A British American crime comedy directed by Tom Schulman, starring Joe Pesci, George Hamilton and Dyan Cannon.
A mobster loses his bag of decapitated heads at an airport baggage claim. They are picked up by a young man on vacation with his girlfriend's parents. Insert standard stupid American comedy plot here.
Dumb and stale. The plot seemed like every other American comedy with a missing item I've ever seen. Like it was copied and pasted from a previous film. Joe Pesci plays a great mobster (obviously) and David Spade makes great comic relief in a Stephen Chow deadpan delivery, but with Jim Carrey absurdity. The humor(?) was not very funny, except 1 scene: Joe Pesci is sleeping in a hotel room with the heads on a table and dreams that they sing to him. Video looked exactly like every other film from 1993 to 2001 or so. Audio had dialogue I could hear and Mr. Sandman on the soundtrack. I rate this poor because it was not good, but I've seen much worse. You probably should not watch it.
An American action film directed by Joel Schumacher, starring George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle and Uma Thurman.
Batman and Robin face Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy and Bane with the help of Alfred's niece, Barbara.
This was cheesier than the 1960s TV show. Everything was "over the top", except for a few whispered dialogue scenes. My favorite part was Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. His one liners were great and he did a great job of playing the villain. I think that casting Uma Thurman in a low brow flick like this is an insult. I'm so used to seeeing her in much better stuff. In general, this was almost so bad it became good. A little bit more hokey and I would have been laughing through the entire duration. By the end, I was wishing that there had been "BIFF' and "KAPOW" pop-ups to at least make it more authentic. I rate this bad. Don't watch it.
A Japanese anime directed by Naohito Takahashi.
A mercenary with a large sword joins a group called "Band of the Hawk". The leader is ambitious and they have military victories together. Then politics go sour and then they go to hell.
Not worthwhile. I would rather have just watched the Nosferatu Zodd fight and the last 2 episodes. Everything else was battles and politics, except the flashbacks. I didn't care about the characters, the plot did not hold my interest and the ending was inconclusive. Actually, it starts at the end, so everything from episode 2 to 25 is a flashback. I have 2 good things to say about it: There was lots of violence and blood. Some of the background textures looked like abstract paintings. I would not recommend this. I rate it tolerable.
A Chinese animated wuxia directed by Andrew Chen.
A young debt collector makes friends with a ghost who works for a tree demon. He also meets feuding exorcists, one of which helps him.
There were some similarities and differences with this and the live action version. The fast pacing and basic characters and plot matched quite well. This featured a "ghost town", meaning a town inhabited by ghosts instead of a poor, living human town. The animation style was a little more like traditional western cartoons than eastern anime films. Lots of the character designs were simplified, but the backgrounds were rendered more realistically. Another difference is that the hero in this had a pet dog and the live action hero did not. Overall, I thought this was vastly inferior to the live action. Even though the pacing was quick, it was nowhere near the speed of the live action. There was also no climax fight against the tree demon. Everything in this animated version was way too happy, bright and Disney for the story being told. I rate this o.k. If you're really into the series, go ahead and watch it.
An American direct to video science fiction directed by Anthony Doublin.
A man from another planet escapes slavery there and arrives on Earth. He is chased by a cyborg and some tyrannosaurs, but enlists the aid of a nun to defeat them.
No redeeming qualities. I'm sure that the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode was funny, but the original film was not. There was poor writing, bad acting and low budget production, but the worst part was the audio. The music was mixed too loud and the dialogue was mixed too low. There was also white noise through most of the duration. The special effects would be funny to mock, like the fishing line that sounds like a chain. The reappearing empty boxes actually were funny to me. The cyborg's lo-fi vision and servo sounds made it seem more like "Past War" set in the 1980s. Their fake Jean Claude Van Damme fought really slowly. When I see something this bad, it makes me question whether the filmmakers even watched it before the release. According to Wikipedia, it was screened for the crew and the director quit after he saw it. I rate this shit because it is totally worthless.
An American science fiction directed by Andrew Niccol, starring Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, Alan Arkin, Jude Law and Ernest Borgnine.
In the future, qualification for a job is based upon genetics. A genetically inferior man wants to be an astronaut and assumes the identity of a man with crippled legs. When there is a murder at the space center, he must protect his false identity.
Not bad. The slowish pacing made an hour 43 seem like longer than it was. The plot started off really good with heavy narration, but got bogged down in the police investigation section (most of the film). The main character living with the man who he is supposed to be was interesting. Dialogue was very dry and the acting was all serious poker face. I liked the space center sets because they looked truly futuristic. Camera-work and editing were pretty seamless. There was a good overhead shot of the beach and a low angle of the main character reading a book at the dinner table in the beginning. When the main character removes his contacts and tries to cross the road, it looked psychedelic. The audio was mixed well with dialogue being more important than music. The whole thing just seemed very serious and sterile to me, which I think was intentional. Other critics have basically given this a C average, which I think is correct. I rate it adequate because it's alright, but nothing special.
An American action film directed by Wolfgang Petersen, starring Harrison Ford, Gary Oldman and Paul Guilfoyle.
The president's airplane takes off from Russia and terrorists posing as a news video crew start using guns. The president is supposedly ejected in an escape pod, but stays on the plane to begin a sequence of events to save the hostages from the terrorists.
Propaganda, pure and simple. They didn't even try to make it believable. The U.S. has rarely had physically fit presidents and the only terrorists are the ones hired by our government. So the plot is all shot to shit. The characters were anonymous and shallow like extras. All of them. Even Harrison Ford as the president was underdeveloped. He's way better off as Indiana Jones. The video featured heavy and obvious use of special effects, compositing and CG to achieve the outside airplane scenes. The audio was actually pretty cool. It had a triumphant "America always wins" main theme in the soundtrack and I could hear what everyone was saying. When the only positive thing I can say about a film is about the audio, that qualifies as a bad rating. DO NOT WATCH!!!
An American romantic comedy directed by Frank Oz, starring Kevin Kline, Joan Cusack, Matt Dillon, Debbie Reynolds and Wilford Brimley.
An English teacher's former student announces that the teacher is gay on national TV. The teacher is supposed to be getting married that week. News crews show up and cause chaos initially, but one reporter stays for a whole week to cause extra problems.
This was not a good movie. American romantic comedies are generally bad and this is no exception. The trite plot featured poorly cast characters that I just plain didn't like. The production quality was of course impeccable. Everything looked and sounded fine and made sense. However, this too lacked creativity and originality. It looked and sounded just like every other major Hollywood film of the era. Overall, standard issue Hollywood trash. I rate it poor.
An American comedy directed by Barry Levinson, starring Dustin Hoffman, Robert De Niro and William H. Macy.
The current president of the United States of America is having trouble and is not going to be elected for a second term of office. He has his press team hire a Hollywood film producer to help them fabricate stories to make him look good.
One note before I start, we NEVER see the president and he is not named. That is not good writing. The plot seemed to settle on the "fun and games" section for most of the duration. There was minor conflict at the beginning and end, but mostly it was this team making up fake news for TV. Again, bad writing. I liked Dustin Hoffman's part as the film producer who could fix anything. He basically led the film. I didn't notice anything amazing or horrid with the video. Some would say that means it was good. I say not good enough. The audio featured Willie Nelson singing and playing guitar solo, which I liked. Overall, the flaws outweigh the strengths. I have to rate this poor. It wasn't painful, but it's not worth watching.
An American science fiction comedy directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, starring Warwick Davis.
The leprechaun successfully courts an alien princess because she is a gold digger. Unfortunately for them, space military show up and blast the leprechaun to bits. When one of the mercenaries pees on the corpse, leprechaun magic goes up his dick. He later has an erection and the leprechaun springs out of it. The military boss is a cyborg and wants the blood of the princess to make a new body for himself, but everything turns to chaos when the leprechaun is loose on their ship.
Cheesy. The bad acting is the first thing that comes to mind, followed by the overly convoluted plot. The camera-work was actually quite good. The special effects were unconvincing and prolific. We did have some Female Anatomy Points from the princess though (picture). Did I mention how much I hate constant underexposure? Anything with "in space" in the title is bound to be a craphole flick. Overall, it is best to watch the first three Leprechaun films and leave the rest alone. I rate this poor.
A British drama directed by Mike Leigh.
A woman goes to visit her roommate from college for a weekend. While there, the pair run into other people they knew from that time period.
This was amazing. The plot started off really slow and barely made any sense. I didn't even connect who the characters were at first. As the film progresses, everything comes together. The characters develop back-story through flashbacks and the plot takes form. That is not an easy task. The video was done in different styles for the past and present. The past was darker, with less contrast and saturation. The present was bright, clear and "new movie too perfect". The audio was a little odd for me. Because of the British accents and use of regional slang, I didn't understand everything that was being said. It didn't seem like a worthwhile film at first, but by the end I really liked it. Overall, brilliant. I rate this awesome.
A French British German documentary directed by Werner Herzog, starring Dieter Dengler.
An American fighter pilot who was shot down over Laos tells the story of his imprisonment by the Viet Cong.
This is Rescue Dawn (2007) as a documentary. The best part is that they got the actual guy to star in the film. He shows all of his quirks and tells his whole story, mostly in the locations where it happened and with accurate props. They even used accurate extras. Some of the Laotian extras seemed a little bit uncomfortable with their roles in the film, but the others did a great job. They even went to the point of tying Dieter up and marching him through the jungle. He also explains that the Laotians were not always abusive towards him. They taught him some jungle survival skills that the American instructional films could not. Just as the tutorial video is mocked in Rescue Dawn, Dieter mocks the film in this. It was really cool to see the true story in documentary fashion that inspired a film "based on a true story". Overall, this is mandatory viewing to accompany Rescue Dawn. I rate it good.
An American courtroom drama directed by Francis Ford Coppola, starring Matt Damon, Danny DeVito, Danny Glover, Jon Voight, Mickey Rourke and Virginia Madsen.
A new lawyer takes a difficult case involving health insurance.
I don't like watching games of Lawyers & Lawsuits. The plot does not interest me and I don't care what happens to the characters. Everything made sense and the characters were acted decently. The camera-work was nothing to write home about and the slow pacing made this seem longer than it actually was. Overall, I was not interested. I rate this poor.
An American made for TV animated comedy drama by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis.
An anti-social high school girl makes fun of everything before going to college.
Excuse me? This was a TV staple when I was about the age of the character on the show. The stereotypical characters are mostly why I watched this. The teachers amuse me most of all and Mr. DeMartino is my favorite. The Halloween episode where he makes himself metal dentures cracks me up. "It's a raSSSSSSSSp!". Most of the episodes featured a problem common to high school drama as well as comic relief. The series is very long, with 5 seasons and 2 full length movies. After the first few episodes, the theme song begins to grate on one's nerves. The outro credits feature characters from the show portrayed as well-known figures from history and pop-culture though, so I had to hear that song quite a bit to see them all. Overall, not a bad cartoon. I rate it adequate.
An American documentary by Bill Schnoebelen.
Schnoebelen talks about angels and UFOs.
This was great! Bill hits the nail on the head with a jackhammer! Unfortunately, his slideshow is not in the video. The only other flaw was the audio being a little bit low. The subject matter is clearly presented with some referencing of sources. He gets into an amazing amount of material in an hour and 14 minutes, from TV shows about angels to H.P. Lovecraft's writings. Also included are different types of aliens, Mormon secrets and Deep Underground Military Bases (dumb). All of this is presented by the blessed orator with a sense of humor. I rate this awesome and would recommend it to anyone interested in the subject matter.
An American drama thriller by Johnny Depp with music by Iggy Pop, starring Marlon Brando.
A poor Native American man agrees to be killed for money to get his family out of the slum where they live. He is given a large amount of money and a week to live before he has to report back to his employer and have his death video taped.
The plot was very good and the characters were interesting. The style was very late '90s almost too perfect, but retained the late '80s/early '90s charm and realism. The pacing was a little slow, but you would want it that slow too if you only had a limited time to live. The camera-work was way '90s and cliche. There were some interesting questions to mention: Why are the Indians listening to Mexican music? How would it feel to have sex sitting on rocks? Why is a white man playing a Native American part? Whatever the answers to these questions may be, Johnny sure likes his screen time. Overall, I thought it was fairly well made and definitely held my interest. I rate it good. This would be one to watch.
An Austrian horror by Michael Haneke. The American remake stars Naomi Watts and Tim Roth.A pair of clean-cut young men wearing white gloves show up at a family's lake house. They begin annoying the wife, but soon break the husband's knee with a golf club. They then start to play games that remove the freedom of the family members while endangering the lives of other members of the family.The plot and characters were good, I liked the style, but the pacing was TERRIBLE! There was so much wasted time that could have been spent on events. The style was good because one of the psychopaths would turn to the camera and address the viewer from time to time. He could even... I won't spoil that for you. It's one of the best parts. Some of the music in this film (the wild stuff) is by John Zorn, a saxophonist with a penchant for the extreme. Highly recommended. I'm rating this adequate, but it would have gotten awesome with better time usage. I know I'm being a major hard-ass. This film was great and should get a glowing review, but there was a problem and I'm pointing it out. The remake was literally the same in every way. It was a shot-for-shot remake and literally nothing changed. Why make it then? It gets a shit rating for being totally pointless.
A thriller directed by Phillip Noyce, starring Val Kilmer.A man who wears many disguises steals a microchip from some Russians. They then ask him to steal a scientific secret for them and follow him, trying to kill him. He falls in love with the scientist and together they try to evade the Russians.I had to turn it off. It was just too over-produced and lacked any real substance. Also, the characters lacked depth. There was too much fast camera-work and the style was too "new movie". Since I turned it off, I'm rating it shit.
A science fiction directed by Paul Verhoeven.In an Orwellian future, the human race is at war with a race of alien insects. A young group of recruits battles the alien threat alongside their army buddies.This was cool and unique. The portrayal of the futuristic society was too accurate to laugh at, but I still found it funny. The television scenes were absolute gut-busters! The combat scenes were action-packed and the large numbers of grotesque CG insects on-screen was amazing. There was a love-triangle sub-plot, but it didn't get in the way of humor and absurd action. I'm rating this awesome. Don't watch the sequels, though. They're a big load of horse crap.
A drama by Harmony Korine.A young man and a boy collect dead cats to sell to a grocer in return for money and glue to sniff. The other residents of this town have similarly meaningless lives.This is one of my favorite independent films. The style is beyond belief to the point where plot and characters become a non-issue. There is a "rabbit" character who is assaulted by some young "cowboys", but later ends up making out with "the lesbians" in their pool in the rain. See what I mean about cool style? The soundtrack features extremely poorly performed music alongside some brutal metal. Burzum is even included at some points! If you like films that I like, you will like this as much as I do. I'm rating it best.
