An animated fantasy directed and produced by Brian Cosgrove.
A girl finds a package on a beach that contains a talking parrot who drags her off to a hidden fantasy world where she must help him save a wizard from cockatrices who have him imprisoned.
The pacing felt really REALLY rushed and the dialogue reflected this. The animation style was alright and there were some cool monsters. My main beef with this flick is the cockatrices not turning anyone to stone. I'm rating it adequate because I did actually enjoy watching it.
An animated musical comedy written and directed by Charles Swenson.
A lawyer is sent out to investigate a client who claims to be dead. Upon meeting with this client, the client does indeed die. The last will and testament contains instructions that make the client's duck property of the lawyer.
I've been watching some rank stuff recently and this is no exception. There was lots of cartoon nudity, lewd jokes and sexual references. The plot was very simple and there was a lot of "filler" involved in making this film an hour and 10 minutes long. My favorite scene was the one in the desert when the man and the duck are approached by a Mexican in a tank. I'm rating this o.k. because it was just barely watchable.
A comedy by Picha and Boris Szulzinger.
After being kicked out of his treehouse by his wife for poor sexual performance, a Tarzan-like man has to save this same wife from a woman who wants her hair and an army of phalluses.
This is along the lines of The Big Bang. It's funny to watch once, but becomes stale quickly. There was something about the cocks that pissed me off (pun intended), but I can't exactly place why I didn't like them. There was also a strange song played during military operations and armies marching in the film that I found to be memorable, but in a good way. My favorite character was Craig Baker, the drunk that was flying the magic carpet. I'm rating this o.k.
An animated fantasy directed by John Korty and Charles Swenson.
A pair of unlikely heroes get caught up in an adventure involving time manipulation and dreams while they're taking out the garbage. First they get tricked into stealing a spring from a clock that controls all time. While time is stopped, the makers of good dreams are kidnapped and the vultures that bring bad dreams place nightmare bombs in the real world. The villain constructs a button to detonate these bombs and sends out his best vulture to put the spring back into the clock so that he can detonate the nightmare bombs once time starts again.
The animation style was definitely unique, apparently involving pieces of colored plastic that were moved on a light table as well as (seemingly) standard cartoon style and live action. The plot and characters were pretty standard, but not bad. I really liked the humor that was used because it was so straight forward and lightly peppered with foul language. I'm rating this awesome.
I know I've been reviewing a few good movies recently, but I promise to add some horrible shite soon. All this good reviewing is building up a windup punch for the next bad one.
A Japanese action anime directed by Osamu Kamijo, Ichiro Itano and Takuya Wada.
A giant superhero defends weaker people from gangs of ruthless hooligans.
The plot seemed to be the same through all 3 films, even though the setting and characters changed (though this was almost unnoticeable). Nudity and gore flashed across the screen for about 2 and a half hours in any case. There isn't much else to write about this. I'm rating it adequate.
An French animated science fiction directed by Rene Laloux and written together with Roland Topor.
A civilization of giants domesticates humans as pets. One of the pet humans overhears the schooling of it's alien master and learns the culture of the aliens. When the alien grows up and loses interest in the human, he steals the learning tool and finds a group of wild humans who live in fear of the aliens. He shares the learning tool and the other humans benefit from it's knowledge. When the aliens try to exterminate all of the humans, a small band of survivors goes to an abandoned alien city and uses the technology there to build rockets in an attempt to find an inhabitable place where the aliens can't get to them.
The animation style of this film was amazing and the alien landscapes and monsters were indeed fantastic. The plot seemed fine by my standards. I would have liked the characters to be a little bit deeper, especially the main character who narrates the film sparsely. I'm rating it best because of the wild animation.
A French animated film directed by Rene Laloux.
An army of metal men attack a peaceful civilization and the prince is sent on a quest to save them. He befriends a group of mutants on his way. Upon meeting the force that is causing the problem, he is frozen in time for a thousand years and asked to kill this entity when he awakens.
This has become one of my favorite animated films because of the '80s style, fantasy elements, alien monsters and cartoon nudity. The plot is of the classic fantasy adventure style with a single hero enlisting unlikely help to save the world. Characters and their development was a little played-down. Surprisingly, the main bad-guy was the most developed character in the whole film! The style and flavor were good and I liked the subject matter, so I'm rating it awesome.
A Russian animated film directed by Ideya Garanina, based on the original work of Rudyard Kipling.
A cat relates to a child the story of how primitive man met woman and they gathered to themselves animals to be their servants and friends.
This film had the same plot and characters as the "Himself" version, but was 3 times longer, weirder and more psychedelic. There is such a thing as too much style and this film does indeed have too much. The animation is all over the place with stop motion, cartoon and other styles mixing together to create a masterpiece which would best be enjoyed in combination with powerful mind-altering substances. The plot got a little murky because of this and I can't help but think that there was some type of "filler" element involved. If it had been a little more coherent, this would have gotten a better rating. I'm rating it adequate because it was just too desultory.
Image upload is not working right now, so no pictures for this one. Not my fault, so complain to google.
A Russian animated film directed by Alexandra Snezhko-Blotskaya.
The story is told of how primitive man and woman meet and gather animals to serve them and be their friends.
I'm really getting into these Russian films. The animation in this one was pretty standard for the time. It looked almost Disney/Loony Tunes-ish. The plot and style were both very good. The repeated bits of dialogue helped to reinforce the fable/folktale feel of it. I'm rating this good.
An animated film written and directed by Leonid Nosyrev.
At a historical Russian common house, a man tells 7 folk tales to the other travelers at night. As the night goes on the stories turn from absurd and fantasy elements into situations which everyone faces in normal life and Universal truths. I thought that the flavor was very powerful,but inconsistent. That works in this films favor and I give it a Good rating. I Liked it.
A science fiction directed by John Bud Carlos, produced by Charles Band.
A family go to the grandfather's house in the desert. The youngest girl makes instant contact with some aliens and befriends them. The father leaves for work and the house is attacked by aliens.
The plot was sparse and didn't make much sense and the characters were dumber than a sack of rocks. The soundtrack was filled with earsplitting whooshing noises and the audio and video quality were really bad. However, there were some REALLY COOL MONSTERS!!!! The monster animation was done with stop motion and they looked Harryhausenish. I'm rating this o.k. because of the balance of horrible and awesome.
A science fiction directed by John Hayes, produced by Charles Band.
A scientist starts receiving radio signals and goes to a church to investigate.
The plot was stereotypical, the characters were 2 dimensional and the production value was horrible. I didn't dislike it, it's just that there were no good qualities. Also, I've watched much worse. I rate this poor.
Blogger, are you fucking kidding? Sure, stick the picture in the middle of my post. Whatever.
A film by David L Neuman, distributed by VODO.
A young man is lost in life and is confronted by himself to help him solve his problem by making a movie.
This sucked. There was only one character and he wasn't very likeable. The lighting was so bad that I couldn't see half of the film. David must have intended this to happen or not even proof-watched his own movie. I'm rating this bad because I hung in until the end, but it definitely wasn't enjoyable.
A horror directed by Stuart Gordon and produced by Charles Band.
A doll maker's house is visited by a few people who are stranded there in a rainstorm. The dolls come to life and kill some of the guests.
This was a little light on plot and the characters were like cardboard cutouts. What it lacks in these areas was made up with style. It totally looked Full Moon and the doll animation was reminiscent of the Puppet Master series. I'm rating this good because of who made it.
