The Killing of America A.K.A. アメリカン・バイオレンス, Amerikan baiorensu (1982)

A Japanese American mondo documentary directed by Sheldon Renan and Leonard Schrader.
Murder and murderers in America are discussed.
This was really nothing special. The killers were covered quickly. Lots of television footage was used, so the audio and video were both pretty terrible. There was tons of dead air noise to the point of cacophony and some of the video was so low quality that movement in it turned psychedelic. There was also a strong anti-gun message, even though most of the killers did not use guns. There was some gruesome crime scene footage, but that was tame compared to other mondo films I've seen. I rate this o.k. and would not recommend watching it.

48 Hrs. (1982)

An American crime film directed by Walter Hill, strring Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy.
Loose cannon cop, Nick Nolte rents criminal, Eddie Murphy from jail to catch other criminals.
Mediocrity... The plot was tired and stale by the 1970s. Casting stars as the cop buddies did not help much, but I like those 2 actors. Wikipedia says it might be the first "buddy cop" movie, but I find that difficult to believe. A memorable scene involved Eddie Murphy bullying a country bar full of rednecks, pretending that he was a cop "experience my bullshit". Video looked '70s and the audio was midrange-biased, exaggerating Nick Nolte's gravelly voice. There's really not much to write about a film like this. I rate it o.k.

Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam A.K.A. The Man Who Saved the World, Turkish Star Wars (1982)

A Turkish science fiction directed by Cetin Inanc.
2 men from Earth face an evil wizard.
This was like taking the worst parts of 1950s science fiction, 1960s peplum and 1980s kung fu films and turning the horrid mess into a single film. Everything about it was bad or worse. It wasn't so bad it was good or even fun to mock. It was just trash. It is listed among the worst films ever and I agree. The filmmakers were not even skilled enough to make it bad on its own, but had to infringe copyright, including (most obviously) scenes from Star Wars and music from Indiana Jones. The sword was the worst movie prop I've seen. It looked like spray painted cardboard. I rate this shit and wish I had never wasted my time watching it. DO NOT WATCH!!!!

Parasite (1982)

An American science fiction directed by Charles Band, starring Demi Moore and Luca Bercovici.
A scientist has made a parasite and become infected with one of them. He is on the run from a government agent and stops at a boarding house in a small town to attempt completing his research. Local hooligans ambush him and are infected with the other parasite.
Everyone seems to hate this, but after the crap I've been watching, it wasn't too bad. It was poorly written, slow paced and badly acted. On the plus side, the editing was slow enough for me to see what was going on, I could hear what everyone was saying and it had a premise which the sparse plot could actually live up to. The fight scenes looked terrible and unconvincing. It was too obvious that these people were not hitting one another. Although better than the crap I watched before, this is still not a good movie. I rate it poor. You probably should not watch it.

The Pink Panther Series (1963 - 1982)

A British American mystery comedy directed by Blake Edwards and Bud Yorkin, starring Peter Sellers, Herbert Lom and Burt Kwouk.
A bumbling and clumsy detective solves robbery and murder cases.
The title in order are: The Pink Panther (1963), A Shot in the Dark (1964), Inspector Clouseau (1968) see notes, The Return of the Pink Panther (1975), The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976), Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978) and Trail of the Pink Panther (1982). I tried to keep this to a coherent set of Blake Edwards and Peter Sellers films, but Inspector Clouseau accidentally got in there. It was directed by Bud Yorkin and starred Alan Arkin. More on this later.
The series as a whole was mediocre at best. I had tried to start watching them before, but the first film made no sense to me. It wasn't until film 2 that things fell into place and I comprehended what was going on. What was going on was a threadbare plot punctuated with visual gags. Clouseau falls down and breaks things for most of the duration. His next favorite thing to do is to mispronounce words and be misunderstood because of it. The cinematography was alright through the series and the audio was a little low, but not overly dynamic. I liked the accidental inclusion of Inspector Clouseau (1968) the most. Having a different director and star seemed to make it more coherent to me. Maybe I was just getting used to the pattern at that point. I also found it funnier than the others. I rate the whole set o.k. and don't really know who I would recommend it to. I do know that I would rather watch the cartoon.

Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982)

An American comedy film noir directed by Carl Reiner, starring Steve Martin.
A detective investigates the case of a woman whose father has been killed.
What makes this film unique is the use of clips from old detective movies. It was all done in that 1940s style and the old clips fit seamlessly in among the new footage. Some of the humor was funny. I think my favorite joke was the detective making coffee. There was also a running gag of him getting shot in the same location. The only other thing to note is Steve Martin with black hair. Other than what I mentioned, it was pretty mediocre. I rate this o.k.
Yes, I'm back to short reviews because writing about every film element for every movie was extremely boring for me and probably for the reader as well. Also, I'm only writing about films that I actually have something to say about.

Girls Nite Out A.K.A. The Scaremaker (1982)

An American slasher horror directed by Robert Deubel, starring Hal Holbrook and Rutanya Alda.
A student went crazy at college many years ago and has recently hung himself in a mental institution. Students are being killed at the same college and someone is making phone calls, pretending to be the dead guy from the mental institution.
Just flat-out horrid. The plot was unoriginal and barely held my attention. There were too many secondary characters, but no main protagonist. Dialogue and acting seemed like an afterthought. It all seemed poorly written and unconvincing. Sets and costumes were mundane, looking like normal students at a normal college of the '80s. Camera-work was uncreative, but I could see everything that was happening. Audio was poorly mixed. Dialogue was low and music was high. It seemed like the filmmakers were following a recipe to make a crappy horror flick. IMDb lists a rating of 4.4/10, AllMovie lists 2/5 AllMovie Rating with 1.5/5 User Ratings and Rotten Tomatoes lists 24% Audience Score for an average of 34.5%. Finally, something that I agree with internet consensus on. I rate this bad because it is. DO NOT WATCH!

Burden of Dreams (1982)

An American documentary directed by Les Blank, starring Werner Herzog.
Herzog is filming Fitzcarraldo and nothing is going right.
No wonder Fitzcarraldo is an uncomfortable film to watch. This was in 3 languages: English, German and Spanish, with no subtitles. The information was conveyed slowly. I imagine that this was intended to mirror Herzog's film production. The interviews were great when they were in English. During one of Werner's appearances, he says something about god creating Amazonia in anger because it's full of fornication and murder. Being an aspiring filmmaker myself, I could relate to his problems and his resolve to keep going despite setbacks. It was cool to see the crew filming, but what impressed me about camera-work was the divine B-roll. There were majestic shots of local wildlife. IMDb has this rated 8/10, ALLMOVIE has a 5/5 AllMovie Rating with 4.5/5 User Ratings and Rotten Tomatoes has 94% TOMATOMETER, 91% AUDIENCE SCORE for an average of 91%. I thought it was good, but not that super-amazing. I rate this adequate. Maybe you will disagree with me and should definitely watch this mega-fucking-awesome flick. Maybe the "official" mainstream movie sites know better than me. That is why I include their ratings for comparison.

Mazes and Monsters (1982)

A made for TV American adventure drama directed by Steven Hilliard Stern, starring Tom Hanks and Wendy Crewson.
A college student gets too involved in a role playing game.
This was lame, lame, LAME! The plot almost held my interest, but I could see everything coming a mile away. The characters were shallow and poorly acted. The video was full screen and a little degraded in quality. The audio was actually mixed quite well. The soundtrack was not to my liking, but I could hear all of the dialogue and the music was at an appropriate level. I can say that I liked the ending, but won't spoil it by saying why. I rate this tolerable. If there's nothing else to watch, it will kill some time.

Fitzcarraldo (1982)

A West German adventure written, directed and produced by Werner Herzog, starring Klaus Kinski.
A business man who loves opera has a plan to transport a steam ship over a mountain between two rivers in order to access rubber trees that were previously blocked.
This was weirder than it needed to be. The plot was eventful and held my attention very well. The characters were somewhat deep and very likeable. Video is where the oddity begins. Among the straight forward storytelling, we have long, artsy shots at strange times. Views of the mountainside, skies and closeups of ropes on the ship demonstrated what was going on, but were held for longer than necessary. That could be said for almost any shot in the film. The drunken cook lets his glass slide down the tilted table more times than are necessary to get the point across. They did actually drag a ship up a hill. I was wondering while watching if it was miniatures or a trick, but it was real. The audio featured only diegetic music. This lead to some eerily silent scenes that increased tension. Some of these when the native tribe is gathering around the ship worked out very well. Overall, another triumph for Herzog and Kinski. I rate this good.

Cat People (1982)

An American horror directed by Paul Schrader, starring Malcolm McDowell, Nastassja Kinski and John Heard.
A woman and her brother are werepanthers that transform after sexual intercourse. The brother gets captured by a zoo in his panther state and the sister goes to work at the gift shop when she begins a romantic relationship with the zoo's curator.
Cat people run: run like the wind! Cat people screw: screw like the wind! The plot was just cheesy enough to be cool for an '80s horror flick. Malcolm as a cat-man was definitely a good casting choice, but I would have liked more dialogue from him. Nastassja, the cat-woman seemed more like a victim of a curse than a villain/monster like her brother was. The video was done very well. Everything looked great for composition and framing. The transformation scenes were a little anticlimactic though. The audio was a tad unlevel, but nowhere near complaint level. Overall, a Babycakes reference that I don't really get. It seemed like a pretty standard '80s B flick to me. Beats me why Brad Neely would rap about it. I rate it adequate.

Les Maîtres du temps A.K.A. Time Masters (1982)

A French animated science fiction directed by Rene Laloux.
A young boy is stranded on a foreign planet. His father's dying act is to give him a communication device and tell him to hide in a nearby forest, just before their transportation explodes. The communication device is linked to a spaceship whose pilot has taken a prince and princess on-board with stolen riches. Before rescuing the boy, they stop to pick up a friend who used to live on the planet where the boy is. There, they also gather a pair of small creatures that came out of a flower.
I learned NONE of this plot from dialogue. I may as well have been watching it in French for all that I could hear. The story is actually good, but extremely complex with many characters. The animation style was unique. As Rene Laloux is known for, it's close to a traditional cartoon, but so far away. Some of the scenes lacked interest and the "camera" held a still for far too long. The variety of alien life and locations made up for this. The planet where the little boy is trapped became my favorite and him, my favorite character. He tries to survive as a helpless child in a totally alien world based solely upon the contradictory advice that comes when he has conversations with a machine he doesn't understand the purpose of. Overall, good uniqueness and bad production. I rate it awesome because I'll take unique over anything else.

Diner (1982)

An American drama directed by Barry Levinson, starring Steve Guttenberg, Mickey Rourke, Kevin Bacon and Ellen Barkin.
The plot centers around a group of young men who gather at a local diner to drink coffee and eat. One or more of them are considering marriage and one of them drinks too much.
This was like American Mike Leigh. Nothing happened! People talk about day to day life, one guy is poor and bums food and rides, etc... If you ask me, there's nothing here to review. I'm giving it a weird pink rating because it wasn't unpleasant and was made quite well, but lacked substance.

Swamp Thing (1982)

An American science fiction directed by Wes Craven, starring Louis Jourdan.
A scientist falls in love with his new co-worker just as they discover a new explosive/fertilizer. Unfortunately for them, a bad scientist wants the chemical and attacks the lab, spilling the new creation on the main character scientist. He turns into a plant man monster and fights the bad scientist with the help of the co-worker.
This was really cheesy. The video transitions included absurd wipes and the monster costume looked cheap and hokey. There were some action scenes and a monster battle at the end to liven things up, but the plot featured a heavy romantic element. Besides the wipes, camera-work and editing looked fine and fit the era and scenes. I liked the black kid character for some reason, maybe comic relief. I expected this to be "scary" or menacing/suspenseful in some way, but it was not. The monster is just too much of a hero. Female anatomy points were earned continuously by the lead actress. Her bra-less running and bathing scene looked good. This brings up a question: If Swamp Thing popped a woody, would it be made of real wood? Overall, great for retro '80s night, but nothing spectacular. I rate it adequate.

Hey Good Lookin' (1982)

An American animated comedy crime adventure by Ralph Bakshi.
A shady looking man speaks with a woman on a city street at night. He shows her a piece of a leather jacket and tells the story of the jacket's owner. The owner was the leader of a gang called "The Stompers" in 1950s New York City. The gang leader has a goofy friend, falls in love with a young woman and gets his gang into a fight with a hostile black gang from a nearby area. We are then returned to the shady looking guy and the woman and find out their real identities.
As previously stated, "Ralph Bakshi can do no wrong". I have been looking for this film forever and just recently found it. I had seen like 75% of it on youtube, with a missing middle section somewhere, but watching the whole thing is way better. The animation style is classic Bakshi and it makes use of many of his sexual and racial jokes. Apparently, it was toned down before release because of how extreme Coonskin was. The plot and characters were good, but there was some jumping around between scenes and non-linear plot. A good example is Crazy's hallucination that just pops in and leads into the climax scene. Pacing was pretty fast to fit all of this plot into an hour and seventeen minutes. Music and soundtrack fit the setting pretty well, but I would have liked a more instrumental approach than the '50s pop with vocals that seemed to be re-worked '70s style. Overall, it's Bakshi and his shit is infallible, but his other stuff is better. I rate this good. Watch it because of who made it.

The Boy God A.K.A. Roco, ang batang bato (1982)

A Phillipino fantasy directed by J. Erastheo Navoa, starring Nino Muhlach.
A boy is born and his parents are killed by a local gangster. Living with his grandmother, the boy finds that he has super strength. He uses his powers to fight vampires and werewolves in his home town and then goes on a mystic quest to reach the world of the gods.
This was very similar to kung fu of the time. The underexposed video with bad dubbing was exactly like kung fuvies. The beginning of the plot was slow to take off and the interesting middle section was over too quickly. The ending was extremely inconclusive as well. The characters were good and I liked the main character, Roco/Rocco. Overall, not a bad flick for fans of lo-fi kung fuvies. Anyone else will probably dislike it. I rate this adequate.

Rehearsal for Murder (1982)

An American made for TV mystery directed by Robert Papazian, starring Jeff Goldblum.
A theater star died a year ago and her boyfriend invites his friends to read a play that he is writing. The play turns out to be about his girlfriend's murder and he accuses his friends of killing her.
This was duller than dirt, but I liked the ending. The characters were believable and the plot twisted like a corkscrew. It was actually really well made, but I just didn't like it. It won an Edgar award in '83 (as in Allen Poe for mystery productions). Sitting through the hour plus of crap to get to the good ending was nearly intolerable and I almost turned it off. I'm giving one of those weird pink ratings here for something top quality that I just didn't like.

Oasis of the Zombies A.K.A. The Abyss of the Living Dead A.K.A. Bloodsucking Nazi Zombies A.K.A. Treasure of the Living Dead (1982)

A French horror written and directed by Jesus Franco.
After a battle during World War 2, folks go to a certain oasis seeking gold, but find zombies.
This was terrible, horrible and many other negative adjectives. The soundtrack was the worst, featuring headache-inducing repetitive organ and synth sounds that seem to never end. The video was grainy and blurry and the dialogue was at a very low relative volume. Plot was minimal, vague and murky. Characters were difficult to identify, keep track of and seemed to come from nowhere. The zombie makeup effects were pitiful and most looked like masks made out of paper mache. There was a weird shot in the beginning where the camera focused on the butts of the first 2 characters for no real reason (picture). I would rather have that ass-admiration shot on my blog and computer than the bad zombie pictures. I've said before that 4 titles means it's something special and that still holds true. This is an exceptionally bad film. I could make a better movie with my phone. In fact, I have actually done so. One of the titles reminds me of a Breaking Bad episode in which the Jessie's friends are discussing video games that include Nazi zombies. I rate this shit. DO NOT WATCH!!!!

Panic (1982)

A Spanish Italian horror film directed by Tonino Ricci.
A professor is infected with a disease that turns him into a monster. He escapes from the laboratory and starts killing people. The police and military try to track him down as his lab assistant works to find an antidote.
I could tell that this film was Italian while watching and before researching. The video was dark and the plot was shaky at best. We don't get to actually see the monster until the very end and I spent about half of the film waiting for a giant mutated rat. Since this is just one more Italian crapfactory flick, I don't see the need for a long review. I rate it bad.

Blood Tide a.k.a. Demon Island (1982)

A British horror film directed by Richard Jefferies, starring James Earl Jones.
When a recently married couple are on vacation, they go to an island near Greece in search of the man's lost sister. They find her there among the irritable locals and a treasure hunter. The treasure hunter wakes an ancient monster while looking for riches and the locals try to revert to their old ways of sacrificing virgins to the monster.
You may recognize James Earl Jones' voice, but not his appearance. This is because his most famous roles were as Darth Vader in Star Wars and Mufasa in The Lion King. He was also the voice of Ommadon in Flight of Dragons and the narrator for Long Ago And Far Away. Other than employing the talents of a famous voice actor, this film was one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever seen. It's not in the running for "worst film ever", but still, it's pretty bad. The audio was bad and much of it was in Greek(?) and there were no subtitles. The video looked like it was from 1972, not '82. The plot was stupid and full of superfluous characters and there was no style or flavor of any kind. I'm rating it shit.