American comedies directed by Kevin Smith, starring Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson and Jason Mewes.
A reluctant convenience store clerk is friends with the inattentive clerk of the video store next door. A drug dealer and his friend hang out in front of the shops. In Clerks II, the characters are at a fast food restaurant, in Dogma, the drug dealer and friend try to help a woman to prevent fallen angels from entering a church and in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, the guys outside the stores go to Hollywood to claim money for a movie being made about them.
Another set! I'm not including the animated Jay and Silent Bob film or the 2019 sequel to Strike Back. I've seen Dogma many times and Strike Back came out when I was in college the first time and my friends watched it lots. The humor in these films seems awkward, crude and irreverent, even to me. Dante gets on my nerves a little bit and Jay's jokes are only about sex and ganja. Clerks 1 being in all black and white was a little daring for Kevin Smith's first film in 1994. All of them looked fine, except that Strike Back looked a little too Hollywood to me. I rate the set o.k. and you should watch it if your sense of humor is crude and irreverent.
I am now realizing why I did not review the films I've seen so many times. It's hard to think of something to write about a movie I know so well that I can watch it in my head.
An American crime film directed by Demian Lichtenstein, starring Kurt Russell, Kevin Costner, Christian Slater, Kevin Pollak and David Arquette.
5 Elvis impersonators rob a casino. They fight amongst themselves until 2 are left. A single mother at a hotel with a thieving son falls in love with one and they leave. The other follows them, trying to get the money.
Starts strong and then dies. The plot held my attention for the first 34 minutes (the heist) and then became dull. The characters were predictable and uninteresting. Video looked exactly as one would expect a 2001 Hollywood film to look. I could hear all of the dialogue. There was some good Elvis music, but there was also rock music of the time, which was not so good. I rate it o.k. because it was mediocre.
An American musical romance directed by Vondie Curtis Hall, starring Mariah Carey and Terrence Howard.
A young singer's mother abandons her and she works her way to fame while struggling with relationships.
What a piece of crap. There is no reason for anyone to watch this, besides reviewing the worst movies ever. Even fans of her music would have been better off with the album instead. I'm not complaining about cinematography, audio recording or any mixing or editing. It all looked and sounded professionally handled. What was bad was the writing and acting. Terrible music did not help. 2 of the best insults cited on Wikipedia were "Leaves you wishing the Lumiére brothers had said bollocks to cinema and gone down the pub" and "she wouldn't let anyone around her mention the film in conversation and that it was known as "the G word"" It also says that Carey was left in complete creative control and improvised most of it. Cliche was another frequently used word there. I think that says it all. I rate it shit. NEVER EVER WATCH THIS!!!
An American comedy by Tom Green, starring Rip Torn.
An aspiring animator lives with his parents and tries to juggle finding a job and getting his cartoon idea picked up by a company.
Absurd and stupid, but funny. Critics all hate it, except A. O. Scott of the New York Times and it has pitiful scores on anything that reviews movies. Though I may have hated it when it came out, Tom Green is no longer popular and not saturating the media anymore. Given that break and putting it into perspective, I liked this. I thought standing on a conveyor belt with a sausage held to his crotch and saying "I'm a sexy boy" was funny. I liked when he grabbed the penis of the horse and the elephant and when he was trying to get inside the deer. I'm not really going into analysis of audio and video quality because I could see and hear everything. I'm not discussing plot or characters either, but the plot has almost nothing to do with the Freddy character being fingered. The review appropriate for this film is "was it funny?" and I think it was. The humor was crass, offensive and idiotic, but that's what made it good. I'm rating this good. If you did not see it when it came out and have a strange sense of humor, you may find it funny now.
A Polish American war drama directed by Yurek Bogayevicz, starring Willem Dafoe and Haley Joel Osment.
A jewish boy hides in a catholic family during World War II. He has various adventures with the other children of the village.
Normally, anything that includes "During World War II" is a terrible waste. It has all been done to death like jews in a gas chamber. This was not typical of the genre. What I found to be so different about this was first, the leisurely pace gives the viewer time to process what is going on. Having the plot revolve around a group of children during that most military of times reminded me slightly of Stand By Me (1986) and It (1990). Obviously, it lacked the carefree childhood innocence of Pippi Longstocking (1969 - 1973) and Tom Sawyer (1973). The only thing that really put me off was the amount of handheld camera shots. I prefer the stability of tripods, dollies and other supports for filming. I'm rating this awesome because it made me want to watch it again.
An American documentary directed by Peter Sutherland.
Interviews with bicycle messengers in New York City who ride fixed gear track bikes.
Amazing! The guy in the hoodie who lives in the subway made this awesome. When he shows the room that he lives in with a crackhead, it makes the film. Then he steals the other dude's cigarettes. Skeletor track-stands like a pro at every light. There's even a guy with only 1 leg who uses his toe clip to ride. This is free on youtube and if you're looking for good shit to watch, this is it! I rate this awesome. WATCH IT!!!
A British American sports action film directed by Barry Skolnick, starring Vinnie Jones, David Hemmings, Ralph Brown, Jason Flemyng and Jason Statham.
A former soccer player is jailed for assaulting police. The prison governor and an inmate mobster pressure him into playing a soccer game of guards against convicts.
I usually don't like sports films, but a British one set in prison with guys from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) and Snatch (2000) is a different story. The plot was relatively standard of the genre, but held my attention. There was a wide array of characters, with various inmates and guards falling into stereotypes that, although typical, were amusing nonetheless. I really liked Jason Statham's character of the crazy kung fu master because it fit with his role in The Transporter series. The video featured clear visibility, correct exposures and lots of fast editing cuts. The audio was terrible. All of the dialogue was whispered and the music was at least three times as loud as it needed to be. They must have learned to mix audio by watching Russ Meyer flicks. Overall, this is all about the actors from other British crime films reprising their character roles. I rate it adequate.
An American crime film directed by Frank Oz, starring Robert De Niro, Edward Norton, Angela Bassett and Marlon Brando.
A professional safe-cracker who runs a jazz club is contacted by a fellow criminal about a big job. The "inside man" works as a cleaner at the location and pretends to be retarded. Together, they work out a plan to get past a very complex security system and steal a priceless artifact.
This was pretty standard, "stock". The plot was typical of crime-heist genre films of the time. I thought the characters were cast well and their acting was convincing. The video was good quality and the editing was dynamic, changing pace with the on-screen action. The soundtrack was actually so good that I didn't notice it. Everything sounded correct at the right times and the club scenes featured decent jazz. Overall, not too shabby. I rate it adequate because it's "good enough" without going for any extra credit.
An American drama directed by Richard Linklater, starring Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman.
A man lures an old friend to his hotel room to get him to admit to raping a woman 10 years ago. Then the woman shows up.
This took too long to say too little. That would be a plot problem. The characters were believable and well acted, but I think the dialogue was too verbose. The video was all fast cuts and quick editing. It didn't let me become comfortable with any scene before moving on. The audio was not the best. The actors whispered most of the time. Overall, not a very pleasant viewing experience. I rate this poor.
An American crime romance directed by Barry Levinson, starring Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton and Cate Blanchett.
A pair of men break out of jail and rob banks. They are known as "The Sleepover Bandits" because they kidnap the bank owner the night before and politely ask for the money. A seemingly unstable woman falls in love with both of them and their getaway driver is a self-proclaimed stuntman.
Not bad. The plot had some good twists at just the right times. Characters couldn't be better. I think the casting was this film's best attribute. Video featured a little more hand-held fast camera movement than I would have liked and the soundtrack had too much pop music. I really liked the Led Zeppelin song when the main characters are using a cement truck to break out of jail. Overall, pretty decent mix of good and not so great qualities that was nice to watch. I rate it adequate.
A Japanese daikaiju science fiction directed by Shusuke Kaneko.
Godzilla battles Baragon, Mothra and Ghidorah as well as the human military. You know, just for the point of fighting.
This was terrible. It failed to catch or hold my attention in any way. Three tries and the slightest distraction was more important than this. I would chalk that up to bad directing. The modern production methods used in these newer Godzilla films make everything look fine. Even though you can still see the actor's head in Godzilla's neck, at least his breath looks good. Ghidorah is cool and I kind of liked Baragon. He's not the best monster, but I think he was acted well. Overall, one of the worst Godzilla flicks. I rate this bad.
A British German Irish American drama directed by Werner Herzog, starring Tim Roth.
A strong man joins a theater group headed by a lying magician.
This was not so great. The plot seemed to go nowhere. The 3 main characters were very well developed though. The technical aspects were great. Good camera-work, carefully planned scenes and a special effect made this beautiful to watch. So, we've got a good looking film with good characters, but a plot that goes nowhere. Looks like a good place to use a weird, pink rating to me.
An American black comedy drama directed by Wes Anderson, starring Owen Wilson, Gene Hackman, Anjelica Huston, Bill Murray, Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson and Danny Glover.
A rich family has problems. The absent dad returns pretends to be dying, a brother and sister are in love, etc...
This was very well-made. The plot was very complex and there were lots of characters. I tried to keep up, but I may have to watch it a few times to really understand everything. The video style is standard Wes Anderson awesomeness and the soundtrack is even better than the last few films I watched. My favorite scene was the grandfather - grandsons mischief montage. It must have been very fun to make. Pacing is slow, but an hour 49 is a tad on the long side. Overall, this was fun to watch and I liked it. I will be watching it again soon. I rate this best for prompting repeat viewing. Not many films can make me want to see them again. It's really something special when that happens. WATCH THIS!!!!!
A British American film noir drama directed by Joel and Ethan Coen, starring Billy Bob Thornton.
A barber whose wife is cheating on him blackmails the man she is having an affair with in order to invest in a dry cleaning business. He kills the man his wife is sleeping with in self defense and the wife gets blamed.
This was pretty cool. It would be best to watch right before or after Bad Santa (2003) to see Billy Bob in opposite roles. The plot was complex and made me care what happened to the characters. The pacing was slow and black and white video added to the style. Billy Bob's heavy narration was also a positive point. Overall, exactly hitting the mark for being good without going much beyond it. I rate it good.
A British tutorial documentary on mountain biking directed by Adam Kaleta, starring Martyn Ashton, Martin Hawyes and Hans Rey.
A trio of UK mountain bikers act out a chase scene on bicycles and then explain how to perform the moves that they used.
On tutorial films like this, I tend to evaluate the content over the production. That being said, the production on the copy that I saw was poor at best. The audio was extremely muffled and the video was a little blurry. The actual "how to" section was great. The instructors gave good advice and used humor to break up the serious learning. It was also nice to see guys doing moves like I want to learn on bicycles that look so much like my own. Modern films of this sort tend to feature guys on overly specialized bicycles performing moves that are far beyond the abilities of a hobbyist like myself. I'm rating this awesome.
An American adventure directed by Peter Hyams.A young man wants to become a musketeer. He becomes more passionate about this goal after his parents are slain. An old man who taught his father teaches the main character and he goes in search of other musketeers. The political structure of the country is in unrest and there is conflict everywhere.I had to turn this off after just over an hour. It was just so much the same as other films on the subject of musketeers and period European unrest. It seems fickle to rate a film so badly for mediocrity, but here I am doing it. I rate this shit.
An American comedy adventure by Brian Helgeland, starring Heath Ledger.A squire's knight dies and the squire stands in at a joust and wins. The 2 other squires help this one to become a fake knight.Medieval jousts did NOT start with the audience clapping and singing "We Will Rock You" by Queen. That was during the opening credits and I should have turned it off there. War's "Low Rider" accompanied knight practice in the woods and I said "you get one more chance". At a big, knightly competition, the crowd started doing that "whoo whoo whoo" cheer and that was fucking it! I turned it off and now I rated it shit.
An American psychological thriller by Cameron Crowe, starring Tom Cruise, penelope cruz, Kurt Russell and Cameron Diaz.A man gets in a car wreck after cheating on his girlfriend and after that, reality becomes distorted.This was just plot and character crazy, but the style was "new movie too perfect" all the way through. I thought the plot was interesting, but not good. The characters were likewise. I'm rating this o.k. because it's just a regular, mass produced hollywood movie.
An American drama by Jill Sprecher.A group of seemingly unrelated people in New York City live their lives around a single plot.The plot is convoluted and there are too many characters. I would probably have to watch this like 3 times to understand it completely. Watching it once with long breaks in between sessions did not lead to any type of understanding at all. The production was just short of "new movie too perfect", but I think that's just as it should be. I don't know what to make of this, so I'm giving it my new pink rating for curve-balls.
A mystery by Joel Coen, starring Billy Bob Thornton.A barber gets caught in a complex legal case involving the death of his wife's boss and a man whom the barber had just made a business deal with.The whole film was in black and white, which worked out alright. The plot was complex but the characters were extremely shallow. On an interesting side-note, Billy Bob Thornton plays a role opposite to his role in Bad Santa. In this film he doesn't drink and all of his problems are external and not his fault. I'm rating it adequate.
