Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The Magic of Belle Isle (2012)

An American drama directed by Rob Reiner, starring Morgan Freeman and Virginia Madsen.
A retired writer of western novels moves into a house next door to a single mother with three daughters. The middle daughter wants him to teach her how to write.
Sappy-crappy! It was so sickeningly sweet that it almost made me spew. The plot followed the most sentimental and heart-warming path available. The characters were all basically female, including Morgan Freeman, but not the dog. The dog demonstrated male gender identity by licking it's own penis. Freeman played the kind, crippled, de-sexed and harmless old man who can barely raise an argument, let alone his cock. The video looked like Reiner said "Let's make a chick flick!". Don't get me wrong. Everything looked fine and it was actually done quite well, but in a namby-pamby type of way. Audio followed suit, but very quietly. I wanted Beatrix Kiddo to show up with her Hanzo sword and demonstrate for all of them what a real woman is. Or maybe Lieutenant Ripley in the power loader, wielding a grenade launcher/shotgun/flame-thrower and being chased by swarms of savage Xenomorph XX121s. Overall, cry me a fucking river, you pansies. I rate this bad because I hated it.

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