American comedies directed by Harold Ramis, Amy Heckerling and Jeremiah S. Chechik, starring Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo.
Mr. Griswold tries to show his family a good time on hollidays, but things never go as planned.
Another set! I have to take these back-logged movies down as efficiently as possible. This set, like Indiana Jones, peaked in the middle. I like European Vacation most because it was still funny and fresh at that point, but without Aunt Edna. I think Edna really crapped on the middle of the first film. My favorite scene from European was shopping for Italian clothes. The French waiter mocking the Griswolds was funny and, holding a personal grudge against a douche-hound myself, seeing one jump off the Eiffel Tower was cool. Chevy Chase is an alright actor, but I liked him more in Caddyshack (1980). He seems a little too goofy in Lampoon's Vacations, but has Beverly D'Angelo to play the "straight man" for his funny man act. What really bothers me about this set is switching actors for the children in every film. They seem to be teenagers in European and it almost works, but are back to small children in Christmas. I have not included the newer films because I just plain don't like them and won't watch them (yet). I rate this set o.k. and would recommend European over the others.
A French animation directed by Jean-Francois Laguionie, starring Michel Robin.
A girl (Gwen) is adopted by a nomadic desert tribe. They live in a desert where a sky god drops items during the full moon. Gwen befriend a boy, but he is taken away by the sky god. Gwen and an old woman journey to rescue him and find a town civilization who worship a catalog.
Very strange. Imagine mixing Kirikou and the Sorceress (1998) with Chronopolis (1983). I can't really say anything about the plot because it was so sparse. The characters were shallow too. Usually, that would be bad. The animation looked amazing and the combinations of sparse images with sparse sounds reflected the post-apocalyptic desert setting very well. I don't know if the viewer is supposed to really think lots about this or take it at face value, just as a thing of beauty. It's so weird that it's hard to rate. I have to give it strange pink rating.
An Italian horror directed by Dario Argento, starring Jennifer Connelly, Donald Pleasence and Patrick Bauchau.
A teenage girl starts going to a Swiss boarding school near where murders have been happening. She finds that she can communicate with insects and befriends a nearby scientist who studies insects. With the help of the scientist and her insect friends, she tries to find the murderer.
I have never seen a movie that used music as well as this. Claudio Simonetti's Phenomena song was later covered by Rhapsody of Fire as Queen of Dark Horizons and they also did a cover of Iron Maiden's Flash of the Blade (used in 2 separate scenes!). Obviously, Luca Turilli and Alex Staropoli liked this film quite a bit. Another song to mention is Motorhead's Locomotive. I found this film a little slow and dull at times, but I was glad that I kept watching when it finished. The girl is really put through some extreme situations, but is able to call massive clouds of insects when she is in trouble. All of my favorite parts were at the end, so I won't spoil that. I rate this good and would recommend it for metal heads who like horror films.
A Chinese action comedy directed by Sammo Hung, starring Sammo Hung, Jackie Chan and Yuen Biao.
5 men go to Japan to free their friend from mobsters.
Stupid, pointless and incoherent. I watched about an hour of the 1.5 hour duration and was still lost. I have a feeling that most of the humor that may have been there was lost in translation. I didn't see much action either. In accordance with my turn off policy, I rate this shit. Do not watch!
A Brazilian Italian action adventure directed by Michele Massimo Tarantini.
A group of people crash an airplane in a jungle of ill repute in South America. The hero, whom I nicknamed "The Bone Man" must rescue beautiful women from the plane crash, a crazy Vietnam veteran, the dangers of the jungle, an indigenous tribe and an emerald miner.
This was almost so bad that it was good. Generally speaking, there was bad acting, worse special effects, lots of female nudity and no dinosaurs. The Bone Man gets dropped off from a ride on a banana truck with his box of fossils and immediately gets into a bar fight. Once he is in bed, he is visited by the woman whom he was protecting at the bar, sex scene. This woman had some strange looking nipples. They stuck out and were really puckered. Then he walks in on the professor's daughter in the shower. When the plane crashed, I thought "well, at least he packed enough fresh poontang to last the trip". The actual plane crash was accomplished with a model plane into a pond with some small plants. This was supposed to look like crashing into a jungle. The closest thing to a dinosaur were some footprints and the indigenous tribe's shaman, who dressed in a tricerotops mask and "dinosaur-like" gloves. I would recommend watching this with a friend so you can mock it. I rate it poor because it was almost bad enough to be good.
An Italian adventure directed by Mario Gariazzo.
A girl is visiting her parents' plantation in the Amazon after attending school in England. While traveling by boat on the river, her parents are killed and she is taken to a native village.
The hour and a half duration seemed a little shorter because of the relatively quicker pacing. The simple premise lead to a simple plot with only 2 unexpected twists. This is called poor writing. There seemed to be only 2 characters: the white girl and the headhunter who loves her. He tries to impress her and she can't forgive him for killing her parents. I liked that the native speech was not subtitled to give the viewer the same disorientation as the main character. Acting seemed pretty basic and lacked expression of emotion. Rain forest filming locations and the village looked authentic as well as the costumes. It was interesting that all the women were topless, but the main character's boobs were like mosquito bites. No female anatomy points earned there. A special effect worth mentioning is when a man is swimming and is bitten in half by an alligator. The guts in that scene looked very realistic. I did not enjoy the audio. The main character's narration (most important information) was mixed much lower than sound effects and music (not important). This reinforces my long held opinion that filmmakers tend to make the most important information quietest and the least important loudest. I could tell that this was trying really hard to copy Cannibal Holocaust (1980). The music was a dead giveaway. This has a 4.5/10 on IMDB and 42% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes. I agree that it's not a very good movie, but 43.5% average is a little harsh. I'm rating it o.k. because it was mildly entertaining and would be fun to mock.
An American horror written and directed by Tom Holland, starring Chris Sarandon and Roddy McDowall.
A teenager seeks the aid of a movie star when he learns that his new neighbor is a vampire.
This was alright, pretty stereotypical of '80s horror. The plot held my interest, despite being exactly what I would expect from the time and genre. I like that time and genre, so it was fine by me. The characters fit those stereotypical roles of '80s films. We had the straight man hero, his girlfriend and the wacky sidekick, along with the washed up film star and charismatic vampire. You will recognize Prince Humperdink from The Princess Bride (1987) as the vampire. The role that interested me most was Jonathan Stark as Billy Cole. His character had few lines, but conveyed a sense of impending doom and menace very well. The video was pretty standard, just showing what was happening without too many creative shots. The special effects were handled quite well. They let you know the fantasy element of this horror film without going over the top. Audio was good because I could hear what everyone was saying and the music was at correct levels. Overall, a pretty decent '80s horror flick. I rate it adequate. You might want to check it out.
An American horror directed by Dan O'Bannon, starring Clu Gulager, james Karen and Don Calfa.
A warehouse worker accidentally releases a zombie gas. The mortician across the street and a group of punks are caught in the aftermath.
This was actually cool. I watched it with and without director's commentary. The plot was relatively simple, but that tends to work for horror films of the zombie sub-genre. The characters were varying degrees of shallow, but were acted decently. Female anatomy points for the naked punk girl. The main thing is video. How do we make half a dog? The Tarman (picture), the torso and head corpse that speaks, etc... Special effects were done quite well. I was amazed to find that the Tarman was a person in a costume. The limbs looked so thin and skeletal! The audio featured audible dialogue and a soundtrack of rock, punk and metal tracks from the time. Overall, a fun horror flick that only gets better when you hear the director tell how everything was done. I rate this good.
An American romantic comedy directed by Rob Reiner, starring John Cusack and Daphne Zuniga.
After a failed attempt at romance with a female classmate, a male college student finds himself sharing a ride with the girl who turned him down. They are both on their way south to where his friend has arranged a hot date and where her boyfriend is. Not everything works out as planned and they struggle most of the way there.
This was made back when Reiner was earning the reputation that got him hired for his more recent disasters. The plot made sense and held my attention. Never mind that it took me about four tries to get through the whole hour and a half duration. My schedule just turned into a nightmare. We see the characters engaged in multiple types of conflict such as vs. nature, other characters and seemingly, the rest of the world. The characters were developed well. Right from the beginning they are in-character, well acted and demonstrating their personality traits. By the end, the viewer will feel like they actually know these characters personally. I feel that this film was preparatory work for Daphne Zuniga to develop her Princess Vespa personality for a future roll in Spaceballs. The video style was straight forward storytelling, without much b-roll or artsy shots. That ended up working out well and showing the story very clearly. The audio did have some issues. There were some sections of dialogue that were noticeably quieter than the rest. Of course, these contained the most important plot points. Overall, a pretty decent '80s flick that was kind of fun to watch. I rate it adequate.
A British comedy drama directed by Nicolas Roeg, starring Tony Curtis and Gary Busey.
Joseph McCarthy visits Albert Einstein at a hotel room with threats of preventing his speech the next day. During the night, Marilyn Monroe visits to discuss relativity, but is interrupted by her husband, Joe DiMaggio.
This was all "WTF?" moment, nothing else. The plot made sense on a very shallow level of people in the hotel room, but there were flashbacks and hallucinations mixed in as well. The characters were played convincingly. The video looked really good for 1985 and the special effects were expertly done. The audio was not so hot. It was overall a little quiet and some of the dialogue and music got lost, but other sections were normal volume. I rate this adequate because it was expertly crafted, but not quite coherent.
An American French Japanese animated fantasy directed by Bernard Deyries and Kimio Yabuki.
Spring doesn't come on schedule because bad stuff is happening. Rainbow Brite teams up with a boy on a mechanical horse to defeat an woman who wants things.
Terrible! Horrid! The people who made this must have known that they were creating a monster and done it anyway. This is one of the worst films ever made. There is no premise and the plot doesn't make sense. The characters are terrible and the animation style is so "normal cartoon" that it can't be complimented in any way. I seriously wish I had not watched this steaming pile of feces. I rate this shit. DO NOT WATCH!!! It's not even o.k. to torture your enemies by making them watch this!
A Japanese American daikaiju science fiction directed by R.J. Kizer and Koji Hashimoto.
Godzilla arises from the ocean and begins destroying Japan. The only American journalist to survive his previous attack is called in and a small team work on using bird sounds to lure him into a volcano.
This was no good. The plot failed to hold my attention and there were too many characters. Godzilla was badly acted and the overall presentation was seriously lacking. Overall, not worth watching. I rate this bad.
An American war comedy directed by John Landis, starring Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd and Bruce Davison.
An inept duo of government agents are caught cheating on a test. Because of the need for a decoy mission, they are promoted and sent to the border of Russia. There they meet the real mission people and generally get into trouble.
This was a classic "buddies" style movie. Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase made a very well balanced comedy team of straight man and funny guy. The humor was mostly situational, with some slapstick thrown in for good measure. The "cheating on the test" scene was hilarious. The copy that I saw was a panned and scanned full screen, but it's not like this is an art film. Overall, I thought it was funny. I rate it adequate.
An American adventure directed by John Landis, starring Jeff Goldblum, Michelle Pfeiffer, Richard Farnsworth, David Bowie and Dan Aykroyd.
A man cannot sleep and hates his job. He goes home early one day to find his wife in bed with another man. On the advice of a friend, he goes to the airport on his way to Las Vegas, but encounters a woman there who is in trouble and saves her life. She keeps asking him to help her and he ends up going along for an exciting adventure.
This was pretty cool. It started off as Office Space (1999) and turned into After Hours (1985) before becoming it's own thing. The complex plot was very clear. The characters were not developed very much, but good anyway. The main character's stoicism seemed to melt away as the plot progressed. The video had lots of very dark sections, as Landis has done with his other films. The audio was decent. The dialogue was all audible, but the music seemed inappropriate at times. There were some high quality female anatomy points earned by the woman on the boat (picture). Overall, it held my interest and I liked it. I rate this good.
An American musical fantasy directed by Harry Harris, starring Sammy Davis Jr.
Alice's classic adventure in Wonderland is told.
Making this a musical was a terrible idea. The other terrible idea was the costume design. Everything seemed like it was thrown together on a low budget without any planning. The musical numbers were annoying and the actors' faces sticking out of the stupid costumes looked foolish. The plot was mostly based on the 1951 Disney film, but included some parts of the book that weren't in the Disney version and also left out some that the Disney version included. Overall, it was unprofessional and I didn't like it. I rate this bad.
An American science fiction by Don Dohler.
An alien lands on Earth and is hunted by a gang of rednecks who want to sell it. A teacher and one of his former students enlist the help of the daughter of one of the rednecks to save the alien from them.
This was definitely unique. I liked the vague and muddy plot because I feel that it accurately portrays how a lone alien would be treated on his visit to our planet. The soundtrack was also not too shabby, with stylized synthesizer music in a classic science fiction type theme. What was bad was the acting, editing and general production value. It looked like some dude filmed it on a camcorder with the help of his friends and neighbors. This is a prime example of a good idea with poor presentation. I'll rate it o.k. for the above stated reasons. You may want to watch it if you're really into independent films.
A Chinese kung fu crime drama written and directed by Godfrey Ho.
A woman hunts down the 3 men who raped her and her ex-husband gets involved while a group of ninjas watch and wait for the right time to attack them.
Holy muddy plots, Batman! This thing sucked the big one, but I don't care because as soon as I saw the words "Godfrey Ho" cross my screen, I busied myself with writing guitar parts and barely paid any attention to the movie. Why is it that there are European/American ninjas in these Chinese flicks? Reality check on line #1 for Godfrey Ho: Ninjas are Japanese. Static characters, no style, at least I could see what was going on, blah blah blah. I'm rating it poor.
A science fiction directed by Charles Band.In the future, a police detective hunts zombies. He is sent to the past to kill a man who makes zombies (who is also from the future) and save another man (yeah, future too).There are 6 films in this series, but I was unable to obtain the rest. It looks very Full Moonish because the production value is low, but the plot and characters are good. The style was somewhat lacking, but for mid '80s Full Moon, that is to be expected. The pacing was quick and kept my attention. I'm rating this good just because I like the Full Moon company.
A science fiction horror directed by Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna.A pair of scientists discover a chemical formula for restoring life to dead things.The sequels are Bride of Re-Animator and Beyond Re-Animator. I watched the first 2 films, but wouldn't watch the 3rd because the first 2 were just so gross. They were very dark and by the end of the 2nd, there were all types of re-animated mutants: really disgusting. When I watch horror films, I want to see aristocratic vampires delicately sucking the life from innocent young girls. I want to see poorly made and comical hand puppet monsters, not way too graphically created gross-out factories. There was one thing that I liked and that's what the picture is. The guy with glasses puts some fingers and an eye together and hits it with zombie juice. I thought it was almost cute. I'm rating this bad because I didn't like it.
A drama directed by Sydney Pollack, starring Meryl Streep and Robert Redford.A woman from Denmark marries a friend who she doesn't love and they move to Africa together to grow coffee. The local tribe work on the coffee plantation and the husband is always away hunting. While alone on the plantation, the woman receives male visitors, one of whom she falls in love with.At about two and a half hours, this isn't just something to watch quick and forget. The characters and plot are good and I like the ups and downs of the woman's relationship with the African tribe. The style was good and there were many good outdoor shots. Sadly, there were some shots that looked like they were a primitive attempt at CG, with people standing in front of a screen to imply where they were. The pacing was obviously slow, but not too bad. I'm rating this adequate because it had enough good qualities to avoid being just o.k.
