Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Troll 2 (1990)

An Italian American horror directed by Claudio Fragasso, starring Michael Stephenson.
A family goes on a vacation to a rural community. The son finds out that the locals are all vegetarian goblins and must prevent his family from eating anything, lest they become plants and food for the goblins.
This is obviously not the worst movie ever made. Ben Hur, Some Kind of Monster, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie and Blues Brothers 2000 were all far worse than this. Sure, it was total crap, but it didn't cause me physical pain to watch. This was poorly written, acted even worse, the editing was atrocious and they screwed up the sound in many sections. In all honesty, it looked like a first year film student made it. Trust me, I've seen much worse. What makes me so sure of this position? The audio was neither treble-bias screechy, mid-bias honky or bass-bias muffled. I could hear and understand most of the dialogue. The image quality was actually pretty good (just speaking of technical specifications). It was cast amazingly well. The poorly acted characters do indeed fit their roles and I found the female antagonist to be quite attractive (picture). The content did not make me cringe like my childhood idols and supposed metal gods behaving like crybabies (Some Kind of Monster). It was not overly long, with vast expanses of underutilized screen time (Ben Hur). It was not a musical with bad music (The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, Blues Brothers 2000). Overall, the "best worst movie" is more cheesy, hokey and amateurish than anything else. I rate it poor.

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