An American romance directed by Nicole Kassell, starring Gael Garcia Bernal, Rosemarie DeWitt, Romany Malco, Treat Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, Peter Dinklage and Kathy Bates.
A woman finds that she has cancer and falls in love with the doctor.
This was on a list of worst movies ever made, but I have seen far worse, and tons of them. Rotten Tomatoes has it at 4% and Metacritic has 14%. Sure, it was shallow and vapid. The writing and dialogue were terrible. The acting seemed forced and the camerawork and editing looked like the filmmakers thought it was better than it actually was. So great movies like The Breakfast Club (1985) are going along great until the sappy, crappy ending. This was sappy and crappy most of the way through with an amazing ending. I'll just go ahead and spoil it: the woman dies and all of her friends and family have a party "Yay! She's finally dead!" I was thinking it was totally trite until that point. The name of the film comes from one short scene in which a male midget prostitute is hired for the woman with cancer (image). I rate this tolerable because of the ending. You probably should not watch it, though.
An American crime comedy directed by Arthur Hiller, starring Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder.
A blind man (Pryor) and deaf man (Wilder) are the only witnesses to a murder. The cops arrest them, but they escape and encounter the real murderers, finding that a gold coin which was dropped in their tip jar was in dispute. They must avoid the cops until they can locate the real criminals.
I thought this was funny in some sections. I also thought it was very standard of the place and time. A good example of this is knowing when the car chase was done because the chase music stopped. It's just all so obvious to anyone who grew up watching late '80s and early '90s movies. Come to think of it, this would have been at home, even in the 1970s. Both actors would have been around and the plot is not specific to 1989. I really like the combination of Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. Their comedy duo worked great in this film because they can both act foolishly and make it seem sincere. The immature chief cop was a character which most folks would not write about, but I found him to be acting rather childishly. "We went to all this trouble to catch them and now you're telling me I can't shoot them?" This was right after a regular deputy has to tell him that the real criminals have been caught. I rate this adequate because I found some of it funny. Watch it if you like comedies made in this era.
A Japanese animated musical fantasy directed by Taiji Yabushita and Daisaku Shirakawa.
The "Journey to the West" story. Goku commits a transgression in heaven, is punished and journeys with his friends to earn honor.
Proto-Dragon Ball! I know it's a traditional Japanese story, but the similarities to the modern anime series are too many to ignore. That's Goku with the power pole and flying Nimbus (image) and Oolong wants to marry a girl, but Goku saves her and takes Oolong with him. It's listed as one of the 50 worst films of all time by someone, but I've seen that list and their taste in movies sucks. I've also seen "best movies" lists filled with worthless crap though. I thought the animation was a little standard, even for the time it was made. Disney was doing cell animations in the 1930s and that's what this was. Obviously, I liked the plot and characters. It's not a traditional Japanese story just arbitrarily. A story has to be good to last a few hundred years. The music mostly sounded too Americanized to me, but it wasn't bad. I watched the version with subtitles and original Japanese audio. There is an American release version with English speaking voice actors and different music. I say it's a perfectly fine movie because it was entertaining, held my attention and made me think of Dragon Ball. I rate it good.
An American drama directed by Jerry Schatzberg, starring Gene Hackman and Al Pacino.
A chance meeting between hitchhikers makes them friends and they travel together. Francis (Al Pacino) is smarter and has a sense of humor, while Max (Gene Hackman) is violent and moody. They are on their way to have Francis meet with his ex-wife before going to Pittsburgh to get Max's money and start a car wash.
Although mildly entertaining, this was completely pointless. It was severely lacking in plot and writing. The characters were developed well and had good dialogue. The casting worked and all of the acting was convincing. It just didn't go anywhere. If you're really into "slice of life" films by Mike Leigh and Wong Kar-wai, this would be ideal for you. As much as I like them and Al Pacino, this just didn't do it for me. I rate it tolerable.
An American science fiction directed by Tim Kincaid.
The majority of people left on Earth after an apocalypse now work providing fuel for a power plant which produces clean air for them to breathe. A woman's father is captured by the "Dark One" who runs the power plant because he can breathe without the factory-provided air. His daughter, with the help of friends, tries to rescue him.
I can't believe it's not TROMA. This was so bad I could barely watch it. The writing was horrible and the acting was worse. The special effects were extremely unconvincing as well. Check out this fake background (image). The only part that was good was casting for female roles. With a little tweak to the script, it could have made a great porno flick. I rate it bad. Do not watch!
A Mexican American adventure directed by Luis Bunuel, starring Jaime Fernandez.
The Robinson Crusoe story: An Englishman is shipwrecked on an island for many years and eventually befriends a victim he saves from cannibals.
This was a basic telling of the story. I read the book a while ago and liked it. It seemed that the book had Robinson in a more humbling experience, but this film had him keep his bravado and arrogance. I don't remember the dog and cat being in the book, but I could be wrong. This was recorded on shitty film, not the Technicolor/Cinemascope good stuff. Hence, although it was in color, it looked pretty bad. It looked dirty to tell the truth. If this were being written for school, I would have to discuss western colonialism ideas and why Robinson treated Friday like a slave. He did, but that's how the book was written in 1719. I rate this adequate, but it's going in my Shipwrecked folder with the Cast Aways and Swept Aways. Watch it if you like desert island survival flicks as much as I do.
A Japanese samurai drama directed by Masaki Kobayashi, starring Toshiro Mifune and Tatsuya Nakadai.
A feudal lord forces a young man to take his wife after a disagreement. Although reluctant, they fall in love. However, her first son with the feudal lord is about to inherit his leadership and he takes the woman back against the will of the young man and the "shared" wife. The father of the young man supports the young couple strongly because his marriage is loveless and they have become the only good thing in his life.
This is definitely worth watching. Samurai Assassin (1965) was a fluke. Usually, samurai flicks with Toshiro Mifune are good like this one. The characters showed strong emotions and some stood up for what they believed in while others spread corruption and injustice. Needless to say, the plot was very much to my liking. It comes down to the writing being good. Casting was good, but that was secondary. I was watching through the first hour and a half as the drama escalated, knowing that like Harakiri (1962), it would end in like half an hour of violence and bloodshed. A good clue was the father telling the wet nurse that the floor mats were moved so their feet would not slip in the blood. One of the signature camera moves of this era and genre is one of my favorites. A camera was placed on the roof of buildings (image). It's hard to explain how and why that impresses me so much, but it looks so cool. Maybe it's my video game past which makes me a fool for views down onto actors. If you like samurai cinema of 1960s and 1970s Japan, this is one to see. I rate it solid green good because it's everything that samurai films are supposed to be. Watch it!
A Chinese crime drama directed by Wilson Yip, starring Donnie Yen, Sammo Hung and Simon Yam.
A group of police detectives are in conflict with a crime boss. One of the cops was in a car accident 3 years before and the only survivors were him and a young relative. He then finds out that he has a brain tumor.
This was like 1970s American crime films with a "loose cannon cop", but everyone was Asian. The version I watched had an English dubbed audio track and the voices were way off. The voice acting was terrible and I don't think there were any Asian voice actors used. The plot was just total trash and the characters were unevenly developed. Thing that didn't matter were emphasized, but anything pertinent to the plot was not developed at all. For example, who is this guy? (image) He appears multiple times and kills lots of people, but he doesn't even have a name. The cinematography and camerawork looked alright, but there was too much slow motion that was too obvious. I really think this film took itself too seriously. If it had been meant to mock 1970s detective flicks, it would have been great. I rate it poor and would really advise against watching it.
A Japanese samurai film directed by Kihachi Okamoto, starring Toshiro Mifune.
A ronin who does not know his father is part of a conspiracy to overthrow the current government.
Lots of political intrigue and not much sword fighting. The plot developed very slowly, but this developed the characters very well too. The cinematography was absolutely amazing. I mean like Fire Over England (1937) kind of amazing. You know it looks good when I use 2 images. The 2 hour duration seemed a little long to me because of the slow plot. That's really all there is to say about this film. I rate it o.k.
An American animated musical directed by Abe Levitow, starring Judy Garland, Red Buttons and Paul Frees.
A female cat living at a farm overhears exaggerated praise of city life in Paris and travels there. She is followed by a male with a crush on her and his sidekick. In Paris, she is taken in by a criminal and his sister in hopes of sending her to America for money. The crush male and his sidekick take a side trip to Alaska before returning to rescue the female from the criminals.
What really stood out to me about this was art history references. The late 1800s and early 1900s was a time of many "ism"s and multiple art movements. Most of these were referenced in dialogue as well as visually. The female cat was shown in paintings of the styles as the criminal talked about the artists. Most of the backgrounds had a Van Gogh look to them and there were posters in the style of that time period as well. Next point was Judy Garland's voice. I really like her singing. Other than that, it was a very standard animated musical. The animation was done in Disney style cell animation and the music would be easily mistaken for Disney material. I rate it adequate because it was fun to watch once.
A Chinese kung fu directed by Roy Chow, starring Sammo Hung.
Wong Fei-Hung is a gangster, taking the mob down from inside, or so says Wikipedia.
Holy non-linear plots, Batman! It seemed like just a bunch of fights with organized crime to fill the gaps between them. The hero could be a child or a young man at any point without warning. I blame it on bad writing and turned it off at the 1 hour mark. It all looked great, but that's like frosting with no cake. I rate this shit because I turned it off.
A Chinese horror directed by Juno Mak, starring Chin Siu-ho, Kara Wai Ying-hung and Nina Paw Hee-ching.
An ex-actor moves into a large apartment building for poor residents. When he hangs himself, he is saved by a vampire hunter who dispels ghosts from his body. A woman in the building is turning her dead husband into a vampire with the help of another resident. There is also a mother with a young boy living in an electrical room.
This was interesting and held my attention, but not like super-fantastic. The characters were great, but the plot was muddy and not clearly presented. The camera-work, editing and special effects looked awesome. I would propose the analogy of great food with no plate. It didn't help that I watched a version with hard-coded Czech subtitles and had another set of English subtitles playing over them. I won't spoil the surprise ending, but the final conflict scene was amazing. I rate this adequate.
A Thai horror directed by Chookiat Sakveerakul.
A girl's parents are killed and she goes to live with her aunt who runs a paper mill. There, she gets a job as nanny for the aunt's grandson whose previous nanny disappeared. He says there are ghosts in the house.
Amazing! I don't usually get scared by movies, but this one had me pretty anxious. Between writing, casting and acting, the characters worked very well together in the story. The video editing was not like modern American horror, it used longer takes and wider shots. There was some handheld camerawork, but it all made sense together without turning into a flickering blur of underexposed close-ups like American filmmakers would have done. There was some real tension built and even though there was only 1 "scary part" it lasted like 20 minutes. When the boy is in the cupboard and... No, I won't spoil that because you should watch this. This is the best horror I've seen in a long time. I rate it best. Watch it if you're not afraid...
A French animation directed by Jean-Francois Laguionie, starring Michel Robin.
A girl (Gwen) is adopted by a nomadic desert tribe. They live in a desert where a sky god drops items during the full moon. Gwen befriend a boy, but he is taken away by the sky god. Gwen and an old woman journey to rescue him and find a town civilization who worship a catalog.
Very strange. Imagine mixing Kirikou and the Sorceress (1998) with Chronopolis (1983). I can't really say anything about the plot because it was so sparse. The characters were shallow too. Usually, that would be bad. The animation looked amazing and the combinations of sparse images with sparse sounds reflected the post-apocalyptic desert setting very well. I don't know if the viewer is supposed to really think lots about this or take it at face value, just as a thing of beauty. It's so weird that it's hard to rate. I have to give it strange pink rating.
An American science fiction directed by Lesley Selander, starring Marguerite Chapman and Cameron Mitchell.
A reporter and some scientists are on a space mission to mars. Along the way, their ship is hit by meteors and damaged. They crash land and find human Martians who let them fix their ship, but plan to take it from them when repairs are complete.
I kind of like these cheesy, old science fiction flicks. The more quaint their notions of space travel and other planets are, the better. In this one, the astronauts put on bomber jackets and oxygen masks to go out onto the surface of mars. The plot was pretty standard and (as always) I thought of a simple way to solve the problems and negate the film. If the Martians had asked for help, the astronauts could have arranged it. Their planet was running out of a precious resource and when it was gone, they would die. Why not ask the Earth people to help you? Characters aren't really the focus of films like this, but I found the women quite attractive. There were some serious editing issues. This included at least 3 scenes with obvious and jarring jump cuts in them. I really like the bright and saturated colors of movies from this era and wish that type of thing would fly now. Modern movies are too HD, CG, dark and "super-realistic" for me. I would trade it all for 1980s puppet monsters and 1940s Cinecolor film in a second. I rate this adequate because it was quaint, colorful and kind of held my attention, but I wouldn't watch it again.
An American drama directed by John Herzfeld, starring Sylvester Stallone, Kyra Sedgwick, Thomas Jane, Danny Trejo, Cary Elwes, etc...
A man has written a best-selling self help book, but does not want any recognition for it. Lots of people find the book: gangsters, an ex-convict fashion designer, a man who wants to quit smoking, etc...
Trash. Modern trash is different from 1960s - 1990s Italian, Japanese and American trash. Modern trash looks slick and has lots of big name actors, but it's still trash. They all have terrible plots (if any) and far too many undeveloped characters. Budgets may be the problem, but I've seen good films that were made for very little money. I think it's down to writing. If you have a bad script, you have a bad movie. The difference here is that nobody in the future will watch this for quaint ideas about space travel or poorly produced monster effects. I rate it shit because I should never have even begun to watch it, let alone setting a point to turn it off.
A Thai American action directed by Prachya Pinkaew, starring Djimon Hounsou and Kevin Bacon.
An assassin in Thailand is originally only supposed to kill a few guys when he sees a female witness. She finds him while he is steaking out the club where she works. They become friends as he hunts down more of the gang running the club.
Standard gunfight action flick with a stupid ending. Gunfights, a big black guy, Kevin Bacon and a bunch of Thai girls. I expected better from Prachya Pinkaew. It looked fine visually and there were 2 dream sequences that I liked. There is really nothing else to say about this kind of movie. I rate it poor.
A Japanese animated science fiction directed by Osamu Tezuka.
A boy's father finds a cat near the lab where his scientist mother works. When the cat begins to act human, she escapes to avoid problems. 9 years later, they are reunited and search for the now cat-woman's origins. Finding the lab, they travel to South America to find the boy's mother. She has been genetically engineering plants and animals all along. The cat-woman and boy escape the South American lab, but are separated. Years later, the boy, now man is hired to hunt and kill the cat-woman.
Pretty cool and very much of the time and place. The non-linear plot held my interest very well, as Ryosuke relates his story to a boy named Chico while they are hunting Bagi. The animation style looked like most anime of the time. Think Dragon Ball (1986) and Vampire Hunter D (1985) with wider looking characters and bold blocks of color. The Bagi character is animated in an extremely seductive way. Wikipedia says that the plot was criticizing Japan's genetic research. I would recommend this for those who like mid-80s anime and sexy cat-women. I rate it good.
A Czech animated fantasy directed by Karel Zeman.
Sinbad the sailor has many adventures as he sails from kingdom to kingdom and outwits danger after danger.
I really liked this. The animation style was unique, somewhere between Lotte Reiniger's paper cutouts and "standard" hand drawn cell animation. The plot seemed like a series of vignettes because it was originally released as a series of shorts, each including a single adventure. There were some inconsistencies, like calling birds that look the same doves and then seagulls later, but I don't really want to get into that here. I just want to say how good it was. The pacing was dynamic and the characters and backgrounds all looked amazing. I would recommend it if you don't mind fast paced subtitles, not as fast as Night is Short, Walk On Girl (2017), but be ready to read pretty quickly. I rate this awesome.
A Japanese science fiction directed by Ishiro Honda.
Earth is threatened by aliens from the moon who use anti-gravity technology and mind control. 2 ships are sent and a battle is waged, but the aliens attack Earth afterward.
I was expecting quaint ideas of space travel, cheesy vehicles and dopey looking aliens. Most of what I got was cheesy vehicles. The moon cars looked like the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile crossed with a city bus to bend in the middle (image). As always, Ishiro Honda and Toho production had tons of miniature vehicles and buildings. The plot seemed to take too long to get started, spent an alright amount of time on the moon and wrapped up the ending too quickly. There was really only 1 character to pick out from everyone. He was the astronaut with alien mind control in him. I could go into a whole thing about one world government in the name of security, but you can read that somewhere else. I just have to say that this film had it. I rate this tolerable and would only recommend it for real Ishiro Honda and Toho Production fans.
A Thai horror directed by Peter Manus, produced by Prachya Pinkaew.
Teen students find that if they dial a phone number of all 9s, they can ask for something and have their wish granted. Unfortunately, they die soon after.
This reminded me of another Asian film about mobile phones, but I can't remember it at the moment. The plot and characters were relatively shallow, but the death scenes were bloody and brutal. All of the deaths involved what was wished for, so the fat kid who wished to lose weight had his intestines torn out during his scene, etc... I don't want to spoil those too much because they are the only reason to watch this. Camerawork and editing looked pretty good and fit the story. One of the girls is in a panic and the editing cuts very rapidly as she moves around. I rate this adequate. It held my attention some and was visually appropriate for the plot.
A British horror directed by George Pavlou, written by Clive Barker.
An ancient monster is awakened when a farmer in Ireland tries to remove a large stone from his field. A photographer/researcher must find a way to stop it.
Typical of '80s horror, but not typical of Clive Barker. The monster was cheesy and so were the special effects. Obviously, the plot was typically cheesy and the characters were shallow and badly acted. There was one shot which caught my attention. When the 2 teenagers were running through the woods and the camera followed behind them, it looked awesome. I rate it tolerable. There is much better 1980s horror cheese out there.
An American crime drama directed by Oren Moverman, starring Woody Harrelson, Ben Foster, Anne Heche, Ice Cube, Sigourney Weaver, Robert Wisdom, Robin Wright and Steve Buscemi.
A corrupt and violent cop is having trouble with his family and with following the rules at work.
The best thing about this was the casting. Woddy Harrelson makes a great violent cop. In camerawork and editing, I liked the shot of the main character underwater in a pool most. Other than that, it was very mediocre. This is part of why I haven't been posting. Most of the stuff I watch is just mediocre and not really worth writing about. I rate this o.k.
A Canadian American slasher horror directed by Paul Lynch, starring Leslie Nielsen and Jamie Lee Curtis.
A group of children accidentally kill a girl while playing a game and swear to never tell anyone. Years later, it is prom night and there is a killer around. Also, someone is calling the (now teenaged) kids who killed the girl.
Terrible. This was the same as every other slasher flick from when the genre was invented until now. There was 1 surprise in the ending, but everything else was extremely predictable and stale. There was also the same song of insipid disco music playing for about half an hour straight. I rate this bad. Do not watch!
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An American horror directed by Renny Harlin, starring Lane Smith and Viggo Mortensen.
A state government is out of money for upgrading prisons and re-opens a haunted facility. The warden put a man to death there many years ago and the prisoners and guards end up stuck in the haunted prison, trying to get out.
This was mediocre and stereotypical. The premise was fine and there were some violent and gorey scenes. Otherwise, it was just a "run of the mill" horror flick. The characters were not developed very well and the plot was very simple. I didn't notice anything great going on with cameras or editing. I rate it o.k. because of mediocrity.
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