Constantine (2005)

A fantasy directed by Francis Lawrence.
A modern exorcist works to save his soul by fighting demons.
The audio was slightly inferior, but the video was good.
check out: The special effects in the liquor store.
This is a paradox film. It has equal good and bad parts. For example, Keanu drinks cough syrup and puts out cigarettes in a pool of his own blood, but there is a massive amount of new world order symbolism. The special effects are great, but it's also a predictive programming piece to push Christianity. For this, I give it an o.k review.

My Own Private Idaho (1991)

A drama directed by Gus Van Sant.
Gay guys have tough times.
The audio was bad (I will no longer use the term "whisper-blast") and the video was o.k.
check out: the cover-boy scene.
I like Keanu Reeves and have said that films that are straight-forward about gayness are o.k., but This film sucks as much cock as it's characters. No plot + bad audio = SHIT!

The Lives of Others (2006)

A drama directed by Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck.
A rebellious writer in communist Germany is working on a piece that may get him in trouble. His house is bugged and everyone knows that he's responsible.
The audio was in German and subtitles were provided. The video looked a little wrong, like it was cropped or stretched in some way.
check out: The hardened officer's intentions being swayed by piano music.
This was over 2 hours long and very slow moving. I'm rating it bad for audio, video and dullness.

Adventures in Babysitting (1987)

A comedy directed by Chris Columbus.
A girl's boyfriend ditches her on their anniversary and she is asked to babysit when her plans fall through. When she gets to the house, a friend calls for a ride from the city train station. Our lovely heroine takes the children with her and gets a flat tire on the highway. This sets into motion a complex string of events.
The audio and video show their exact age. It's all very 1980s.
check out: Thor!
This is one of those classic 80s movies that will never stop being cool, no matter how cheesy it is. Also, if you liked the concept of "After Hours", you might like this.

Severed Ways (2009)

A historical drama directed by and starring Tony Stone.
2 vikings are left for dead when their raiding party retreats. They become lost in a strange new land and try not to get killed by the Native Americans.
The audio was extremely appropriate and the video was awesome.
check out: Taking a massive viking shit. Wikipedia calls this "un-simulated defecation".
When you put good viking metal and some Burzum in a viking movie, it's a match made in Valhalla! Throw in some slaughtering of Christians, a real viking funeral pyre and a scene in which one of the vikings gets raped by a Native American woman (as soon as he wakes up from eating poison berries) and You're looking at one of the best films of the year. This is for true Nordic warriors with extremely long attention spans.

Seraphine (2008)

A drama directed by Martin Provost.
A French painter/cleaning lady is discovered by a rich art dealer who promises her the world, but then the great depression hits and her paintings don't sell.
The audio was in French and subtitles were included. The video was good.
check out: Do we really need to see Seraphine bathing in the river?
This film was pretty dull. I liked the beginning when she's gathering painting supplies in strange places, but the rest is lack-luster. When she goes insane, it only drew a slight chuckle from this audience. This is probably best avoided.

Graveyard Shift (1990)

A horror directed by Ralph S. Singeton, very loosely based on the story by Stephen King.
Workers at a cotton mill attempt to clean the basement, but run into some rodent resistance.
The video was dark and the audio was whisper-blast. Everyone knows that putting something down on a table is MUCH louder than people talking.
check out: The freemason exterminator. He's wearing a 33rd degree patch and the square & compass button.
If I were to rate this based on how accurate it is to the story, it would be in the running with "Ben-Hur" for worst movie ever. Fortunately for this flick, I like rats and gore. If it weren't for the skeleton landslide and the hundreds of cute little rodents everywhere, this text would be red. I guess it's an o.k. movie.