Lekce Faust (1994)

A Czech, French, British, German, American fantasy directed by Jan Švankmajer
A man receives a map from men passing them out on a street corner. He follows it and becomes an actor in the role of Faust at a theater production. As the story progresses, stop motion fantasy elements are added and he turns into a marionette, but goes back to being an actor between scenes, while still in a deal with the devil.
Jan Švankmajer also made Alice (1988) and Little Otik (2000). This belongs in the same category as those: weird and wonderful. I liked Little Otik the most, but this was pretty cool too. The stop motion all looked good and there were some great scenes. The heads rolling through areas looked good and the small marionettes in the signature scene were great. My favorite was when the jester was trying to catch a bird. He repeatedly summoned and banished a devil with some humor involved. The audio was in Czech, but the version I watched had on time English subtitles. I rate this good just for being so strange. You should probably watch it.
Sorry, no image. Blogger is broken again.

Mutafukaz A.K.A. ムタフカズ －MUTAFUKAZ－, Mutafukazu, MFKZ (2017)

A French Japanese animated adventure directed by Shōjirō Nishimi and Guillaume "Run" Renard.
A character with large eyes lives in a city ghetto with his friend whose head is a flaming skull. He finds that there are "tentacle mafia" guys all around and he is involved with them. The daughter of the tentacle mafia leadeer takes a liking to big eyes and some luchador wrestlers help them.
Amazing! There are very few movies which will prevent me from playing guitar while I watch them. This is among that elite group. My friend, Thomas recommended this, so I have to thank him here. Although this is very unique, I would recommend it if you liked Dante's Inferno: An Animated Epic (2010), The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009), Bigg Snoop Dogg: Adventures of Tha Blue Carpet Treatment (2008) and The Boondocks (TV series). I rate it best. Watch it!

About a Boy (2002)

A British French German American romantic comedy directed by Chris and Paul Weitz, starring Hugh Grant, Toni Collette and Rachel Weisz.
An independently wealthy man decides that single mothers are good to date and gets himself in trouble by lying about having a son. Through a friend of a friend, he meets the 12 year old son of a suicidal single mother and they become friends.
I think I like Chris Weitz as a director. I recently watched A Better Life (2011) and saw the similarities between these 2 films. His films don't jump out and grab the viewer like those of Alejandro Jodorowsky or Quentin Tarantino, but these realistic dramas about families are made well and hold my attention. They seem to have a tendency to get a little sappy at the end, but I can see past a little maple syrup when the rest is this good. Something about this one that I really liked was the heavy double narration. The man and the boy both had voice-overs spaced through the duration. I'm rating this good. If you like this or A Better Life, you should watch the other and possibly other films by Chris Weitz.

8½ A.K.A. Otto e mezzo (1963)

A French Italian drama directed by Frederico Fellini, starring Marcello Mastroianni, Claudia Caredinale and Anouk Aimée.
A director is trying to start making a film, but has trouble making decisions.
This is a very famous film, but I did not like it. The plot seemed extremely desultory and did not serve well to develop the characters. The only character who stood out to me was the director (in the movie). I'm alright with watching black and white films with subtitles sometimes, but the amount of reading in this was too much. There were about as many subtitles as Night Is Short, Walk On Girl (2017). This culminated at the climax, when everyone is asking the director what they should do as he shows up to begin filming. I've been in his place before and it is not fun. I had written a simple script for a scriptwriting class and the professor not only insisted the whole class go with, but he brought a superfluous camera operator who was not even in the class. That was when it turned out that our audio guys went through the whole shoot without recording anything. There was some creative camera placement and blocking in this, but not enough to merit the fame it holds. I rate it bad because the whole film was people yammering and chattering while I was speed reading subtitles. You probably should not watch it.

Blueberry A.K.A. Renegade, Blueberry: L'expérience secrète (2004)

A French Mexican British acid western directed by Jan Kounen, based on a comic by Jean Giraud A.K.A. Moebius, starring Vincent Cassel, Juliette Lewis and Michael Madsen.
Treasure hunters have founs a map to the Native American sacred mountain. The sheriff recognizes one of them as an old enemy and tries to stop him. Luckily, the sheriff is friends with the local shaman, who helps him.
This was like a western, but more. The cowboys were rougher and tougher and there was Indian magic. The plot held my attention very well because there was always something going on. The characters were pretty good, but I would have cast a more extroverted hero. Michael Madsen played a good villain, but should have had more dialogue. Video was high quality and very creative. There was a wide range of shot lengths and camera placements. There were also some CG dream sequences which were very convincing. It was alright that it didn't look photorealistic because it was only used for dream material and worked well like that. Audio was good. I could hear the dialogue, there was appropriate music and I found subtitles which included English as well as all of the foreign language parts. I rate this best, mostly for plot and video. Watch it!

8 Women A.K.A. 8 femmes (2002)

A French Italian musical mystery directed by François Ozon, starring Danielle Darrieux, Catherine Deneuve, Isabelle Huppert, Virginie Ledoyen, Ludivine Sagnier and Firmine Richard.
A group of women are meeting for Christmas, but find that the man of the house is dead. The grandmother, mother, aunts and daughters are trying to find who killed the husband, but they are all lying for different reasons.
Strange genre combination with lots of reading. The plot was a typical murder mystery, but all of the characters were women from the same family. There was a range of affluenza represented in these characters. All of them were quite famous and featured in many films. They all looked good too. Video was excellent, probably because of post-production color work. I'm referring to high contrast and saturation here. Audio was all in French and the subtitles were on time. The 'subtitles were 'screwy and 'scribbled by 'someone 'stupid who pluralized with apo'strophe's. I have a feeling that in a few year's, the S will grow an apo'strophe in every in'stance. I rate this adequate because the plot held my attention and the video looked amazing. However, it just did not do it for me. I know it's good, but did not suit my personal taste. You should seriously consider watching it.

5x2 A.K.A. Five Times Two, Cinq fois deux (2004)

A French romance directed by François Ozon, starring Valeria Bruni Tedeschi.
A couple meet, fall in love, get married and get divorced. It happens backwards though.
I really didn't get this. The plot was extremely unclear because there was no mention or indication that anything was happening in reverse until they get married near the end and then meet at the very end. It opens with the couple getting divorced and then goes to a sex scene. The characters were almost reverse-developed. As the movie went on, it seemed like I knew less about them. The video was decent quality, but predictable and standard. Dialogue was mostly in French and I got subtitles for that, but there were Italian sections which were not included in those subtitles. I didn't notice anything worth mentioning about music. I have to rate this bad because it was so unclear about what was happening.

5 Broken Cameras A.K.A. Khamas Kamīrāt Muḥaṭṭamah, Hamesh Matslemot Shvurot (2013)

A Palestinian Israeli French documentary by Emad Burnat.
A man from a small village films protests about the village's land being taken. New housing is being constructed for settlers and there is a barrier, guarded by soldiers.
I think this illustrates a subject that lots of people know is happening, but do not know the details about. Conflict in the Middle East is as old as time itself, but what this film does is show how that effects individual people, families and a village. They are regular humans too, not just something mentioned in passing on the nightly news. There was lots of talk (in Arabic and Hebrew with English subtitles) and not much techno (or music). What music there was stayed out of the way. It was definitely more about information than entertainment. 4:3 TV video doesn't float my boat, but it was for POV/PBS and needed to be that way. Emad Burnat spends any footage not involved with protests on filming his youngest son, Gabreel (image). By my documentary criteria, this was great. I just didn't find it all that engaging or interesting. That is just a matter of personal taste. I rate it adequate because it is a great documentary, but I did not really get into it.

360 (2011)

A French Austrian Brazilian British crime drama directed by Fernando Meirelles, starring Jude Law, Moritz Bleibtreu, Jamel Debbouze, Rachel Weisz, Ben Foster, Marianne Jean-Baptiste and Anthony Hopkins.
People are involved in sexual situations. One woman is a hooker, a man orders her, but misses the connection, a sex offender gets out of jail and is tempted by a beautiful woman at the airport...
Boring and desultory. The plot or plots did not hold my attention at all, maybe because of the audio, which I will get to. There were far too many characters. Some of them seemed to be connected in some way. The video was all great. There was a variety of shot duration and camera placement. It really looked great, natural and not forced. The audio was horrible. Most of the dialogue was whispered. When that happens, I take it as a sign that the filmmakers thought dialogue was unimportant and don't care if the viewer hears what people are saying. If the dialogue was important, we should be able to hear it, right? Given that I only heard a few words and phrases over the course of almost 2 hours, I rate this bad. It looked great, but sounded terrible. Don't watch it.

40 Days and 40 Nights (2002)

A French British American romantic comedy directed by Michael Lehmann, starring Josh Hartnett and Griffin Dunne.
A man who has broken up with his girlfriend is addicted to sex. He takes a vow of celibacy for lent, but meets a woman and begins a relationship with her.
Not quite as bad as it would seem at first glance. The plot was a little bit predictable and the characters were a little bit shallow, but I've seen many films with much worse. The humor was all about sex, but it didn't get into the really crude and immature style which most American romantic comedies go for. Video was mostly good, if a little too bright and cheerful looking. There were some special effects, but nothing amazing or worth writing about. Audio was a problem because I got a bad file. It was all skippy and warbling. Besides that, there was the prerequisite inaudible whispering. There was a quote I saw while looking for an image: "sexy, fresh and wildly hip". I thought it was stale and bland above all else. I would almost suspect that this set out to be a mediocre film because it did such a good job of being so. If it wants that middle o.k. rating, here it is. Don't go out of your way to watch it.

1900 A.K.A. Novecento (1976)

An Italian French West German historical drama directed by Bernardo Bertolucci, starring Robert De Niro and Gérard Depardieu.
A rich boy and poor boy are born on the same day. The rich boy is the heir to a Padrone dynasty, ruling over a farm and making all the money, but doing none of the work. The poor boy is from a family of laborers on the farm who do all the work, but make no money. There is also a conflict going on between communists, socialists, fascists and Bolsheviks.
5 hours and 15 minutes! The plot included the 2 boys as they became men and grew old, but it also included the political and financial issues of the time. There were oodles of characters, but the 2 main characters were dynamic and developed. Video reminded me of spaghetti westerns and early gangster flicks because that's where and when it was made. Good thing it was not made in the 1960s, I would not be able to take a 5 hour peplum. I found a version with English audio and subtitles and could hear all of the dialogue. There were some sections with annoying music. One scene comes to mind, in which a group of peasants are singing and a different non-diegetic song is playing. Holding my interest for over 5 hours is a difficult task. I watched in smaller chunks, but could follow the story fine. Still, it did not captivate my attention. I would have liked it to be more about the 2 main characters, with less historical context and political material. There was male and female nudity including a scene in which the 2 boys compare penis shapes and an old woman displaying her breasts before being shot by a fascist. I'm glad that someone tried to make such an epic film, but if a film is over 5 hours, it should really be better than this. I rate it o.k. You should probably read more about it somewhere else before deciding whether to watch it.

1492: Conquest of Paradise (1992)

A French Spanish adventure directed by Ridley Scott, starring Gérard Depardieu, Sigourney Weaver and Armand Assante.
Christopher Columbus wants to sail west from Europe, seeking a trade route to Asia, but finds America. Then the problems really start.
Boring. The plot just failed to hold my attention. The characters were alright and I liked that Sigourney Weaver played the queen. Production was very much of the time. Video looked good and had a variety of shot compositions and lengths. Audio was good as well. I could hear everything and there were even leopard/jaguar screams for the American warriors attacking the Spanish conquistadores. I guess it was just too stale a story and too predictable. The viewer doesn't have any chance of wondering what will happen next. The scene with the giant bell was absurd. Christopher was standing in the center, pulling a rope like he was the only one working (image), borrowed Severus Snape's horse and suddenly everything worked. Ridley Scott really took a dive by directing this after Alien (1979), Legend (1985) and Thelma & Louise (1991). As far as I can tell, he came back to glory with Matchstick Men (2003) and that was it for him. I rate this poor because it was not even interesting.

Every Thing Will Be Fine (2015)

A German French Swedish Norwegian Canadian American drama directed by Wim Wenders, starring Charlotte Gainsbourg, James Franco, Patrick Bauchau and Peter Stormare.
A man kills 1 of a pair of brothers in a car accident during a snow storm. He is depressed, but eventually becomes a successful writer. He offers to help the mother of the boys and they talk a little bit. When the surviving brother is 16 years old, he meets the writer.
This was worse than Turkish Star Wars (1982) because Wim Wenders is a good director and I was expecting something to happen. At the end of almost 2 hours, the credits rolled and there had been nothing going on since about 14 minutes in. Charlotte Gainsbourg is good at acting and I haven't seen her in any happy or boring roles. When the writer was looking outside, trying to figure out who broke into his house, she should have been there with weapons. At least Turkish Star Wars was known to be bad and had something happening. This had good people on the filmmaking team and nothing happened. I rate this shit because mediocrity should be punished more than lack of quality. I would rather watch a movie that is interesting because it's so bad than be bored by mediocrity.

Charlotte for Ever (1986)

A French drama directed by and starring Serge Gainsbourg, starring Charlotte Gainsbourg.
A failed writer lives with his teenage daughter who blames him for the car accident which killed her mother. The writer hangs out with his 2 friends and they drink whiskey.
I seriously didn't get it and doubt there was anything to get. The best part was the song. It had keyboard parts like Bill Schnoebelen's Interview with an Ex-Vampire (2006) theme and bass like "As the World Falls Down" by David Bowie from Labyrinth (1986). The whole song reminded me a little of Claudio Simonetti's Phenomena (1985) theme. I will have to do some research to see if I can find out how to play it. Camera-work was next. Everything looked good, had high contrasts of light and dark and creative angles and camera positions were used. There was unsimulated vomit and a "booze bottle bowling" game played by 2 girls with bottles as pins and a motorcycle helmet as the ball. Other than that, it was nearly incoherent. I rate this tolerable because it was seriously lacking plot.

Confession of a Child of the Century A.K.A. Confession d'un enfant du siècle (2012)

A French German British period drama directed by Sylvie Verheyde, starring Charlotte Gainsbourg.
A rich young man falls in love with a widow a few years older than him and they have problems.
Whisper acting all the way through. I couldn't hear much dialogue, so it was difficult to know what was going on. For example, therre was a scene in which the 2 main characters were discussing Charlotte's (I never heard her character's name) journal while sitting on a bed. The movement of sheets was so loud that I feared for the safety of my speakers, but the dialogue was not audible. This is a film ruined by bad audio mixing. It could have had a great plot. I have no way of knowing whether it did. What are the characters' names? Couldn't hear that either. The audio was mixed this way with theaters in mind, knowing that the volume would be nearly deafening. I can't imagine what the music would have sounded like in theaters if the volume was up enough to hear dialogue. I have to rate it shit because the only way to watch it and hear anything would have been in the theater.

Amanti A.K.A. Le Temps des amants, A Place for Lovers (1968)

A French Italian romance directed by Vittorio De Sica, starring Faye Dunaway and Marcello Mastroianni.
A woman has travelled from America to Italy and a man she met at the airport joins her on vacation. They fall in love, but the woman's friend is trying to get her to return to America because she is sick. The friend eventually tells the man as well.
Inconclusive. This was on multiple lists of the worst films ever made and I can see why it was not good, but it is nowhere near the worst. Rotten Tomatoes has the worst score for it at 17%. The plot seemed to be built on nothing and went nowhere. The characters did and said lots of things without anything actually being said or done which would change them or the plot. People have criticized the acting, but it was better than Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017). These people seemed like they at least pretended to care what happened, even though nothing did happen. 2 movies into "worst", I'm noticing a trend of dying women falling in love. It may just be random chance, but there may be more to it than that. I rate this poor because it was poorly written and pointless. You really should not watch it.
Why am I watching "the worst movies ever made"? Because I was trying to get good films and ended up with crap. I figure that if I try to get crap, at least I won't be surprised that it sucks. If something good comes "floats to the surface", all the better. I loved Alakazam the Great (1960) and that was listed as worst. I thought Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) was extremely entertaining and that was listed as worst as well. Maybe I find it more entertaining to talk trash about bad films than sing the praises of good ones. I know I'm more impressed by uniqueness than consensus agreement of quality.

Gwen, the Book of Sand (1985)

A French animation directed by Jean-Francois Laguionie, starring Michel Robin.
A girl (Gwen) is adopted by a nomadic desert tribe. They live in a desert where a sky god drops items during the full moon. Gwen befriend a boy, but he is taken away by the sky god. Gwen and an old woman journey to rescue him and find a town civilization who worship a catalog.
Very strange. Imagine mixing Kirikou and the Sorceress (1998) with Chronopolis (1983). I can't really say anything about the plot because it was so sparse. The characters were shallow too. Usually, that would be bad. The animation looked amazing and the combinations of sparse images with sparse sounds reflected the post-apocalyptic desert setting very well. I don't know if the viewer is supposed to really think lots about this or take it at face value, just as a thing of beauty. It's so weird that it's hard to rate. I have to give it strange pink rating.

Paterson (2016)

A German French American drama written and directed by Jim Jarmusch, starring Golshifteh Farahni.
A bus driver writes poetry and meets other poets. His wife decorates their house, makes cupcakes and orders a guitar so she can be a country singer.
I thought Jim Jarmusch could do no wrong, until I saw this. It was 2 hours of total pointlessness. This fits with the bad run of movies I've been watching recently. Most of it has been Dogma 95 and Wong Kar-wai romances. It has all been so dull that I don't even want to write a scathing review of it. When one of my favorite directors makes something that fits this mold, I have to type something. I sat here the whole time, waiting for something in the plot to change, but it never happened. The video all looked good: camera movement, composition, framing, blocking, editing... all great, but nothing happened. I have to rate this shit because of disappointment which has lead to distrust. DO NOT WATCH! ...and if you like Jim Jarmusch films, REALLY DO NOT WATCH!!!

In the Realm of the Senses A.K.A. L'Empire des sens, Ai no korīda, Corrida of Love, 愛のコリーダ (1976)

A French Japanese erotic drama directed by Nagisa Oshima.
A married man and his mistress meet in hotels to have sex for long periods of time. Things take a strange turn when erotic asphyxiation is added to their activities.
What Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) did with drugs, this did with sex. Although, these people weren't acting most of the time. They were really doing it. The camera-work looked good, but I was mostly distracted by what the actors were doing. There were a few too many dick shots for my taste though. All through the duration, Sada is threatening to kill Kichi or cut off his wang. Unfortunately for her, that would exterminate her only form of entertainment. She doesn't realize this. The audio was good and subtitles I got were on time. I rate this a strange pink rating because I'm glad I saw it, but wouldn't watch it again. I need something more from a movie than sex sex sex, but it was made quite well.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016)

A German British American French Canadian Australian action film directed by Paul W. S. Anderson, starring Milla Jovovich.
Alice finds that she has a time limit to reach the origin of the zombie apocalypse and release an antivirus.
Total fucking shit. This is competing with Ben-Hur and Some Kind of Monster for worst movie ever made (self-reference cliche). It starts out alright with a recap of the story and into a fight with a giant bat or moth type monster. Then you realize that the editing is too fast for your eyes to follow. I'm talking like single frame cuts at 60fps here! Once you realize that you will never be able to process what is happening, you also realize that the plot is almost vacant. Hero woman has to get somewhere in a time limit and stuff is in her way. That's all there is. I rate this shit because I want the past 1:38:04 of my life back. I really wish that I could sue these horrible filmmakers for time. I would be immortal with all the crap I've seen.