An American horror comedy directed by John Cherry, starring Jim Varney.
A garbage man accidentally wakes an evil troll and must help his friends to defeat it.
When I saw this as a kid, I wanted to see all the black and white films whose clips were in the intro. Now that I've seen them, I wish I hadn't. They are all terrible movies. This film is not quite as good as Goes to Camp (1987), but still funny. The late '80s and early '90s was THE time to make movies. This looked good (we all know what ingredients that takes) and sounded fine. I was amused by "authentic Bulgarian miak" and Ernest hugging the trolls. It's best to not think or write too much about this. Digging too deep would probably expose more flaws and I still like it with what I know now. I rate it adequate. You might want to watch it.
An American horror directed by Francis Ford Coppola, starring Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins and Gary Oldman.
We all know the Dracula story.
Another good one in a row. Also very easy to mock: Francis For Crappola made Shaft Stroker's Jackula. Casting was perfect on this. Unbeknownst in 1992 was the fact that the leading couple would be paired again in Destination Wedding (2018). I have generally believed that children from this fictional union would be great actors. Visual effects were great, camerawork and editing looked good. I'll stop. I rate this best Watch it!
A British American horror written by Stephen King, directed by Stanley Kubrick, starring Jack Nicholson and Scatman Crothers.
A writer gets a job as winter caretaker for a large, rural hotel. He brings his family, but goes insane and tries to kill them.
I can't believe I haven't written about this yet. Stylistically, it is very much of the time when it was made. It used lots of 1970s wide framing, but also had closer shots. I read the book as well and was disappointed that the moving animal-sculpted topiary was excluded. Also excluded were scenes of the family going into town. The references in Ready Player One (2018) were right on the mark for good scenes, with exaggerations of large figures over the hedge maze. I think the blood hallway was very effective. One more reference to redrum or Jack Nicholson's dialogue as he uses an axe on a door will push me over the edge. I've also reviewed Room 237 (2012 documentary) here. You should probably read that as well and maybe watch it before The Shining. Searching for an image to go with this makes me question again: why can't anyone post movie images in the original aspect ratio? I rate this good for cinematography (how could Kubrick fail? oh yeah, 2001 Space Odyssey) and casting.
An American blaxploitation horror directed by William Girdler.
A minister visits Africa and unleashes an evil spirit. The spirit possesses a woman from his church.
Terrible. It failed to hold my attention in any way. The audiuo and video were some of the worst. All grainy, fuzzy and pixelated video with old kung fu style clipping audio. The only interesting comment that I can make is to compare black and white possession. Honky possessed women sit around in bed, waiting for the exorcist to show up. They may puke pea soup and jill off with a cross, but can easily be found. This black woman took off. She was hitting the town, going to bars and seducing men. I rate this bad because it was painful to watch and I was counting down time until the end. However, I could hear and see it and understood what was happening. Don't watch it.
An Italian Giallo horror directed by Lamberto Bava.
A musician is working on a film score for a horror film. People start disappearing around his rental house and seem to have been murdered.
Really trashy. The plot failed to hold my attention and I didn't care what happened next or to the characters. One point that was not explained was the reason for all the nudie magazines. Video was alright, but the English dubbing was cited as "some of the worst to be inflicted upon any giallo" (Howarth 2015). It sounded worse than some 1930s films. The soundtrack was pretty creepy and sounded good. It reminded me of the Phenomena (1985) theme, but obviously not as good or long. This film illustrayed many of the reasons why I tend to dislike Italian cinema. I rate it bad. Don't watch it.
A Japanese cyberpunk horror by Shozin Fukui.
A man is ejected from a company for not being able to maintain a constant erection. His memory has been wiped and he wanders the streets until he meets a woman who draws maps for people with no memory. The man's memory returns and after people from the company try to capture him, he returns voluntarily.
Very strange. It reminded me a little of Tetsuo: The Iron Man (1989) because the plot was very vague, but I knew something odd was happening. I would have liked the characters of and relationship between Pinocchio and Himiko to have been developed a little more. The video and audio seemed like a Japanese version of TROMA. I guess that's their take on cyberpunk. Some of the visuals were pricelessly unique, but most of it was terrible. The copy that I got looked like the video was vertically compressed into 16:9, but that may be intentional for all I can tell. I really like it because of how strange it is, but it was just not good. I give this a weird pink rating because it would be unhappy with any other.
American horror films mostly by Don Mancini and David Kirschner, starring Brad Dourif.
A murderer is shot by the cops and uses voodoo to put his soul into the body of a doll. The possessed doll is trying to put his soul into a new human body.
Entertaining is the best description for these. The plots were all along the same lines, but showed a little bit of variety. The first two (1988 & 1990) were my favorites because they were the originals and fit together well with plot, characters and the Andy Barclay actor, Alex Vincent. The other characters came and went, but of them, Jennifer Tilly was most memorable because she was Chucky's bride. The first film was "scariest" because it was more serious and the premise was still fresh. All of the gags, tropes and cliches had not been overused yet. I can still remember the scene when Andy's mother finds that the doll has no batteries in it. As the series went on, humor made more of an impression than horror. Nobody is going to be afraid of the killer doll after the novelty of the gimmick has worn off. Like most horror film villains started in the '80s, Chucky seems immortal. He is repaired, reshaped, repossessed, reincarnated, etc... His motivation is better than Michael Myers of Halloween because he is trying to put his soul in a human body. Unfortunately, like Michael, he just kills anyone anywhere. If you like Nightmare on Elm Street, Critters, Hellraiser, Leprechaun, Puppet Master and Wishmaster, this is another good series to watch. I rate it awesome because although the films declined in quality over time, I still liked the foul-mouthed doll killing people. Watch it.
A Canadian horror directed by Warren P. Sonoda, starring Ron Perlman.
A group of 5 girls are the first class of a catholic school where a girl disappeared 5 years before. The headmistress is trying to sacrifice them to bring back the missing girl.
Terrible. When I'm counting down minutes until a movie ends, it's really bad. The plot was basic and not very interesting. The characters were underdeveloped to the point that it was not made clear that one of the girls had an eating disorder until she became posessed. Video was alright, but there was too much CG. Some physical effects mixed in would have blurred the line between live action and digital effects, but nobody does that. I want page views, so here's some tits (image). Audio was muffled, compressed and bass-heavy. It may have just been the copy I got, but I think there were original master copy mixing issues as well. If you like The Craft (1996) and Stigmata (1999) and want to know what would happen if they mixed and turned to crap, this is it. I rate it shit. Do not watch!
An American slasher horror by Rob Zombie, starring Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Brad Dourif, Danielle Harris and Scout Taylor-Compton.
The continued story from the 2007 film. Michael's younger sister (who supposedly killed him in the first one) is having mental issues. Michael is alive and back in town as well.
This was very much like the 2007 film, but not as good because it lacked the back-story section, which was the only part I liked from that. The plot mostly made sense, but it lacked the character development of its predecessor. Really, I found it boring and predictable. I saw every kill coming from minutes away. The video was not as good either. There were some dream/hallucination scenes which looked good, but some of it was cut so quickly that it was almost coruscating. I didn't get the thing with the white horse, except that Death rides a white horse. It must really be that simple because the rest of the movie was. The soundtrack featured an extremely wide range of music, but some of the sound effects were really annoying. There was also lots of shouting and crying in the dialogue. How many times in a row must a character say "fuck!" before the audience gets that they are unhappy? I'm keeping this to complete my Rob Zombie film set (more of that soon), but I wouldn't recommend it unless you HAVE TO watch full sets, regardless of varying quality. I rate it o.k. and it should only be watched right after the 2007 film.
An American slasher horror by Rob Zombie, starring Malcolm McDowell, Tyler Mane, Scout Taylor-Compton, Brad Dourif, Danielle Harris and William Forsythe.
Zombie's take on the Michael Myers story includes the background of the killer. He came from a family which had a negative influence on him and was mistreated at school. He killed his family and was imprisoned in a sanitarium before escaping to return to his hometown.
This was worth watching. I liked the back-story part most (about the first hour) because it had a more engaging plot and developed the main character. That being said, I don't think that Michael Myers is a very good horror film villain. He's crazy and he kills and that's it. Angela from Sleepaway Camp is more my style: she kills anyone whom she believes to be misbehaving. There's some discrimination and reason involved. Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street only kills Elm Street teens and uses dreams to do it. Typical of Rob's other films, the video was done quite well. There tends to be lots of contrast between scenes and this was emphasized in this film with the ultra-bright psyche ward against Halloween night. Audio was actually good. There's not much to say when it all sounds correct. I would say this is slightly above average and worth watching. I rate it adequate.
An American horror by Rob Zombie, starring Meg Foster, Richard Brake, Judy Geeson and Malcolm McDowell.
A group of traveling circus workers are abducted in a desert. Their captors force them into playing a game in which they must survive in a maze for 12 hours while hired murderers try to kill them.
Very very Rob Zombie. The plot was typical of the horror/gore/slasher genre and the characters were not really anything special or different. They definitely were not developed well. Does Richard Brake (image) look like a young Billy Bob Thornton? What was developed was sick humor, tension and blood. I think that should be obvious and expected of Rob Zombie at this point. Video was great. There was a variety of shot angles, proximities and lengths. Audio was good, except some whispering. It seems kind of weird that Rob Zombie (metal musician) would use mostly classic hard rock in his soundtracks, but maybe he grew up listening to it like most metal guys. If you like Rob Zombie films, you will like this. Just don't expect anything different from his other films. I rate it adequate for being well made and enjoyable, but predictable.
An American horror directed and produced by William Castle, starring Charles Herbert, Margaret Hamilton and Donald Woods.
A family inherit a rich and eccentric uncle's house. The house is supposedly haunted and comes with a maid who had been helping the uncle in his ghost research. The lawyer who informs the family is looking for money, which the uncle hid.
This was pretty hokey, but better than most modern trash. I would much rather see old double exposures, physical effects and editing tricks than CG ghosts that look like a video game. The simple plot did actually hold my attention and the characters were acted well. I could hear all of the dialogue and everything was clearly visible. This is important because some horror films from the late '50s and early '60s used underexposure to make it look darker and hide physical effects. This film doesn't really require a long review. I rate it adequate because it was hokey, but entertaining. You may want to check it out if you're into cheesy, not-scary horror flicks.
A German Canadian American action horror directed by Uwe Boll, starring Clint Howard and Jürgen Prochnow.
Young people go to an island where a party was happening, but it has been disrupted by zombies. The outlaws who gave them a boat ride there and the cops chasing the outlaws are also drawn into the events.
I never want to see another slow motion bullet or fight move with the camera circling around what is depicted. Sadly, I will see these things again. I will also again regret watching a film based on a video game. This seemed like a 1980s campy horror flick done with 2000s technology. That is a very bad thing. At least in the '80s it seemed genuine. By 2003, characters should know to avoid blue smoke and fog at any cost. We also all know that jumping while shooting makes the bullets do more damage. I am so tired of writing about crappy movies when nobody reads it. I rate this bad. Really, don't watch it.
On a lighter note, I found an alphabetical list claiming to be every film ever made with title and year. Since I had been working on making a "movies to watch" list for so long and it has gone in so many directions that I no longer care what is on it, that is what I shall be using.
An American horror thriller directed by Morgan J. Freeman, starring Mischa Barton.
A football star returns to his hometown from college with a new girlfriend. The old girlfriend had to stay there and wants him back at the cost of the new girl.
Really cheesy and stereotypical. Otherwise, I'm stumped. I can't think of anything that was really bad about this, but there was definitely nothing good. Predictable. It was on a list of the "worst films ever", but was too mediocre to be there. I rate it tolerable. There are so many better films around, watch them instead.
An American science fiction horror directed by J.S. Cardone, starring Louise Fletcher, James Hong and Miguel A. Nunez Jr.
A NASA captain is sent to a laboratory to examine a sleep experiment because one of the patients has died. A monster from another dimension gets loose in the facility and starts killing people.
More one-off Full Moon trash. Pick a film element... it sucked. I really don't feel the need to explain everything that was bad when it was almost everything. The sets were better for this than most trashy science fiction horrors. The building looked industrial and the gadgets looked scientific. There was female nudity (image), but also full frontal male nudity (no image). I rate this bad because it was a waste of time.
An American Full Moon science fiction horror directed by Peter Manoogian, starring Sam Hennings.
A scientist arrives in a secluded rural town for a meeting about meteorites. One of the residents presents him with a similar item which turns out to be a seed. One of the seeds has sprouted and is taking over people's minds.
This was pretty standard for the company and time. The standalone films made by Full Moon were not usually very good. Most of them (like this one) were under-budgeted, poorly written and had bad acting. The video quality was also usually poor. The only interesting fact was that one of the seed monsters was played by a man with no legs. There is really no more to say about this. I rate it poor and you probably should not watch it.
An American horror remake directed by Travis Z.
A group of young people are vacationing at a cabin in a rural area. There is a disease in the water which destroys their skin.
I liked the 2002 version directed by Eli Roth much more. What I liked most was the ending with a truck full of water from the lake leaving town. This one was just too simple, with everyone just freaking out and dying and that was it. The production looked good and the audio was mixed well, but the soundtrack music was really annoying. Beer was a real issue in this. There seemed to be only and always 2 6-packs on hand. The 6s were bought at the store, the group had their party and then one of them took the same 2 6 packs into a shed to hide from whatever was going on. The only thing that I really liked about this was the sick dog (image). I think that leaving out the open ending really ruined this film. I was looking forward to it all the way through. I rate this poor because it's just not worth watching.
A Chinese horror directed by Juno Mak, starring Chin Siu-ho, Kara Wai Ying-hung and Nina Paw Hee-ching.
An ex-actor moves into a large apartment building for poor residents. When he hangs himself, he is saved by a vampire hunter who dispels ghosts from his body. A woman in the building is turning her dead husband into a vampire with the help of another resident. There is also a mother with a young boy living in an electrical room.
This was interesting and held my attention, but not like super-fantastic. The characters were great, but the plot was muddy and not clearly presented. The camera-work, editing and special effects looked awesome. I would propose the analogy of great food with no plate. It didn't help that I watched a version with hard-coded Czech subtitles and had another set of English subtitles playing over them. I won't spoil the surprise ending, but the final conflict scene was amazing. I rate this adequate.
A Thai horror directed by Chookiat Sakveerakul.
A girl's parents are killed and she goes to live with her aunt who runs a paper mill. There, she gets a job as nanny for the aunt's grandson whose previous nanny disappeared. He says there are ghosts in the house.
Amazing! I don't usually get scared by movies, but this one had me pretty anxious. Between writing, casting and acting, the characters worked very well together in the story. The video editing was not like modern American horror, it used longer takes and wider shots. There was some handheld camerawork, but it all made sense together without turning into a flickering blur of underexposed close-ups like American filmmakers would have done. There was some real tension built and even though there was only 1 "scary part" it lasted like 20 minutes. When the boy is in the cupboard and... No, I won't spoil that because you should watch this. This is the best horror I've seen in a long time. I rate it best. Watch it if you're not afraid...
A Thai horror directed by Peter Manus, produced by Prachya Pinkaew.
Teen students find that if they dial a phone number of all 9s, they can ask for something and have their wish granted. Unfortunately, they die soon after.
This reminded me of another Asian film about mobile phones, but I can't remember it at the moment. The plot and characters were relatively shallow, but the death scenes were bloody and brutal. All of the deaths involved what was wished for, so the fat kid who wished to lose weight had his intestines torn out during his scene, etc... I don't want to spoil those too much because they are the only reason to watch this. Camerawork and editing looked pretty good and fit the story. One of the girls is in a panic and the editing cuts very rapidly as she moves around. I rate this adequate. It held my attention some and was visually appropriate for the plot.
