatest appreciation of this can be gained by watching both films. Same goes for Seven Samurai (1954) and The Magnificent Seven (1960). They are all so good and the mirror images across the world are so similar that I can't decide if I like cowboys or samurais. The plot was good enough for a famous director to steal and get sued for, so it's good enough for me. The characters were stereotypical and undeveloped, except the main character. He was undeveloped, but showed more depth and was less stereotypical than the others. There was mystery surrounding him and his motives for his actions. The visual style featured extreme close-ups and long crane shots, which is common for Leone. The soundtrack for this is very memorable, like most of the spaghetti western genre. Being written by Ennio Morricone obviously played a large role in this. Overall, we've got a quality western with lots to type about. I rate it good.
An Italian sword and sandal action adventure directed by Alvaro Mancori and Lewis Mann.
A strongman gets mixed up in conflict after rescuing a princess. The ungrateful king orders a dragon tooth, but the hero needs the help of a witch who also wants the tooth in order to get it. Meanwhile, the royal family's entire population of their kingdom is taken hostage by a group of people who live inside a volcano.
More Italian trash. The Hercules/Maciste/etc character bends bars, breaks chains and pushes rocks as usual. At least there was a lame-ass dragon this time. The production value was extremely low, with washed out and overexposed video. The catchy theme song was the only good audio and the editing was horrific. The dragon and theme song just barely bring this up to a poor rating.
An Italian action adventure sword and sandal film directed by Piero Regnoli, starring Reg Park.
The queen and child prince of a peaceful city escape as it is taken over by a violent man. They are captured and work as slaves in a gold mine. The local strongman, Maciste, who must save them, is also captured and has his mind erased by an anklet.
And yet another sword and sandal flick. This one was pretty standard issue. It had bar bending and lifting of heavy objects. Maciste also had his arms tied to separate teams of horses in an effort to pull him apart. The only thing that set it apart was that there were some African tribesmen in one part. Maciste also does a better job of bar bending than Hercules by actually removing the bars. I found a word for this type of film: Peplum. It basically means a sword and sandal flick. I'm rating this poor because it's the same crap as the other peplums.
An Italian sword and sandal action adventure film directed by Giorgio Ferroni.
When captured by Etruscans, a Roman soldier burns his hand to demonstrate that he will not tell them anything. He learns to fight left-handed and leads the Roman troops to victory.
When I read the plot, I asked "Is that it?". It sure seemed like more happened in the movie, but so what? It's just another sword and sandal. The camera-work was alright and the fights were choreographed pretty well. I'll rate it poor instead of bad.
An Italian sword and sandal action film directed by Domenico Paolella.
A princess is captured by the Babylonians and hides her identity as a common slave. She sends for Hercules to come save her and the people of her kingdom from the Babylonian royalty who conspire against one another.
...and another one. Political intrigue, feats of strength, nobles in hiding, whatever. I don't even care anymore. It all just blends together so much that I can barely tell it's a different movie. Sometimes Hercules has a beard, but he never EVER wears a shirt. Before I go on another rant (saving that for the last sword and sandal debacle), I'll rate it bad.
A French Italian sword and sandal science fiction action film directed by Giacomo Gentilomo.
Hercules saves the citizens of a city from their corrupt queen and the aliens with whom she has been plotting to rule the world.
Another crappy sword and sandal flick. More mandatory bar bending scenes for Hercules. This time they added a science fiction element to really spice it up and make things different (sarcasm). I don't think that a long review is necessary for this type of thing. I rate it bad.
A French Italian Spanish action adventure sword and sandal film directed by Antonio Margheriti.
An evil man has the sultan assassinated and the prince and princess imprisoned. The princess escapes and is saved by the son of Hercules and his mute sidekick.
This is just like every other sword and sandal film of the '60s. Dirty looking video, horrible audio (this one had a high pitched shrieking sound throughout), light on plot and heavy on cluttered fight scenes. Having nothing good to say about it, I'll just rate it bad and leave it at that.
A Japanese American science fiction directed by Teruo Ishii.
A superhero is sent from an alien planet to prevent another group of aliens from destroying the Earth. An Earth scientist who built a rocket is captured by the aliens, who want to force him to build a rocket for them.
This was a joke. The quality was sub-par in a good way. This includes simple plot, simple characters, lo-fi '60s style and all that jazz. The science of the film is what really made me laugh. When the superhero flies through space, there is wind and when he enters a spaceship, he just opens the door and walks in. No goddamn airlocks (Aliens) or anything. He just opens the door like it's a screen door on a sunny afternoon. Aircraft speed is another thing that had me in tears. Mach 120? 91267mph? Our fastest spacecraft today go mach 25 (19013mph) to re-enter the Earth's atmosphere. This is the spacecraft with no airlock doing this AND THEN running into a space station! I have a feeling that there would be some serious problems if this was attempted with real-world laws of physics. Last bit of science fact, bending the satellite antennas on a spaceship will not cause it to explode. That would be like crossing the bunny ears on an old TV to blow it up. Ridiculous. I rate this adequate because it made me laugh. Only good for one viewing though. This picture looks too good to be true, so if it belongs to someone, let me know and I will take it down.
An Italian action film written and directed by Emimmo Salvi.
A new king is to be chosen from all the groups of people in an area. This contest brings a group of rebels into contact with the royalty against which they are rebelling. The leader of the rebels falls in love with a royal woman.
Lame, boring, poor quality, just another old movie. There was really nothing that stood out about this film to the positive or negative (and we all know how I despise mediocrity). The production value and editing were bad to the point where the video looked dirty (and not in an X rated way). The sound had similar qualities, but not as pronounced. The plot was a little murky at times and it was a little difficult to tell one gladiator from another in the ending conflict scene. The chariot action was as good as or better than Ben-Hur. I'm rating it o.k. because it was just a murky, scummy old movie.
A science fiction directed by Nicholas Webster.
Martian children are acting strangely after viewing Earth television so the Martian leaders go to Earth in order to bring back Santa Claus.
I don't know whether it's funny or scary, but it's definitely stupid. The most disturbing scene involved Santa and the Earth children pretending to laugh in an unconvincing manner. This definitely hearkens back to the laughing scene in Final Fantasy X above Luca. Another disturbing scene *spoiler* involved Santa and all the children (of Earth and Mars) "attacking" one of the martian leaders with their toys. The insincerity is what predominates the film in a matter similar to that of an old and low-budget kung-fu flick. Like an old fuvie, this film features a comic relief character who gets more deeply involved in the plot than he means to. The antagonist definitely reminds me of Richard Pryor with his thick handlebar mustache. I'm rating this poor.
A science fiction horror directed by Ubaldo Ragona and Sidney Salkow, starring Vincent Price.A strange disease kills everyone except Vincent Price and turns them into vampire-zombies.This would have worked better as an episode of The Twilight Zone. It dragged on for a little too long and got more than a little annoying. I'm rating it poor because it just wasn't good.
